Why Being Authentic When Dating Is Important

By ReGain Editorial Team|Updated July 13, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Kimberly L Brownridge , LPC, NCC, BCPC Counsel The Mind, LLC

Is it better to be authentic or play “cat and mouse” when dating? Is being authentic important when dating? What type of people are drawn to you when you are authentic? Does being authentic help a person feel more in touch with their emotions? – these are common questions about being authentic when dating. This article will discuss these questions and why it is important to be authentic when dating.

Being authentic when you’re dating is comprised of two concepts: 1) taking chances for a relationship that may leave you open for rejection for sharing your genuine thoughts and emotions, and 2) the inability to accept deceit, which demands honesty even if it makes others uncomfortable. These very reasons are why many people choose to introduce their representatives in the early stages of a relationship. Instead of being authentic when dating, they portray who they think their partner wants to see until they feel it is safe to let their guard down.

What Does Being “Authentic” Mean?

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You may be asking yourself, what does it mean to be authentic? In a nutshell, being authentic means being your genuine self. Authenticity comes from within. It means that what you do and what you say is harmonious with your convictions and beliefs. Being authentic is being who you truly are, not what you wish you were or what you’ve been told that you have to be.

Authentic people are honest, dependable, and confident. They are always present and existing at the moment. They are often unfiltered yet respectable. Phoniness cannot exist within an authentic person. So, how do you know if you are authentic?

You Are Unafraid To Be Your True Self

An authentic person is never afraid to be their true selves. They don’t concern themselves with the judgment and opinions of others. Additionally, they do not feel the need to conform or to fit in. Authentic people truly understand their individuality and embrace it.

Another thing that you will find about people who live in their authenticity is that they are who they are without apology. They do not make excuses or give explanations. Honestly, why should they? Why does a person who lives with a sense of peace through self-acceptance need to justify who they are to people who have not learned to embrace their individuality? There is no arguing that being yourself, unapologetically, is the best way to enjoy the one life you have to live.

You Are Accepting Of your Flaws

No one is perfect, and every person on this earth has flaws. Authentic people are accepting of their flaws. They acknowledge the existence and the role that their flaws play in making them who they are. There is an innate understanding that their flaws help set them apart from the clique.

When you are accepting of your flaws, others cannot use them to hurt you. There is a level of confidence that comes with the acceptance of flaws that will be unshakeable. Once you learn to accept these flaws, it can be very empowering. A perfect tool to accept your flaws is turning the things you see as weaknesses into strengths. This can be hard to accomplish, especially if you have had insecurity around your flaws for a long time. It may take some creative thinking, but it isn’t impossible. Try to use your flaws to show off your uniqueness and special traits.

How To Be Authentic

Being authentic is hard for someone who has always felt the need to fit in or has never been comfortable with their true selves. It requires unlearning so many learned behaviors and getting back to the basics. Being completely transparent will be difficult. Yet, the benefits of living in authenticity are more rewarding than the work is tiring.

Being authentic frees you from the shackles of today’s cookie-cutter society. When you are free to live your life the way you want to, you will find an incomprehensible peace. You will no longer feel obligated to do and say things that you don’t want to. Furthermore, you’ll realize just how superficial your life has been and how much you have missed out on because you weren’t your authentic self. The journey to being authentic isn’t a hard one, as there are many ways to be authentic.

Love Yourself For Who You Are

The first step toward being authentic is learning to love yourself for who you are. Everyone has something about themselves that they would like to improve upon. Remember that flaws do not define you, but they contribute to who you are as an individual. The goal is to accept your complete self and have great self-confidence.

According to Dr. Barbara Markway, those who have self-confidence and love themselves can experience less anxiety, higher levels of motivation, improved relationships, and much more. This is why it is very important to develop confidence in yourself, despite your flaws. Learning to be confident and authentic can be a great improvement to your life. Admit that you have made mistakes and will likely make more. Acknowledge your imperfections. Authenticity cannot exist without self-love.

Spend Less Time Trying To Please Others

How much time do you spend trying to please others? Do you feel the need to change yourself to please those around you? Do you find it hard to say “no” because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or disappoint them? You may be a people pleaser, and it is time to make some changes.

While people-pleasing can feel great at the moment, it can be toxic at the end of the day when taken too far. Feeling the need to change yourself, your likings, and your personality to make someone happy can be incredibly hurtful to yourself. Typically, people-pleasing stems from the fear of rejection and the need to be praised by others for good deeds. People pleasers are often afraid of failing others and will do anything to win, even if that means losing themselves. This fear can result in being taken advantage of and taken for granted.

