Are You Having Relationship Problems? How To Find A Therapist Near You

By Mary Elizabeth Dean|Updated June 16, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Aaron Horn, LMFT

Whether your job is demanding more than you're capable of dishing out or if your family is going through a health crisis, life can be demanding. Weeks on end, the demand continues. Each day feels like a drain, and it takes every ounce of strength to move forward, but is your health the only cost?

Strain In Relationships

Stress is a normal part of everyday life. Only in abundance does stress starts to become a hindrance which begins to affect other aspects of our lives. The immense pressure of keeping up can have us caving in. Little by little, we learn to escape the challenge by directing our energies internally.

During this process, we may push others away without being aware, especially when we're a part of an intimate relationship. Being a part of any relationship requires an exchange. If one person is contributing more than they are receiving over a long period, this person will start to question the fairness of the relationship. Life is tough and spending more time on others when they can't reciprocate is a waste of precious energy that we could spend on ourselves.

In traditional friendships or relationships, we can expect to hang out once or twice a week. Having such a brief encounter in the grand scheme of time spend with our weeks, makes the unfair exchange harder to see. With our more intimate relationships, especially if we are living with our significant others, the signs will present themselves very quickly.

The problem signs of a relationship can be challenging to see at first. When life does apply the pressure, we can unknowingly vent the energy onto our partners, causing unnecessary arguments without any foreseeable solutions. But, the effects will be more gradual.

Here are a few of the most common signs of trouble in a relationship:

Communication Has Been Poor

If you're misunderstood or you can't anticipate your partner actions, there may be a problem with how you two are communicating. Cultivating healthy communication can be incredibly difficult because it requires the mutual efforts of both people to be involved.

There have to be equal amounts of active listening and honestly expressed emotions. If one of these is compromised in any way, then there will be growth in differing directions. Communication is how we align the directions we grow in. Communication is also how we understand the problems we might be facing.

Communicating our issues is a fast track to fixing them. As we realize our problems are either common or less dire than we realized, we can begin to reframe and heal from our misunderstandings.

If someone in a relationship isn't feeling heard when they are expressing their problems, then they'll cease to communicate. Bringing up our issues and our flaws are difficult. Talking about the subjects that bring us emotional harm is a painful reminder that we are experiencing them.

Pay close attention to what your communications patterns have been. If you are often misunderstood, you and your partner might need to work on your communication style.


If a partner has betrayed you in some way, then there is a justified cause to feel mistrust. If there isn't such an event and you still question your partner's actions, then there may be feelings of distancing or dishonesty.

Communications may be a bridge to understanding each other, but when we question the actions of our partners, we have a recipe for disaster. Continually questioning the actions of your partner is not only draining, but it's an all-around waste of time. Our partners will not be around us at all points in the day. There will be moments where we must trust that they will act accordingly and with loyalty.

If we can't trust our partners during the insignificant moments of the day, how can we trust them with our vulnerabilities? Mistrust is a sensation that can feel real, but without any evidence, it's just that: a feeling. Whether it's a lack of communication or your partner is genuinely dishonest, these negative feelings are an indication of relationship problems.


Along the same vein, distancing can place a lack of belonging in a relationship. If you don't enjoy the time you spend with your partner, you'll likely invest more time in being with yourself. You know yourself best, after all.

Distancing can be particularly tricky as we usually blame ourselves for the consequences of a faulty relationship. We see our partners spending more time alone. Not spending enough time with your partner will quickly degrade the connections you've both shared. This could be from stress or circumstances outside of our control; regardless, our partners our slowly fading away from our lives. This can be a painful reminder that there are problems in your relationship. It's tricky to see our relationship problems. We spend a lot with this person who's become a significant person in our lives. Daily exposure to this person makes the effects of these problems subtle enough to miss.

Thankfully, even though there may be problems in your relationships, there is help available.

Relationship Therapy

There is a common misconception about starting the search for relationship therapy. If you're dealing with problems in your relationships or your marriage, you should find a therapist to speak with about your concerns. It doesn't mean that your relationship is a failure, it just means that you need some help.

Every relationship will encounter a problem of some sort. Arguing is not considered unhealthy in a relationship, unless it gets out of hand. Unless you've found an identical personality, you'll be dealing with differences in values. Encountering these values may cause arguments, but figuring out how your partner thinks is the journey of commitment.

Values determine our beliefs, and our beliefs will determine our actions. It's important to discuss these values as there can be differences that can't be bridged. It's better to identify the red flags before committing to marriage.

If you decide to start the search, understand that this is a process towards healing. You've committed to finding a solution in your relationship, and that is the first step.

How Relationship Therapy Works

Relationship therapy works by having a third person in the system listening to the arguments that plague the relationship. The therapist isn't supposed to determine who may be right or who may be wrong. The therapist will attempt to find the root of the problem and see how each person has contributed towards it.

These practices vary on whichever method or intervention a therapist chooses. Therapists are people with beliefs, too. The solution will involve identifying behavior that each person contributes to the relationship as a whole and then changing said behavior into healthier ones. This could be on an individual level, or it could be a more general relationship level; it depends on your therapist. Either way, relation therapy works by offering another person a proper voice to express opinions.

Choosing your partner can be a significant responsibility, and the same can be said about your therapist. To find a therapist solely for the convenience of the location can cause even more strain on a relationship. Therapists are ideally as objective as possible, but with every profession, there are good and bad things. You'll be communicating your vulnerabilities to this person, so if you feel judged in this environment, it won't be an excellent foundation for healthy change.

How To Find A Therapist?

Research the types of methods you find you agree with. and that you feel would be most beneficial to you. Each therapist has strengths and weaknesses and it is important to work with someone who can "speak your language". It is also important to find someone who can be both objective and honest about both sides of the relationship.

There are several databases online that list important personal information: gender, age, practices, client focus, and cost. It's in a therapist's best interest to reveal as much about their practice as possible to save not only their time but most importantly, yours.

To find a therapist, another reliable route would be to ask friends or family for recommendations. There's nothing better than actual testimonials from the people you trust.


Finding a partner can be the best decision you can make in your life, but also the most difficult. As time goes on, you'll understand much more about your partner, even the parts you don't like. Disagreements will happen, and they can be healthy outlets for discovering how each person ticks.

Life can be hard. Stress will apply pressure on relationships. Without realizing it, we can be pressured to withdraw, pushing the closest people in our lives away. Less communicating, distrust and distancing can all be results of this behavior. Life will ebb and flow. There will eventually be problems in a relationship. Even if some problems don't seem possible to overcome, therapy can be a healthy way to overcome such obstacles.

Searching for therapy doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. Starting your search means you're looking for a healthy way to move the relationship forward.

Searching online, asking friends, or looking through local ads, you can find a therapist who's dedicated their lives to helping others.

Relationships can be a gratifying experience, but it takes several obstacles before we can reach those moments. There is always help.

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