What Is My Love Language?
Key takeaways
- Dr. Gary Chapman identified five distinct love languages to describe how people prefer to give and receive love.
- Knowing your own love language and your partner’s can help foster a strong emotional connection.
The five love languages describe the ways people give and receive love. Sometimes, couples may have a difficult time showing their love. Knowing what your love language is can help you understand how both you and your partner appreciate receiving love. When you receive love in a way that resonates with you, it can make you feel seen and valued.
What are the love languages?
Love languages, originally conceived by Dr. Gary Chapman, are ways that people express and receive love, including:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Words of affirmation
Using spoken words of affirmation, a partner verbally affirms the other person by complementing, encouraging, or appreciating them. For those with this type of love language, kind words of affirmation help them feel valued. It also increases emotional intimacy when their partner can verbally express heartfelt commitment.
Quality time as a primary love language
This love language entails reserving undivided time away from friends or family to foster a real connection with your partner. People with this primary love language feel loved and appreciated when a partner schedules time to focus on them.
Physical touch
Some people express love by giving physical affection and reciprocally like to receive physical affection. With appropriate physical touch, such as holding hands as you walk down the street, emotional intimacy can grow.
Acts of service
Someone with this love language may like to receive love by talking through problems, getting a ride to an appointment, or having a nice meal cooked. Even little things like carrying a dish to the kitchen after dinner can help them feel loved and recognize that their needs are heard.
Receiving gifts
If this is your partner’s love language, they may show their love by giving you meaningful gifts that show they really know you. Feeling seen and understood through gift giving can increase emotional intimacy.
What is my love language?
How do I know which is my primary love language?
People typically have more than one love language, in which they prefer to give and receive love, but oftentimes they will have a primary one. To know which your primary love language is, you can engage in self-reflection on your actions and feelings.
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How can a love language quiz help?
A love language quiz is designed to give you information about your love languages. It may accomplish this in two ways:
- Asking specific questions about how you prefer to receive love
- Analyzing your answers to come up with your main love language
How can love languages shape emotional needs?
Your love language can shape your emotional needs by determining specific ways in which you feel seen, heard, and valued. Your love language may allow you to feel respect, compassion, and admiration through specific actions on behalf of your partner.
Is it helpful to attend couples therapy for communication?
If you’ve experienced communication and intimacy difficulties, therapy can be an important part of healing.
Couples therapy can improve communication
If you have communication issues with your partner, or frequent conflicts, it may be helpful for you to attend couples therapy. A couples therapist can help you understand what your primary love language and your partner’s love language are. This type of therapy can also help you:
- Learn to communicate more effectively
- Sharpen emotional regulation skills
- Resolve conflict more efficiently
Knowing the other’s love language can help you find ways to strengthen your emotional connection and foster a healthy relationship.
Individual therapy can help you understand love languages better than a love language quiz
Seeking individual therapy with a mental health professional can also be helpful. This form of therapy allows you to address your own mental health concerns as well as any relationship issues you’re experiencing with your partner.
Is online therapy effective?
Online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy. This form of therapy may also be more convenient for many couples. Attending therapy remotely lets you schedule appointments anytime you’re available, from the comfort of home.
Find the right therapist for your relationship.
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Takeaway
How do I know what my love language is?
You can take the official love languages quiz to identify your love language. You can also journal about how you prefer to give and receive love and see if your writing reflects any of the love languages.
What are the five languages of love?
The five love languages include the following:
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
People tend to give and receive love in different ways, and the love languages framework can make it easier to understand this concept.
What is usually a man's love language?
Each man is an individual with their own needs and preferences. For example, some may prefer physical touch, while others may prefer acts of service or words of affirmation to feel loved.
What is most women's love language?
Just as with men, women have a variety of love languages. Putting in effort to communicate about love languages and show people love in the way they prefer can positively impact relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners.
What is the least common love language?
It’s thought that receiving gifts is the least common love language. This love language also tends to be misunderstood, with people believing that it’s materialistic. In general, people with the receiving gifts love language enjoy receiving small tokens with thought behind them rather than expensive items.
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