What Is Tantric Love & Is It Right For You?
Updated June 28, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Dutil
The musician Sting has always been associated with tantric sex after he commented in an interview back in 1990 about practicing seven-hour-long sex with his wife, Trudie. This perked up many a pair of ears. What was "tantric sex"? And was it even possible to have sex for that long? To this day, Sting is still asked to clarify his comments on tantric sex.
So what is tantric sex? And how do you know if it's right for you? The first thing you should know is that you should plan for a lengthier lovemaking session. You may need upwards of a few hours to successfully carry out a tantric lovemaking session. This is no romp in the hay. This is an activity that encourages relaxation, meditation, and taking things very slowly.
That being said, perhaps plan to begin your tantric sex journey on the weekend, when the kids are away, or during a romantic getaway where you are sure to have no interruptions.
Understanding Tantric Love
The word "tantra" translates to mean woven together. In an intimate relationship, this means that, by way of a sexual union between two partners, their entities' physical and spiritual aspects are woven together to become one and become one with God. This is achieved through slow sexual intercourse that does not result in an orgasm.
The point here is not to see how long you can last in bed. The point is to achieve enlightenment by allowing yourselves the time necessary to truly connect, to balance the energies of your masculinity and femininity so that the two of you can form one whole entity. This sounds deeply romantic, doesn't it? In a way, tantric love is a combination of meditation and sexual intercourse.
Tips For Incorporating Tantra Into Your Love Life
If tantric love sounds like something you would like to engage in with your partner, then read on for tips on how to get things started.
Prepare Your Bedroom
When practicing tantric love, your bedroom transcends an ordinary bedroom and becomes a kind of sacred temple where you and your partner can worship each other along with God. To set the right tone for such a space, you'll want to start by setting up an altar consisting of meaningful things to both of you, like photos or objects that are important to the two of you.
Light candles or incense, and place these upon the altar as well. The altar is meant to be a loving and peaceful space that promotes the health and growth of you as individuals and your relationship with each other.
Next, you will need to meditate before engaging in sexual intercourse. Face each other, close your eyes, and imagine a field of warm energy enveloping each of you individually, and then another field of energy wrapping around you both. Ask yourselves how you want to involve the divine in your lovemaking, and set clear goals for the relationship, both individual and collective.
You can also meditate with your eyes open and focused on your partner's eyes. Don't look from one eye to the other eye as a way to break the tension. The trick here is to come as comfortable with your partner as you can get, and you can't do this if you are actively avoiding looking at them straight on.
Practice synchronizing your breathing with that of your partner. When your partner breathes in, you breathe in, and the same goes for exhaling. Practice this for about 10 minutes. The breathing aspect of tantric sex is so important, and it's what separates tantric sex from regular sex in that it is essentially a more intimate form of meditation. Such breathing can also bring you a heightened sense of worship and mindfulness.
To make things even steamier, do this with your clothes off. The female partner should sit in the male's lap, facing him. Once the 10 minutes of synchronized breathing have been completed, you can move into kissing and caressing each other. From there, you can evolve into engaging in intercourse…slowly…and be sure to continue kissing and caressing each other. Do your best to maintain eye contact this entire time.
Men will also want to meditate on "holding their seed," or semen retention. By refraining from giving in to an orgasm, the energy will travel back through the man's body and up into his chakras. This allows him to continue to make love for what can become hours and feel energized, focused, and clearer after he does orgasm eventually, as opposed to feeling exhausted and drained.
Commit To Being Open And Honest With Each Other
The more honest you are with your partner, and the more vulnerability you allow them to see, the more committed to each other you can be, and the easier it will be to achieve your highest self. Here, you must listen to what your body is trying to tell you and obey.
For instance, if a woman's yoni is not yet wet enough for intercourse, don't try to force it. Meditate on what could be preventing you from opening up to your partner, and you may find that, given enough time, your body will naturally tell you when it is ready to receive your partner.
Incorporate Tantric Massage
A massage is one of the best ways to worship your partner's body. A massage should never be rushed. You should take the time to explore all of your partner's curves and crevices. Pay attention to what they enjoy and don't enjoy, as this can be incorporated into your lovemaking later on. For tantric love, in particular, you can practice worshipping the lingam (penis) and yoni (vulva).
Genital worship is the same as fondling or performing oral sex. The difference here is that these acts are not rushed, nor are they performed out of feelings of obligation. Here, the partners are 100 percent at ease with each other's genitals, and these acts are performed with the respect, care, and need to bring the other partner pleasure selflessly.
To complement the message, you can use your favorite massage oil or a particularly enjoyable scent to your partner to help them feel even more relaxed. For men, lube up the penis and testicles after you've lubricated his thighs. This will work not only to pleasure him but also to relax him even further.
Be careful with his testicles. A man's reaction to their being touched may vary from that of another man's. Testicles aren't like penises - some men like them to be fondled and explored, while other men may be completely taken out of the situation. Don't be afraid to ask him what he likes. If he isn't sure, gently try a few things to see if or what he may like the best, including gently pulling on them, cupping them, or softly running your fingernails down them.
For a female massage, the woman lies on her back with one pillow behind her head and another under her hips to raise her pelvis. She then bends her knees and lets her legs fall open to expose her yoni. You should begin by massaging her other body parts first to help her relax. When you get to her yoni, if you choose to use massage oil, you can pour just enough to allow it to drip down the outer lips and coat the inside.
Gently rub the oil on the outer lips of the yoni, then gently squeeze each lip, sliding your fingers up and down the length of each. You can then repeat this process with the inner lip, taking care to vary up the speed and pressure, depending on your partner's preference. Lastly, you can move on to the clitoris, which should be massaged both clockwise and counterclockwise. Slowly insert your middle finger into the yoni, exploring and massaging its inner depths.
Reconnecting With Each Other
In today's crazy world, many couples often don't make enough time for each other. We're too focused on work or the kids, and by the time the kids go to bed for the night, we're so exhausted that all we want to do is watch TV until we fall asleep. But practicing meditation has been known for years to reduce stress, which can potentially lengthen your life, and it can also do wonders for your relationships, especially the intimate relationship you share with your partner.
When you practice deeper physical contact and synchronized breathing, you may find that you feel even closer to your partner and more open and loving towards them. Plus, the beauty of tantric sex is that, because you're taking your time with each other, you can learn to master exactly what you like and don't like when it comes to sex. This allows both of you to communicate and understand each other better than you ever thought possible.
Now comes the bonus of the delayed orgasm and the hours of lovemaking that tantric sex affords. At first, it may be difficult to hold out for very long, especially after all of that massaging, caressing, and kissing, but keep at it, and eventually, you may find that delaying gratification can be incredibly rewarding. Not only will you find the orgasm you finally have to be positively mind-bending, but tantric sex will allow you to experience ecstasy and connectedness that cannot be gleaned from sneaking in a "quickie" before the kids get home from school.
Interested in learning more ways to connect with your partner? Contact one of our counselors for more information.
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