How To Overcome The Hurdles Of An Arranged Marriage
Updated September 04, 2018
Arranged marriages are still made throughout the world, throughout many different cultures. While no one should be forced to marry someone they don't want to, in a good arranged marriage, families choose the partner for their child all the time, and the child decides if they want to marry them or not.
If you're in such a culture or are curious to know more, you may wonder how you can make the arranged marriage successful. After all, you may not know anything about the partner you're going to marry. Luckily, this partner was chosen by your family, who may know what you want. With traditional marriage, it's hard to find a good partner, but with an arranged marriage, it may be easier than you think.
Here's how to overcome the hurdles of an arranged marriage.
Interaction Is Key in an Arranged Marriage
Perhaps the key to solving most problems with marriage is communication. When you are about to get married, talk to your partner. Get to know them better. Have a little date with them. Going into the marriage blind can end up being troubling. Instead, break the ice and talk about your interests and whatnot. You can then decide if this partner is really for you.
Do You Love Them?
Arranged marriages are great for financial or family reasons, but you should be happy too. As you talk to your partner, figure out if they're right for you. You may not be in love with them immediately but think about the future. You may end up falling in love with them. However, if you meet them over a period and you just see no chemistry, you shouldn't tie the knot just yet.
Come With Moderate Expectations
When you have an arranged marriage, you may have all sorts of expectations, and these expectations can make or break your marriage. If your expectations are too high, and you expect your partner to be sentfrom the heavens itself, you may end up being disappointed. Your future partner is a human like you, and they'll have flaws. You'll have your arguments, and that's okay.
However, if your expectations are too low, it can dull your senses. It may turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you dislike your partner because you believed they'd be bad. Come in with moderate expectations. Get ready to handle the bad, but also accept the good too.
Meeting The Families in an Arranged Marriage
When you have an arranged marriage, and you don't know the family of your partner, you'll probably be meeting all the relatives soon. Besides your close in-laws, you'll be meeting the extended family. These functions are designed to get you to know the family better, but they can be overwhelming.
You may have to meet a parade of family members, and you won't have enough time to remember who they are and get to know them better. Getting overwhelmed can leave a bad first impression.
To avoid this hurdle, take it slow. Introduce the family slowly over time, and not all at once. Talk to your partner and learn how they want to meet your family. Forcing too many family members can lead to frustration, which leads to fighting.
Then there are the in-laws. We all know of the stereotypical mother-in-law who is overprotective or skeptical of you. This is usually not the case if you get to know their parents better. Take some time, sit down with them, and be patient. Soon, you may all be friends.
Meeting The Friends
This is another hurdle you'll have to overcome. Besides family, you and your partner probably have your own friends circle, and you will probably have to meet them. First of all, it's okay for your partner to have the occasional night with their friends without you.
Meet your partner's friends and vice versa. If you like them, awesome! If you don't care for them, it's okay. Sometimes, their friends will grow on you. Other times, you can talk to your partner and let them hang out with their friends without you.
Talk About The Roles in an Arranged Marriage
The arranged marriage is an ancient tradition, but your marriage doesn't have to have traditional roles. The husband can be a cook. The wife can work. Sit down and discuss your skill sets. Figure out how you can take care of the house in the best and fastest way possible.
Talk About Children
When you're married, you may want to start a family, or you may not be ready yet. Talk to your partner and figure out the future. Don't force your partner to have children if they don't want to yet. The window will be open for a while, so take your time and think about what you want in your partner.
Have Sex Regularly
Sex isn't everything in a marriage, but a healthy sex life does keep the spark alive. Discuss sex beforehand and talk about what you do and don't like. Figure out if you want to experiment or not, and then try it out.
Just remember consent. Just because you're married, it doesn't mean that you should be forced into a sexual situation that you don't want. You have control over your body, and you should discuss beforehand.
One of the big reasons why a marriage fails is because of finances. You and your partner probably have different ways of spending, and this can lead to some arguments, especially later on down the road when there may be children involved.
When meeting your partner, talk about your financial situation. Explain how you spend your money, and they can tell you how they spend their money. You two should agree, and this can prevent trouble down the road.
Another problem you and your partner may face is a difference in hobbies. Say the husband likes to play video games while the wife doesn't care about them. Trying to force the husband to change his hobbies is not a good idea, nor is it good for your husband to change you. Instead, sit down and discuss your hobbies. You two should explore each other's hobbies with an open mind. You may end up liking them. If not, at least learn to tolerate them. Set aside some time to explore your hobbies while your partner explores theirs.
Have Little Dates
When you're married, you can still have little dates to get to know your partner better, or if you just want to get out of the house. Take some time out to leave and get some tea, or see a movie. Get out in the town, explore, go hiking, the possibilities are endless. By just sitting around the house, you're going to get bored, and this can lead to irritability. A successful marriage will be one where you and your partner want to get out and travel together.
Spend Time Alone
When you are spending time alone, you can unwind and have some me time. This is important, especially at the beginning of your marriage, where you may need some time to process everything. Talk to your partner and set aside some me time, and your partner can do the same thing.
Just don't spend too much time alone. This can loosen the bond between you and your partner.
Express Your Grievances, But Don't Sound Too Whiny
You're going to have problems with your relationship, and that's okay. Everyone is going to have problems, grievances, and other annoyances. But you two need to sit down and talk about them. If your partner has an annoying hobby, don't ignore it until you explode. Instead, sit down and talk to your partner about it. You can then work something out.
Seek Arranged Marriage Counseling
Whenever you and your partner run into an issue that neither of you can agree on, there is no shame in seeking a counselor to help you out. Marriage counselors know how the husband and wife tend to work, and many know how to handle arranged marriages. Your counselor can help you and your partner reach a solution that is beneficial to the both of you.
Regularly visiting a counselor can help you keep the marriage strong. It's not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you will do anything to keep the marriage strong.
In the end, perhaps the best way to make an arranged marriage work is communication. It may be arranged, but you still have full control over your life. Talk to your future partner and see if they're right for you. When you're together, keep talking about issues and other hurdles that pop up. Many of us don't like talking, but if you keep ignoring problems, you may end up exploding and making the marriage worse.
Arranged marriages can work. You and your partner just need to make it work. Talk about everything, get to know each other, and prepare to spend your life with someone you cherish until the end of time.