Attachment Parenting: How Can Your Parenting Style Impact Your Child's Mental Health?
Key takeaways
- Attachment parenting is a parenting style that involves centering the child’s needs, being responsive to a baby’s cry, and other techniques.
- Proponents of attachment parenting argue that these techniques may reduce infant stress, among other benefits.
- For professional support in developing stronger parenting skills and fostering a healthy bond with your child, consider meeting with a qualified therapist.
Experts suggest that a parenting philosophy called attachment parenting can provide multiple benefits for infant and child development. Some argue that early humans practiced many parenting techniques that can help form secure attachments, like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, frequently holding a baby, and quickly responding to cries. These practices are thought to reduce infant stress, which may promote better physical and mental health, as well as healthy relationships, throughout life.
Other attachment-focused techniques are used with toddlers and children, and these are also thought to promote emotional security and benefit a child's mental health throughout life. However, more research is needed to fully understand if or how attachment parenting aims impact a child's attachment, as well as their long-term mental health.
What is attachment parenting?
Attachment parenting is a parenting style that was first described by William Sears and other researchers in the 1990s. Attachment parenting involves the following:
- Centering the child's needs, not the parents' needs
- Carefully learning how a baby or child communicates
- Being responsive to a baby's cry and other signals
- Intentionally demonstrating to children that they are safe, secure, and loved
- Considering techniques that might build attachment, like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and frequent baby-carrying, though these aren't all required
What is attachment theory?
According to attachment theory, the relationships people have with their parents (particularly their mothers) during infancy and early childhood greatly impact how they relate to others, especially romantic partners, in adulthood. According to attachment theory, there are four main attachment types:
- Secure attachment: In general, securely attached children believe they can confidently explore the world because they have a strong parental relationship as a home base. The three other attachment styles are considered forms of insecure attachment.
- Anxious or preoccupied attachment: An anxiously attached child may behave in a clingy way, fearing that their parent will reject or abandon them.
- Avoidant attachment: Those who have an avoidant attachment style typically fear emotional intimacy and loss of freedom, which can lead them to withdraw from relationships.
- Disorganized attachment: People with this style tend to both desire and fear emotional intimacy, potentially contributing to “push-pull” behavior in relationships.
Who developed attachment theory?
The British psychologist and psychiatrist John Bowlby developed attachment theory. He argued that having a poor relationship with one's mother as an infant or young child could predict behavioral or mental health challenges later in life.
How does parenting style impact the mental health of a child?
How a child is parented may impact a child's behavior, self-esteem, and mental health. These impacts may last not just throughout childhood but throughout adulthood as well.
Research on parenting style and mental health
Studies show that a warm parenting style tends to be linked to better self-esteem and mental health in adolescents. Meanwhile, parental rejection and overprotection can have the opposite effect.
Research has also found that having parents who are authoritative, but not authoritarian, is linked to better mental health in children. The same study found that children typically have better mental health when both of their parents use consistent parenting styles.
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What is birth bonding?
Birth bonding, also called baby bonding, refers to the early attachment parents develop with their newborn shortly after childbirth. There are multiple ways to promote birth bonding.
Tips for practicing birth bonding with your child
Some experts suggest these tips for bonding with a new baby:
- Breastfeeding and bottle feeding while holding the baby, so the infant can become acquainted with the parent's smell and touch
- Engaging in skin-to-skin contact
- Making eye contact with the baby
- Playing with the baby
- Reading, singing, or talking to the baby so they become acquainted with the parent's voice
- Responding to the baby's cries
How breastfeeding children relates to attachment
The U.S. Dietary Guidelines for Americans, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the World Health Organization all recommend breastfeeding infants for the first six months of life, then both breastfeeding and feeding other foods until the child is one year old or older. This recommendation is given because of the benefits related to physical health, but breastfeeding may also provide attachment benefits.
Researchers have argued that breastfeeding improves the parent's mental well-being, which can strengthen their connection with the baby and improve their parenting. Breastfeeding may also increase bonding because it involves more skin-to-skin contact and eye contact.
However, it can be important to note that breastfeeding may not be an option for everyone. Engaging in other attachment behaviors, such as skin-to-skin contact and responsiveness to the baby’s cries, can still promote healthy attachment and bonding.
Wearing your baby for attachment
Another way to promote birth bonding is by wearing the baby in a special wrap or sling. Baby-wearing allows a parent to go about their day with their baby close by, allowing for eye contact, skin-to-skin contact, talking, and quick responsiveness to the baby's cries.
