Why Is He Losing Interest In Me?

Updated April 8, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

The ups and downs of a relationship can come at an unexpected pace. There can sometimes be more good days than bad, but what does that mean for the relationship? What does it mean for you? Have you ever been involved in a relationship where you felt things were going well, but your partner does not feel the same way for some reason?

It’s common for two people to be in the same relationship and have completely different opinions about how the relationship is progressing. This often occurs due to inconsistent expectations. You may expect things to be one way, but your partner expects something entirely different. There are a few reasons that expectations take a different route, which could entail a lack of communication, unclear communication, or a mere oversight.

If you are beginning to feel that your partner is distancing themselves from you, you may be on to something. The issue is that you have no idea why or what’s gone wrong. Before you jump to conclusions or press the panic button, take a moment to gather yourself and calm down. The scenarios ahead may provide clarity enabling you to make the best decision for yourself moving forward.

Before you approach the topic

Is he losing interest or is he just busy?

It can be frightening to think that your mate is losing interest in you. All kinds of thoughts go through your mind, and you may begin to think irrationally. It’s important to calm down and think clearly before you address your mate with your beliefs. This is not to say that you shouldn’t communicate your feelings, just that you should be clear about your feelings before you take them to your partner.

On some occasions, it’s not that your partner is losing interest. Still, you’re going through an emotionally challenging time that’s causing you to question every aspect of your life, even your relationship. Here are a few life events that may make you question the feelings your partner has for you.

You’ve changed careers

Have you recently switched careers or positions in your job? If so, and it’s for the best, congratulations! However, sometimes promotions or advances can prompt unexpected impacts in other domains of your life. You may be required to work longer hours, or perhaps you’ve been spending more time talking about yourself than your mate. Excitement about your success is common, but you can’t allow it to overshadow the other areas of your life. Once you realize that you’ve been doing this, it’s common to feel that you’ve pushed your mate away, even if you haven’t.

You’ve gained or lost weight

If you have had a recent weight change, you may begin to wonder if your mate feels differently about you. It could be a sudden gain or loss of weight that makes you look and feel differently about yourself. After doing either, you may begin to focus more on yourself and less on your partner. It’s normal for a person who experienced unwanted weight gain to wonder if their mate is still attracted to them. It’s also normal for a person who has lost weight to wonder if their mate feels threatened by appearance changes. Your mate will be happy for and with you regardless of your weight if they truly care for you.

You are relocating

If you’re moving to a different town or city, you may fear that your mate will no longer value the relationship. Change can be scary and lead to a lot of questions. If you’re putting more distance between the two of you, it may have a negative effect on the relationship. However, your mate may not have any fears regarding the change. It’s simply your fear of how they will adjust to the change that’s possibly causing you to feel concerned.

You make more money than them

For a while, you have struggled to improve your financial situation. Suddenly, all your efforts and hard work have paid off. Now you’re worried that your mate won’t feel the same about you because you earn more than they do. It’s common to have this concern, but it isn’t an issue unless your partner tells you that they’re bothered by it. 

In a relationship, it’s important to be open about finances. Don’t feel threatened that you’ll lose your mate because you’ve improved your financial situation. If anything, they should be ecstatic for you.

You recently revealed a big secret

If you have been in a relationship for a while, it is important to maintain an open dialogue. There is no room for deception. If you have harbored a secret during the relationship that has recently been revealed by yourself or another source, you may begin to feel that you’re losing your relationship. The fact that you weren’t forthcoming with certain information can make you feel uncertain about the future of your relationship with a person. 

Strive not to spend time dwelling on what should’ve been revealed in the past. Work on the present moment and try to rebuild the trust that was compromised. In some cases, your mate may not be harping on the secret as much as you are, which means you should forgive yourself and move forward.

Is he losing attraction to me?

Your intuition may sometimes be right, and he may be losing interest in you. It may not be because of anything you have done, but possibly due to something occurring within himself. Sometimes, people face moments in their life when they are not capable of maintaining a relationship. After being with a person for months or even years, you don’t want to hear this, but it happens.

If your mate seems to be acting differently towards you, you may want to talk with him about what you feel once you’ve addressed the topics above. Here are a few indicators that show he’s losing interest in you.

He makes constant excuses

If he has become the king of excuses, that’s cause of concern. This is especially true if your mate has always been there for you and shown affection to you. Once a pattern of change sets in, you’ll notice that he gives you random excuses to avoid seeing you. He wants to meet you for lunch, but a coworker needs a ride to the bank. He wants to go with you to visit your parents, but he’s got this work thing. He wants to come over to see you, but he hasn’t been to the gym all week. These are all excuses that could be indicators that he wants to get away from the relationship.

