How To Overcome The Hurdles Of An Arranged Marriage

Arranged marriages are still a common practice throughout the world and in many different cultures. In many modern arranged marriages, families choose the potential partner, and the individual can ultimately decide whether they want to marry that person. If you’re part of a culture that has arranged marriages or are curious to know more, you may wonder how you can make the arranged marriage successful. 

After all, you may not know much about the partner you’re going to marry. But, research shows arranged marriages actually have an incredibly low divorce rate, at only 4%, while non-arranged marriages in the United States have a divorce rate of around 40%. Here are some ways you may be able to overcome the possible hurdles of an arranged marriage and build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Tips for making an arranged marriage work

Below are a few tips to consider to help you build a healthy, loving relationship in an arranged marriage:

Communicate effectively with each other

Communication is often the foundation of successful marriages. Both in the beginning and throughout the relationship, try to take the time to have long discussions with your partner, get to know them better, and build a connection. You can talk about your interests, goals, dreams, and everything in between. Building strong communication skills early on can help you navigate the ups and downs that will likely come. 

Let love flourish

Arranged marriages typically exist to tie families together, and they can be beneficial for financial or family reasons, but that doesn’t mean that love can’t happen, too. You may not be in love with them immediately, but love can grow, and you can end up having a loving and happy future. If you’re both open to it, as you spend time together, get to know each other, and build a life together, you might end up gradually falling in love.

Come with moderate expectations

When you have an arranged marriage, you may have all sorts of expectations, and these expectations can ultimately impact your marriage. If your expectations are too high, you might end up being disappointed. Your future partner is only human, and all relationships have their ups and downs. However, if your expectations are too low, those feelings may carry over into the marriage too, which can be problematic. Try to come into the relationship with realistic expectations.

Get to know their family

Your relationship with your partner's parents can be very important. If you have an arranged marriage and don’t know your partner’s family yet, you will likely have the opportunity to get to know them all over time. In addition to meeting your partner’s parents, you will probably have the chance to meet the extended family. Be patient and try to spend as much time as possible getting to know them. Over time, as you get to know them and build connections with them, you can become a valued member of the family as well, which may help strengthen your marriage, too. 

Discuss the different responsibilities of the arranged marriage

The arranged marriage is a cultural tradition, but your marriage doesn’t necessarily have to have traditional roles. Today, modern arranged marriages have proven to be incredibly successful. It may be beneficial to sit down and discuss your individual skill sets. Figure out how you can take care of the house and your relationship—with equal responsibilities—most easily and efficiently.

Discuss children

After you get married, you and your partner may or may not want to start a family. It can help you and your partner to discuss your desire, or lack thereof, regarding children before you agree to marry if possible. You and your partner may both want children but have a different timeframe in mind. Try to talk to your partner and figure out what their idea of the future looks like and how it aligns with yours.

Make intimacy a priority

Physical intimacy isn’t the only form of intimacy, but it may be a big part of it for many couples. Discuss your wants and needs around intimacy early on or before the marriage if possible. Everyone has their own love language, so it may also help to discuss how you like to express and receive love so you can be better partners with each other.

Discuss finances

One of the common reasons a marriage may fail is due to difficulties regarding finances. You and your partner may have different priorities or ways of spending and saving, and this can potentially lead to some arguments, especially when there are children involved. When meeting your partner, it can be helpful to thoroughly discuss your financial situation, ideas, and practices. The two of you may be able to come to some agreement on finances to help prevent problems down the road.

Find common interests

One possible hurdle you and your partner may face is a lack of common interests or hobbies. One partner may like to play sports while the other may not be as physically active. Trying to force your partner to change their hobbies to match yours will most likely not be helpful. Instead, it may be beneficial to sit down and discuss your hobbies. Some hobbies you may prefer to do alone or with friends, while other hobbies you would love for your partner to try, and vice versa. Explore each other’s hobbies with an open mind, and you may end up liking them. If not, at least you’ll probably have a better understanding of their interests. You can also try something completely new together. 

Go on dates

When you’re married, you can still go on dates to enjoy each other’s company, build romance, and keep things fresh and exciting. Try to make time to get coffee together or see a movie. You can go out on the town, explore something new, or go hiking, for example. Spending quality time engaging in activities you enjoy with your partner may promote a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Spend some time alone

While spending quality time with your partner is important, it’s also important to take some time for yourself. When you spend time alone, it gives you a chance to unwind and reflect. This can be important, especially at the beginning of your marriage, where you may need some time to process everything.  You can talk to your partner, set aside some time alone, and encourage them to do the same. Some healthy space apart can give you the chance to miss each other and create a longing in the relationship.

Express your concerns about arranged marriages

At certain points, you may have conflict in your relationship, as most couples do. Conflict is normal, but how you choose to manage conflict can be the determining factor in whether you can overcome it. Every couple can have problems, grievances, and annoyances at times. When this occurs, try to talk with your partner and express your concerns with open and honest communication so you can work through it together.

Consider marriage counseling

If you would like additional support in strengthening your relationship or overcoming hurdles you two encounter, you can connect with a counselor for help. A counselor may be able to help you and your partner navigate conflict, improve your communication, identify shared goals, and build a stronger connection. 

Sometimes, it can be difficult to find a counselor who feels like a good fit for your unique situation without having to travel far. With online therapy, you can meet with a therapist virtually, so it may be easier to find someone who feels like a good match without even having to leave your home. 

Plus, research has shown that couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing can be effective at improving relationship satisfaction and mental health. 

Takeaway

An arranged marriage may come with unique hurdles, but if you and your partner are interested and committed to making it work, there are things you can do to help build a healthy, lasting relationship. For instance, it may be beneficial to work on building strong communication, finding common interests, going on dates, and seeking additional help through counseling. If you’d like to meet with a counselor virtually, you can try online therapy.