I Hate Myself: Identifying And Managing Self-Hatred

"I hate myself" isn't an uncommon phrase; it can sometimes be tossed out casually in response to a simple mistake or out of exasperation. But when this is a frequent, recurring thought, it can signal a more serious concern. If someone is experiencing persistent feelings of self-hatred, it can be very painful and damaging—they may feel that they are entirely unworthy of love from anyone, even themselves. In this article, we’ll dive into how to identify self-loathing, where it can stem from, and how to overcome it so you can learn to love yourself.

What is self-hatred?

Self-hatred (also called "self-loathing") is a term used to describe feelings of hatred, unworthiness, or disgust toward oneself. Far more than just low self-esteem, self-loathing suggests to those who experience it that they are truly unlovable and without value. Anyone can experience feelings of self-hatred, and many may hide this feeling out of shame. Self-loathing often goes beyond feeling poorly about one aspect (or a series of aspects) of yourself and extends to virtually every part of you; when you hate yourself, you may feel that no piece of you is considered worthy of knowing, loving, or seeing. Self-hatred can be dangerous, as it can make you feel as though your life is not worth living or that you are not worthy of love, acceptance, or kindness.

Self-loathing can present differently in everyone affected by it. For some, self-loathing may be fairly obvious and seen in persistent negative self-talk, a seeming inability to take care of oneself properly, and the appearance of depression. For others, self-hatred might be more masked in its approach. It can look like someone who constantly puts everyone before themselves, who refuses to be in photos, and sees life as a necessary series of sacrifices without regard for their health or safety.

Self-loathing can also be challenging because many people who experience it may not see it as a concern, but rather as a reasonable, legitimate way to feel, based on "logical" conclusions that they don’t see as flawed. If someone struggled to make friends growing up and was frequently bullied, for instance, they might conclude that they are weird, unlovable, or destined to be an outsider. Perpetual comparison to others can also be common in self-loathing. You may compare yourself to others and feel that you fall short; you may see their achievements, qualities, and various aspects of life as further proof that you are “less than” or unworthy of love. 

Self-hatred is not currently recognized as a mental health disorder on its own, but it can be a symptom of certain mental illnesses, such as depression. 

Are you experiencing self-hatred?

Do you often say "I don't like myself" consciously or unconsciously? Self-hatred can sometimes be difficult to recognize, as you might believe that your perceptions of yourself are based on observable fact rather than a skewed perception. But we are all worthy of love. All of us are flawed, imperfect, and capable of improvement, but that doesn’t mean we’re deserving of self-hate. If you feel that you intensely dislike yourself, feel unworthy of anything good, and can’t find any positive qualities in yourself, you may be experiencing self-hatred. 

How to address self-hatred

There are many ways to address self-loathing; some of them can be done on your own, and others can be implemented by healthcare professionals. Included below are a few approaches to consider:

Self-talk

One approach to try in mitigating self-hatred is improving self-talk. Initially, this can feel extremely awkward and forced: if you do not believe you are worth anything, saying something like "I am worthy of love" might fall flat. This can be a simple way, though, to begin improving self-loathing and adjust your view of yourself. 

Self-care

Another thing to try when addressing self-hatred is various forms of self-care. Although some people may think that self-care is a series of bubble baths, spa nights, and shopping sprees, self-care can be even more basic. Self-care in these instances can mean exercising consistently, eating a balanced diet, and making sure you get plenty of sleep each night. These can help improve your mental state and set in motion improved habits that lead to improved self-esteem.

Boundaries

Setting boundaries may also help improve your view of yourself, particularly if sacrifice is one of the ways your self-loathing manifests. Learning to say "no" when you feel tired or overwhelmed is among the simplest boundaries you can set to maintain your mental health and self-esteem. Setting boundaries can also mean not taking on others' problems as your own. If you have a friend, for instance, who is constantly coming to you with anger or tears, setting boundaries around venting those problems may help you feel more balanced and in control. 

Therapy

Addressing persistent feelings of self-hatred can be very challenging, but you don’t have to do it on your own. For many people, seeking professional help through therapy can be an important part of the healing process. Therapists can help you get at the root of these negative feelings and help you identify aspects of yourself that you consider worthy of love and respect. In fact, research has shown that online interventions for depression can be effective at improving self-esteem, empowerment, and quality of life. 

If you are experiencing intense feelings of self-hatred, the thought of leaving the house and attending an in-person appointment may feel daunting and exhausting. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with your therapist from the comfort of home, so long as you have an internet connection. 

Takeaway

If someone is experiencing persistent feelings of self-hatred, it can be very painful and damaging, and it can be important to seek help. Self-hatred may be a symptom of a mental health condition, such as depression. There are several different ways to address self-hatred, but seeking professional help through therapy is often an important piece of this process. To meet with a therapist from the comfort of home, you can connect with a licensed therapist online.