Anxious, Avoidant, Secure: How Can An Attachment Styles Test Guide Self-Exploration?

Do you know your attachment style? Understanding whether you have a secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment style can shed light on the “whys” behind some of your attitudes and behaviors in relationships. Taking an attachment style test can be one way to determine your attachment style, offering a valuable starting point for greater self-awareness and opportunities for growth. To gain a deeper understanding of your attachment style and relationship patterns, consider seeking professional support in therapy.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment theory is an influential theory about the ways in which humans relate to one another. It was first developed by psychologist John Bowlby and further expanded upon by psychologist Mary D. Salter Ainsworth. Researchers continue to explore its ideas and effects to this day.  

Key ideas of attachment theory

Some of the major ideas of attachment theory include the following:

• Humans have an evolutionary need to form close bonds with other people.
• It is especially important for infants to form close bonds with their caregivers.
• The bonds infants form with their caregivers can fall into two main categories: secure and insecure, with the insecure attachment style separated into various forms.
• The types of bonds infants form with their caregivers (i.e., attachment styles) can influence the types of bonds these individuals go on to form throughout their lives.

Adult attachment styles: Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized

There are thought to be four main attachment styles in adults: 

• Secure attachment style
• Anxious attachment style (also called preoccupied attachment)
• Avoidant attachment style (also called dismissive attachment)
• Disorganized attachment style (also called fearful-avoidant attachment)

What is an attachment styles test?

An attachment styles test is a quiz that asks a series of questions about your attitudes and behaviors in relationships to determine your attachment style. You can find various options for these tests online. That said, the quality of the tests may vary, so it can be important to recognize that the results may not be perfectly accurate.

How does an attachment style test gauge anxious, avoidant, and disorganized patterns?

While the exact questions vary, depending on the test you take, an attachment style test typically asks a wide range of questions about your close relationships in adulthood. It may also include questions about your early relationships with caregivers to get a sense of how you relate to others. When you answer, you might select from several multiple-choice options, rating scales, or other formats.

Common questions in an attachment styles test

Every test has its own set of specific questions, but below are some examples:

• How much do you worry that your partner will leave you?
• How much do you trust your partner? 
• How much do you sense that you can lean on your partner for support? 
• How comfortable or uncomfortable are you being vulnerable with your partner? 
• How well do you believe you understand relationships? 
• How much reassurance do you typically need from your partner?

How can you use an attachment quiz to guide self-exploration? 

Using an attachment quiz to better understand yourself

Taking an attachment style quiz may illuminate valuable insights about your patterns and tendencies in close relationships. Some examples might include the following: 

• Why certain circumstances or exchanges with your partner prompt specific emotions or responses (such as why their efforts to cultivate intimacy lead you to feel uncomfortable, for example)
• How your early bonds with your parents or caregivers have influenced your adult relationships
• How your attachment style could be impacting your current relationship dynamics
• Which thought or behavior patterns you might want to adjust to cultivate stronger connections 

How can you find further support for mental health in therapy?

Taking an attachment styles quiz may offer useful insights into your attitudes and behaviors in relationships. Still, for those who want professional support in identifying, understanding, and modifying their behavior patterns, seeking therapy can help. 

Support beyond an attachment style test: Exploring relationship patterns in therapy

In therapy sessions, you can delve even deeper into your relationship patterns with guidance from a trained and experienced mental health professional. Below are some possible topics you could explore in therapy:

• Identifying past experiences that influenced your attachment style
• Identifying unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that could be creating barriers to meaningful connection 
• Learning new ways to manage difficult emotions to help you become more securely attached to others
• Developing new strategies to initiate, build, and maintain strong relationships with others 

Finding mental health support online

Depending on your preferences, you can find mental health support in person or online. Research shows that both approaches can be equally effective for a range of relationship and mental health concerns. 

If you find it challenging to discuss deep emotions and be vulnerable with others, diving into these topics in a face-to-face setting may seem intimidating. Online relationship therapy may be a helpful option to consider. It allows users to choose between video, audio, and online chat options for each session, and it’s possible to attend therapy individually or with one’s partner.