What Is The Acts Of Service Love Language?
Key takeaways
- The “acts of service” love language is one of five different love languages identified by Dr. Gary Chapman.
- Learning your partner’s primary love language can foster a more fulfilling relationship.
- Online therapy can help individuals better understand their own love language and that of their partner.
The term “acts of service” refers to one of the five love languages, which describe ways that people give and receive love. The acts of service love language, in particular, tends to focus on doing practical things for another person. If this is your love language and your partner performs acts of service, it can make you feel seen and valued, meeting your emotional needs. There are many ways to show care through this love language. Keep reading to learn more about love languages in general, the acts of service love language in particular, and how to get support with love languages and intimacy.
What are the love languages?
Love languages, originally conceived by Dr. Gary Chapman, are ways that people express and receive love. According to this theory, there are five love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Physical touch
- Quality time
Words of affirmation
According to love language theory, with words of affirmation, one partner may verbally affirm the other person by encouraging, complementing, or appreciating them, as verbal expressions of love can help their partner feel cherished.
Quality time
Loving someone with this love language may involve taking time out of a busy day to be with them. People with this love language typically feel loved and appreciated when a partner schedules time to focus on them, giving them undivided attention. For example, if your partner has this love language, a romantic date night can be an effective way to show your partner you care, but even just sitting on the couch together can express love.
Physical touch
Physical touch involves expressing love by giving physical affection. With physical touch, such as holding hands as you walk down the street, emotional intimacy can grow.
Acts of service
Someone with an acts of service love language is likely to feel that actions speak louder than words. They may believe that partners can become more emotionally intimate when they perform acts of service for one another.
Receiving gifts
For some, receiving thoughtful gifts is an expression of love. If this is your partner’s love language, they may show their love by giving you gifts that show they truly know you. You might be able to meet their needs by giving them thoughtful, unexpected gifts.
What is the acts of service love language?
The acts of service love language is about performing practical acts of service for someone to make their life easier. There are many ways to offer practical support and show you care.
Acts of service love language ideas
There are many creative acts of service that can make your partner’s life easier and show them you care. The following are just a few service love language ideas:
- Do a home improvement project
- Cook a meal
- Do the laundry
- Fill their car with gas
- Give them a massage
- Drive them to an appointment
Even little things like carrying a dish to the kitchen after dinner may help your partner feel loved and understood.
How can I know if my love language is acts of service?
If you regularly perform acts of service for your partner, and if it makes you feel loved and valued when they perform acts of service for you, this may be your primary love language. You can always take an online love language quiz to learn more, which may help you determine if this is your primary love language.
Is it helpful to attend therapy to improve intimacy?
If you’ve experienced challenges relating to communication or intimacy, therapy can be an important part of healing, both for couples and individuals.
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Couples therapy to discuss love languages
If you have been experiencing relationship conflicts, it may be helpful for you to attend couples therapy. When people in romantic relationships have the same love language, this may make communication easier, but many couples don’t have the same love language. A couples therapist may be able to help you understand what your partner’s primary love language is, as well as what your own is. Knowing each other’s love language may help you and your partner find ways to strengthen your emotional connection and create a more fulfilling relationship.
Individual therapy
Whether or not you decide to go to couples therapy, seeking support as an individual can also be helpful for addressing concerns about your relationship. Individual therapy may help you understand relationship patterns and practice ways to build a healthy relationship that supports your mental health.
Online therapy to improve your relationship
If you’d like to speak with a therapist about love languages but feel hesitant to attend in-person therapy, you might consider online therapy. Research shows that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy. It allows you to connect with a relationship therapist from home via audio or video calls. You can also reach out to your therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and they’ll reply as soon as they can.
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Takeaway
What hurts a person whose love language is acts of service?
In general, acts of service means helping someone with their responsibilities or taking tasks off their plate. For individuals with this love language, the following may be hurtful:
- Saying you’ll help with something but failing to follow through
- Half-hearted efforts
- Laziness or a lack of initiative
How to serve someone whose love language is acts of service?
Below are some acts of service love language examples:
- Grocery shopping so your partner doesn’t have to
- Making them their favorite meal or their morning coffee
- Picking up your partner’s dry cleaning
- Washing dishes or doing other household chores
- Taking care of your partner when they’re feeling sick
What love language is most compatible with acts of service?
There isn’t necessarily one love language that’s most compatible with acts of service. It’s possible that two people who both enjoy receiving acts of service may find it easier to understand how their partner prefers to receive love.
What kind of person has a love language of acts of service?
Someone who values actions more than words may have the acts of service love language. People who are very busy may also greatly appreciate thoughtful acts as a way for their partner to communicate love.
Which love languages are least compatible?
In some cases, an individual with the acts of service love language may struggle to connect with someone who has the words of affirmation love language. As acts of service is focused on action and words of affirmation is focused on talking, it may be challenging to find a suitable middle ground, although working with a couples or marriage counselor may help.
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