Why Do I Miss My Ex?

Updated July 01, 2020

Breakups can be challenging whether you initiated the split or your partner decided it was time to call it off. Even when the decision was amicable, it is not uncommon to miss your ex. While no one expects you to stop missing your ex immediately after you part ways, getting you to the point where you stop saying, “I miss my ex” is typically the goal. Most people can get there on their own, in time, but some people have a hard time letting go. This is especially true when your partner wanted to end the relationship, and you did not. You may be asking, what you did wrong, why they stopped caring for you, will you ever find another love, and many other normal questions. If you are feeling really stuck and cannot move forward, occasionally, a counselor is needed to help you see that brighter days are ahead and help you to move on from those feelings of missing your ex.

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I Miss My Ex

If you were in a long-term relationship, it is not uncommon to find yourself sad and saying or feeling, “I miss my ex today.” Many times, these emotions stem from missing being in a committed relationship, rather than missing the person.

Another thing to take into consideration is that you may feel lonely. Rather than having someone by your side every day, you are now bombing around your home by yourself. You may misplace the emotion of missing your ex, rather than the loneliness that you are experiencing. Sure, if you loved your ex, you may be feeling like all the plans you had will never happen. While they most likely will not with that particular person, it is not hopeless that you will find love again. It is best not to try to rekindle your relationship with your ex; it ended for a reason.

Should I Still Text My Ex?

Sending text messages may have been a significant part of your relationship with your ex. Your feelings of missing them could be triggered every time you pick up your phone. The relationship you had from sending and receiving text messages may still be a big part of your attachment to him or her.

What may be necessary is taking a technology break. This is where you use your cell phone as little as possible and send very few text messages, if any, at all. Eventually, your attachment to your cell phone and your ex will both fade away.

Some find the Texting Bible a helpful way of getting over their ex. The Texting Bible helps you deal with every possible scenario when it comes to interacting with your ex via text message.

My Ex and I Have Been Talking: Should We Try to Get Back Together?

In most cases, a relationship ends for a good reason. While you may have gotten past the exact part or issues that caused a separation in the first place, the chances are that the same fault will come back up again in future relations. Unless you both went to counseling, whether in-person or online counseling, and worked through those problems, getting back together is usually a bad idea.

Instead of jumping back into a dating relationship, if you still enjoy talking to your ex, perhaps in time, you can be simply friends.

Is Depression the Reason I Miss My Ex?

Some people get depressed after a relationship comes to an end. If you have experienced this, you may feel that the only way that you can be happy again is if you get back together with your ex. Even if your ex-partner was physically or mentally abusive, you might long for them.

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However, you need to stay strong and resist getting back together with your ex. While you may love them, the relationship may not have been a healthy one. Abusive people rarely change, and it is quite possible that if your ex lures you back in, they will be even more abusive than they were the first time. It is a dangerous cycle, and some people do not make it out of these cyclical relationships alive.

Statistics on domestic violence speak volumes. Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime. Just because your partner was not physically violent with you in the past, if they showed signs of aggression or had an explosive personality, a renewed relationship can bring about physical abuse. If mental or psychological abuse is part of your ex’s behavior, you must get away and stay away. Do not subject yourself to more and further abuse, no matter how much they may have told you that they have changed and cannot live without you. They can live without you and did not change.

Find A New Hobby Or Interest To Consume Your Time

Don’t spend your days thinking about your ex. Also, do not give yourself the time to think to yourself, “I miss my ex so much,” and you will find that life does go on after a breakup.

Whether you meet up with friends more often or find a new hobby to take up your free time, the less time that you have to be alone with your thoughts, the easier it will be to find out what life is like without your ex. You will soon realize that they were not the right person for you and that you broke up for good reasons.

What If I Have Children With My Ex And See Them Often?

Having children with an ex can be challenging, especially if you did not initiate the separation. When children are involved, it is nearly impossible to cut off ties with your ex. Seeing them regularly may make you think, I miss my ex so much.

Again, you need to determine if you miss your ex or if you are lonely. You need to evaluate why you broke up with your ex in the first place and if those reasons are enough to keep you separated or if they can be overlooked and put behind you. You also need to understand that your ex may not be interested in getting back together with you. This may be a painful truth; when they move on, but you do not.

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How Can a\A Counselor Help Me To Stop Missing My Ex?

Counselors are great at getting to the root of an issue. If you walk in their office saying, “I miss my ex. Help me get them back,” your counselor is going to ask you a lot of questions.

  • Why are they your ex?
  • Who initiated the breakup?
  • Why do you want them back?
  • What was so great about them?
  • What were their biggest faults?
  • Do you see them often?
  • If you could change three things about your ex, what would they be?
  • If your ex asked you to change, would you?

There are many additional questions that your counselor will also ask you so that they can understand what took place in the relationship.

Your counselor will also help you determine if you genuinely miss your ex or if something is missing in your life that makes you latch on to your ex. Was your father or mother a part of your life growing up? Were you in an abusive relationship in the past? Was your ex your first sexual partner or first love?

Any of these points can help you and your counselor to understand what the draw is to your ex and help you gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with them.

The licensed mental health providers at ReGain can help you sort through all of these questions and answers. They will help you get to the bottom of what you are going through and why.

Missing your ex is a common problem, but one that you can get through in time. Understanding why the person is your ex and how to manage interactions with them can be challenging but is not impossible. People do it every day. It can be especially problematic if you have a child together. However, staying together because of the kids is hardly the right decision.

Healing from a breakup may mean heartache and tears, but the majority of the time, the separation was for valid reasons. It should be heavily weighted before making a firm commitment to getting back together.

Missing your ex is something that you can get through, but sometimes you need the help of a professional to help you make the transition. This is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it something that you have to go through alone. This is especially true if you were in an abusive relationship but still miss your ex. Getting back together with an abusive partner is a dangerous move as many abusers will break up with you and then lure you back. It’s a troubling cyclical pattern that no one should ever get trapped in or risk their life trying to save.

It is okay to miss your ex and perfectly human. However, getting back together is rarely a good choice.


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