He has stopped asking questions

Once your mate starts to lose interest, they may no longer inquire about your plans, future, or habits. If they once seemed genuinely interested in how things were going in your life but no longer do, something is going on. Once they stop asking questions about the little things, such as how your day went, how classes are going, or how you’re feeling, there may be a reason for concern.

The excitement has disappeared

Before, the mention of your name or the idea of seeing you made them excited. Now, they can go days without seeing or calling you, and it does not matter at the slightest. If you notice that when you walk into a room, they no longer smile or seem pleased with your presence, it may be a sign that they’re moving on in life without you. Once the excitement disappears, the spark isn’t far behind it.

The responses are almost nonexistent

Once you reach a point where your partner doesn’t answer or return your calls for days, there’s a problem. Unless they’ve always done this, you should address the issue and make an effort to see what’s going on. If texts, emails, and visits are avoided, the interest is likely gone.

Everything sparks an argument

Once upon a time, communication was important, and you two could talk to each other about anything. Now, no matter what the topic is, the conversation ends in raised voices and hurt feelings. If they’ve taken a complete disregard for your feelings and always want to argue, you should strongly consider the worth or value of the relationship. This signifies that your partner is coping with internal issues that may or may not involve you. At this point, the best resolve is to seek counseling if there is any hope of saving the relationship or walking away from it with no ill feelings towards each other.

There is no effort

If your partner has stopped putting forth effort in the relationship, that’s likely an attempt to distance themselves from you. People take care of or put forth an effort for things and people they care about. Once they begin to stop trying to communicate, see you, or work things out, they’ve checked out of the relationship mentally and emotionally. 

It’s easy to walk away from a relationship when a person no longer tries or does their part, but it still hurts. If you’re constantly wondering, “Is he interested in me” or “is he attracted to me,” he’s not putting forth enough effort to show you that he cares.

What causes a person to lose interest?

Is he losing interest or is he just busy?

There are several reasons why a person may begin to lose interest in their mate. Not all of the reasons are directly related to the mate. People often face inner issues or challenges that cause them to distance themselves from their partners. It is sometimes the only way they know how to cope.

If you’re in a relationship and worried that your mate is losing interest in you, discuss it. Do not assume that you’ve done something wrong. It could be miscommunication, or the person may not be aware that they are behaving differently towards you. You must not make any final decisions based on your thoughts alone. 

On the other hand, if it’s obvious that your mate is no longer interested in you, don’t allow yourself to become a doormat. If they refuse to talk to you and let you know what’s going on with them, take the initiative to remove yourself from the relationship. Here are a few reasons that a person may lose interest in a relationship.

They have found someone else. If your mate is interested in someone else, they will begin to distance themselves from you. It is not always easy to say it aloud. They begin to act differently and make themselves unavailable in hopes that you’ll walk away.

They are facing personal issues. It is sometimes hard for a person to relay that they are struggling personally. It makes them feel inadequate or incapable of managing the relationship. In this case, they begin to separate themselves from the people they care about the most. It’s how they create a safe space for themselves, as well as others. Some issues aren’t always easy to discuss and must be managed alone. A person should let their mate know that they need time to cope with a few things instead of just ghosting them or completely withdrawing.

They are not ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, some people think they’re ready for a relationship before they are. If you’re involved with someone who has grown distant over the past few weeks or months, it could be a sign that they’re just not ready for a relationship. You can’t force a person to be someone they’re not, and you shouldn’t give your time to someone who isn’t ready to commit on the same level as yourself.

Online therapy for relationship advice

Have you considered speaking with an online counselor for assistance in navigating relationship challenges? Therapy is not only advantageous for people living with diagnosed mental health conditions. The experience of a professional therapist enables them to guide individuals and couples in resolving relationship conflicts, and online therapy platforms like Regain make it even more convenient to attain support on your terms.

The only thing you need to meet virtually with your therapist is a secure internet connection. You can text them while you’re on the way to work, chat during a lunch break, or videoconference with them during a set time each week. You and your therapist can decide how frequently you will meet.

Knowing how your partner feels about you is critical to relationship quality and overall wellbeing. Studies have confirmed that online couples’ counseling is just as effective as in-person counseling, and that participants enjoy outcomes like improved relationship satisfaction and mental health


In long-term relationships, it is not uncommon for couples to enter phases where things feel routine, uninspiring, or unstimulating. The ability to go toward another in these times with open hearts and clear communication is essential to getting back on the path toward investing equally in your relationship. If you would like support in reconnecting with your partner or initiating potentially uncomfortable conversations, you can reach out to a Regain therapist and start working toward your goals.

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