Emotional Neglect: Taking Care Of Yourself When You're Feeling Neglected

Note: This article addresses sensitive topics such as abuse and eating disorders- if you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or an eating disorder, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or the National Eating Disorder Association Helpline :1-800-931-2237 (M-Th : 9 AM-9PM EST, Fri 9 AM - 5 PM EST) right away. 

Emotional neglect or feeling neglected in a relationship 

Feeling neglected in a relationship (usually called emotional neglect) can arise when a person’s emotional needs are disregarded, ignored, invalidated, or unappreciated by their partner. When people are emotionally neglected, they feel as though their feelings don’t matter to their partner or their partner doesn’t care about them. 

Feelings of neglect and isolation can stem from complicated issues. People may feel neglected because of their childhood experiences. Some people feel neglected because of issues their partner brings to the relationship.

Regardless of the reason(s), taking care of yourself when you feel neglected is vital for maintaining your mental health and well-being. In this post, we’ll discuss things you can do to relieve the difficult emotions of neglect, identify some of the reasons you may feel neglected, and discuss the signs of emotional neglect so you can cultivate healthier mental health and well-being.

Is it normal to feel neglected in a relationship?

As time passes in a relationship, it’s easy for us to become less considerate of our partners and take their feelings for granted. But emotional neglect doesn’t just make someone feel lonely in a relationship; it can also leave you feeling unwanted or unloved. Feeling emotionally neglected in a relationship isn’t normal; it means that you and your partner are not communicating as openly as you should. This lack of communication can lead to issues beyond emotional neglect if not addressed.

How to care for yourself when you feel neglected

Whether it’s a matter of simple miscommunication or something more serious, caring for yourself when you’re feeling neglected is important. Not only to help heal your heart but also because having a balanced state of mind will help you be a better partner, family, parent, friend, coworker, etc., to those you care about. 

Seek healthy support from others when feeling neglected in a relationship

Sometimes relationships take a lot of time and attention, weakening our other social connections. Even if it’s not intentional, the more focused we are on our partners, the less time we tend to spend with other friends and family. Connecting (or reconnecting) with the people you love is a great way to remind yourself that you’re loved. 

Engage in activities you enjoy whenever you feel neglected

Socializing with friends and family isn’t the only outlet for social activity. You can feel a sense of belonging and inclusion with a social group, club, hobby group, or volunteer project. Find an activity you enjoy and give it a try; you may find new friends, but also a new hobby or skill, both of which contribute to our self-esteem and well-being. 

Serve others

One of the benefits of working as a volunteer or in an organization that helps others is that it gives us a sense of purpose. Helping others provides a social outlet but can also connect us with something much larger than ourselves- an excellent antidote to loneliness and neglect. 

Take care of your body and mental health

Movement releases hormones that benefit our mental health and make us feel good. Getting some exercise, whether low or high impact, goes a long way toward healing hurt emotions. You may consider going for a walk daily or getting involved at a gym or exercise class. As long as your body’s moving and it makes you feel better. 

Also, be sure to fuel your physical activity with mood-boosting, nutritious foods that will help keep the good feelings coming in between workouts. And make it a point to get plenty of quality sleep. Often, when we feel lonely, it’s difficult to rest- if this is the case for you, consult your general practitioner for solutions. 

Signs of emotional neglect

Emotional neglect takes many forms, from failing to notice what you say or how you feel about something to your partner giving you ‘the silent treatment’ when they are angry or upset with you. Other people, such as friends, family, or coworkers, may comment that you don’t “seem yourself” or seem unhappy or unwell. Other signs can indicate that you’re being emotionally neglected, including:

• You choose to talk to a friend or family about your feelings or problems rather than your partner.
• You feel like you’re alone in your relationship.
• You don’t want to go to social events with your partner.
• You’d rather spend time alone than with your partner.
• Your partner shuts down or withdraws when you talk about your feelings or issues with your relationship.
• You become easily overwhelmed or experience feelings of helplessness.
• You feel like you “don’t belong” when you’re with your partner’s family.
• You avoid making long-term plans with your partner.
• You feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner.

If you’re experiencing more than one of these situations, there is a good chance that you’re being emotionally neglected.