Sharing a bed with your baby or child
Bed-sharing is a common element of attachment parenting, and it may also be the most controversial. Hypothetically, bed-sharing lessens the baby's anxiety at night, allowing parents to hear the baby's cries and respond quickly.
However, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sharing a room with an infant, but not a sleep surface. They say bed-sharing isn't safe, as it can increase the risk of suffocation and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
How can a parent bond securely with their children?
In addition to practicing the physical techniques previously mentioned, a parent can bond securely with their children using emotional strategies. For example, they can pay close attention to their children, respond compassionately to their emotions, and continually treat them with kindness.
Becoming an attachment parent
If you want to become an attachment parent, you might start by trying some of the techniques listed here. You can also seek out an attachment parenting book, chat with other parents in online forums, or join local attachment parenting groups in your area.
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How can therapy improve your parenting style?
Another option for individuals interested in attachment parenting is to work with a qualified mental health professional. Therapy can help people develop effective parenting skills and foster a healthy bond with their children, as well as address any relationship or mental health challenges they’re experiencing.
Online therapy may be a convenient option for new parents, as they can attend sessions from the comfort of their home at a time that suits their schedule. It’s possible to go to sessions individually or with one’s partner.
Research suggests that online therapy produces similar results to in-person treatment. Whether you opt for face-to-face care or online support, you can receive the same evidence-based professional guidance.
Takeaway
Attachment parenting, which typically involves strategies to promote a secure attachment early, can have many benefits for a child’s long-term physical and mental health. This parenting style is based on attachment theory and usually involves being responsive to an infant’s needs and spending quality time together. For professional support in fostering a secure attachment style in your child, consider working with a licensed therapist online or in person.
Is attachment parenting healthy?
The attachment parenting model is intended to foster a secure attachment early in life and may have a variety of benefits for a child’s physical and mental health. The idea was introduced by pediatrician William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears, and is rooted in John Bowlby’s attachment theory. Barbara Nicholson is also an important figure in the attachment parenting space.
What are the disadvantages of attachment parenting?
One potential disadvantage of attachment parenting is the pressure it can put on parents. As this parenting style usually emphasizes constant emotional responsiveness, there may not be much room for self-compassion or self-care for a child’s primary caregiver. In addition, in families with many children (such as eight children, for instance), it may seem impossible to respond to each child’s emotions all the time.
What is the best parenting style?
In general, the authoritative style is considered the healthiest. Authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful parenting styles tend to be associated with adverse outcomes for children.
What is the difference between gentle parenting and attachment parenting?
Attachment parenting is intended to promote a secure attachment style. Meanwhile, gentle parenting tends to be another term for authoritative parenting, which involves empathy as well as clear rules and boundaries. This can foster emotional intelligence and overall well-being, as kids learn from and imitate their parents.
How to practice attachment parenting?
Attachment parenting usually involves promoting a sense of being safe, secure, and loved in a child. This is often done through responding to a child’s emotions and centering the child’s needs.
What are the cons of attachment parenting?
One downside of attachment parenting is that more research is needed to verify its proposed benefits. In addition, it promotes bed-sharing, which tends to be associated with higher rates of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). It’s usually recommended to have the child’s bedding close to their parents’ and in the same room, but not for parents and children to share a sleeping surface.
How do you handle crying with attachment parenting?
Attachment therapy usually involves responding to a baby’s cries with compassion and empathy. Paying attention to a child’s emotional states is a vital part of this parenting style.
Many parents receive so much advice that it can be challenging to know what is best. While fostering a secure attachment style can be important, it may be equally important to find a parenting style that works for both you and your children, perhaps with the help of a therapist. Regular perspective-taking may shed light on whether your current strategies are effective.
How long is attachment parenting?
Many well-meaning parents wonder how long attachment parenting strategies should be used. However, attachment parenting is a parenting style that can evolve as a child grows older. There’s no set timeframe for this approach.
Is crying it out better than attachment parenting?
Both the “cry-it-out” method and the attachment parenting method appear to have benefits and drawbacks. There isn’t one method that is definitively better than the other. However, a study from 2009 reported that mothers who were consistent, sensitive, and responsive during nighttime interactions with their infants (picking up and soothing their babies when they cried) typically had children with more secure attachment styles.
Does attachment parenting cause separation anxiety?
There is a scientific notion that attachment parenting should reduce separation anxiety by promoting a secure attachment. However, separation anxiety can be a normal and expected occurrence for young children, regardless of their attachment style.
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