If you think you are a people pleaser, it is time to start saying “no” when you are being pushed outside your comfort zone or feel taken advantage of. This can be difficult at first, but it can also be incredibly freeing once you get over your fear of rejection. Remember, saying “no” does not make you a bad person. Furthermore, it is a complete sentence that needs no explanation.

Spend Time Alone To Know Yourself

Another step to take when learning to be authentic is spending time alone to get to know yourself. Right now, you should be your main priority. This is one of the few instances where being selfish is acceptable. Everything should be concentrated on learning who you are at the core. Think about your life. How much of it do you truly enjoy? Are the activities that you take part in things that you want to do? Do you genuinely like everyone in your life, or are there some people that you tolerate? Answer these questions honestly and make changes where you see fit.

While you are getting to know yourself, you should avoid rushing into dating. Relationships and dating are two of the main reasons people lose their authentic selves. Dating may serve as a distraction as you are learning to reconnect with yourself. Also, when you know who you are and understand yourself, you are much more likely to get into a positive and healthy relationship. Additionally, your relationship is more likely to be long-term, as you truly know what you are looking for in a partner.

Why It Is Important To Be Authentic When Dating

It can be tempting to change your personality and mannerisms to catch the eye of someone you are attracted to. Acting more put together or reserved is completely normal when dating someone new, particularly on the first few dates. But, if you are changing yourself so much to attract someone to where you are not acting like yourself, you are not authentic. While this may be effective in some cases, it usually doesn’t lead to a lasting or healthy relationship. There are many reasons you should be your authentic self when dating, but here are just a few:

Your Partner Will Love You For Who You Are

When you’re authentic, the person who falls in love with you will know who you are and will accept you in totality. You won’t be hiding certain parts about you, and your partner will know the real you. Your imperfections are viewed as the very things that make you perfect for them. When you show people the real you, they can make a conscious decision about being with you because they are fully aware of who they are getting.

When you are authentic, you will find that people are attracted to you for reasons other than physical appearance. Authenticity allows your personality to shine brighter. The level of confidence that you exude will resonate and draw in people that appreciate it. Anyone that doesn’t appreciate it is likely to be someone that you want to avoid anyway. The only people who you should accept into your life should be people who love you for who you are.

You, Will, Feel More Secure Knowing Your Partner Knows The Real You

There is no way to feel insecure in a relationship when you know that your partner knows the real you. This sense of security will enhance your relationship in several ways. When you are authentic, there is nothing hidden about yourself with your partner. As a result, you are less fearful of being vulnerable with your partner. You’ll find it easier to let them see your emotions. Additionally, you will likely feel more secure in your relationship as you won’t have to worry about them seeing the part of you that you are trying to conceal.

The security you feel when being authentic with your partner can enhance the trust between you two. Most people that are insecure are constantly worried about what their partner is doing outside of their relationship. Sadly, this behavior is usually a result of how the person feels about themselves. If you don’t feel like you’re good enough, it’s easy to convince yourself that your partner doesn’t either. Knowing that your partner knows and has chosen to be with the real you, you can help eliminate any trust issues.

Finally, when you feel secure knowing your partner knows the real you, you appreciate yourself, your partner, and your relationship more. You realize that you are lovable just the way you are, becoming more secure in your authenticity. A person who is willing to love you, flaws, and all is a person who understands the real meaning of love. True love does not require changes to the core characteristics that make you who you are.

Your Date May Feel Like They Can Be Authentic With You

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Authenticity can inspire authenticity. One of the most complicated aspects of dating, in the beginning, is trying to figure out how much of your true self you should expose. When you start dating someone new, there is the fear of them being disappointed with something about you. The only way to know if someone likes the real you are by being authentic. When you set the course of being authentic with your date, they may feel more comfortable showing their real personality. People are usually more likely to trust someone when they sense they are authentic and genuine with them.

Too much time is spent putting on airs to impress people that are doing the same things. Being authentic may allow your date to feel like they can be themselves as well. This relieves so much tension and makes it easier to enjoy the experience. Of course, there may be times that being genuine doesn’t work out the way that you had hoped. Don’t allow this to discourage you. Realize that not everyone is secure enough to be comfortable with your ability to accept yourself and live in the truth of who you are. This is their loss, not yours.

Being Authentic In Relationships

Feeling comfortable enough to show the real you to the person you are in a relationship with is true self-confidence. This will set your relationship up for success. If you or your partner are struggling to show each other your authentic selves, do not hesitate to seek help from a relationship counselor. A licensed counselor can help you two embrace who you are and what you can bring to the table in your relationship.

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