Reasons you may feel emotionally neglected

From the innocuous to the deep-seated, the reasons people feel emotionally neglected in a relationship may come from various sources. 

Issues in your relationship

There may be perfectly innocent reasons why your partner isn’t giving you much time and attention or meeting your emotional needs. For example, they may be under extreme pressure at work or preoccupied with home life. They may have problems with a friend or family they haven’t confided in you yet. If you suspect the reason stems here- asking for verification may be necessary. 

Other relationship problems have more to do with how you interact as a couple. You may be having difficulty getting close to them because of disagreements. Or, you may have developed poor communication habits that keep you from connecting. 

Finally, you may feel neglected because your partner doesn’t know how to tell you they want to separate- so they ignore you. In cases like these, it’s essential to understand that the issue lies with them. It’s their responsibility to tell you directly and clearly, if they no longer want to be in a relationship with you, and failure to do so isn’t only disrespectful to you, but it impedes your ability to move forward into healing. If you suspect this is the reason for their ambivalence toward your emotional needs, confront them about it with the help of a support system. 

Emotional abandonment in childhood

What happened in your childhood may impact how you feel in your relationship now. If you had a neglectful parent or guardian, you might have been ignored without any show of empathy. Your basic needs may not have been met, or your parents may have even literally told you that you weren’t worthy of love or attention. 

This can be very painful, and when childhood abandonment issues go unaddressed, people may unconsciously look for the same type of relationship with a partner as they had with their caregiver(s). You may look for a partner that, on some level, you know will eventually emotionally abandon you. After a relationship begins, you may look for and focus on behaviors that “confirm” you’re unlovable, just like your parents taught you. You feel unworthy, and you may look for evidence that it’s true, whether it’s there or not.

Mental health issues for you or your partner resulted from emotional neglect

Emotional neglect and other forms of childhood abuse not only strongly impact a person’s mental health in their youth, but they can also cause mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, substance use disorders, and even eating disorders that carry over into adulthood. 

Regardless of the reason(s), if you or your partner have a mental health disorder, you must seek help from a professional, either alone or as a couple. A psychologist can address your concerns, help you uncover where your difficulties originate, and provide methods of treatment for healing. 

When emotional neglect is abuse

When we talk about neglect as a form of abuse, it usually refers to the neglect of a child, not an adult. Many people assume (incorrectly in some cases) that because adults are independent, we can easily leave neglectful relationships. But when the neglect manifests as abuse, getting out isn’t always easy. 

Some people use the “silent treatment” as a form of control and manipulation in the relationship. If your partner won’t speak to you, pretends like you aren’t there, addresses others but ignores you in a group, or otherwise uses it to punish you by withholding attention, it’s time to seek help for healing and moving forward. 

Work through neglect with online therapy

The reasons behind feeling neglected can be both serious and complex- and challenging to resolve. If you think that your issues around neglect in the relationship could be resolved between you, but you have problems communicating, couples counseling can help. Relationship therapists are trained to work with couples on communication and intimacy and uncover the issues both parties bring to the relationship that contribute to difficulties. 

From there, your therapist will give you tools and techniques for discussing your needs and building a stronger relationship overall. If either (or both) of you need individual therapy, they can refer you to an individual therapist specializing in methods that address and resolve mental health issues that may be affecting other parts of your daily life, such as your relationships. 

Conventional therapy can seem daunting for some, however. Traveling to and from an office and scheduling time for appointments during the busy work week is sometimes difficult. Some people feel awkward talking to a therapist about personal relationship issues, and others doubt whether it will work for them. 

Efficacy of online therapy with a licensed mental health therapist

Online therapy is an excellent solution to all these barriers and more. Online therapy platforms like Regain connect people with licensed, experienced mental health professionals with diverse specialties. Whether you need a couples counselor, individual counseling, or both, you can schedule appointments online at your convenience from anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Regain is discreet and often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance. Online counseling is also as effective as conventional therapy in using popular therapy methods for treating couples and individuals. If you’re ready to address the emotional neglect you feel, talk to a Regain professional via video chat, online messaging, text, or phone and begin the path to healing.

Counselor reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“With Cassandra’s help, we’ve been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She’s very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She’s skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel totally comfortable with her.”