How To Get Over A Sense Of Entitlement
It can be difficult to acknowledge that we may have a sense of entitlement. While one person’s entitlement may be perceived as a go-getter attitude, another can be seen as self-serving or rude. But what is an entitlement, exactly?
The easiest way to sum up entitlement is when a person always has a “me-first” attitude. Entitled people believe that the world revolves around them and expect other people to defer to their every wish, taste, and desire. In relationships, they may often take but rarely give in return.
Entitlement is a personality trait characterized by an exaggerated sense of expectations, specialness, and superiority, and can manifest itself in many aspects of a person’s personality and actions. While they can seem like largely harmless traits and habits, they can negatively affect the person who has them and their relationships.
Read on to learn what it means to have a sense of entitlement, how it can develop, the negative impacts it can have on your life, and ways that you can work toward being less entitled.
What does it mean to have a sense of entitlement?
There are several different signs that a person can exhibit when developing or suffering from a sense of entitlement.
Oftentimes the first sign is a person making demands of their friends, coworkers, relatives, or significant others that are unreasonable or unachievable. For instance, if you expect your significant other to stay home all weekend while you go out with friends, or if you demand a friend or relative give you a loan when you know that they cannot afford to.
People with a sense of entitlement have difficulty handling situations that require compromise, as they tend to view everything as a competition. This means that, even in situations where a compromise makes the most sense or benefits both parties, an entitled person will find it nearly impossible to do so because, in their eyes, it means that they are “losing.”
In situations where a person with entitlement issues does not get their way, they frequently do something irrational or disproportionate to the situation. This can manifest itself in the act of lashing out, most often as an angry outburst or by refusing to talk to the person who did not defer to their wishes.
Such negative reactions often end up causing a person with entitlement issues to find a result far different from what they desire. Instead of having the admiration and respect of everyone they meet, they often end up with damaged personal and professional relationships, sometimes to the point of being irreparable.
Why do people develop a sense of entitlement?
As with all psychological concerns, a sense of entitlement often develops due to a person’s early experiences. These experiences, not always negative, evolve into the overinflated sense of importance that goes hand in hand with entitlement. Recent studies also show that entitlement can vary based on gender and psychology.
An attempt to overcompensate for past experiences
One of the primary reasons believed to contribute to a sense of entitlement is negative experiences in childhood. This could include being mistreated, being raised in an environment where a person felt they lacked something that others had, or experiencing contempt for being treated as lesser than their peers or relatives.
At first, entitlement may manifest to cope with feelings of resentment at being less well-off or treated as less talented or appreciated than others. However, this coping mechanism can worsen and end up developing into a sense of entitlement.
For instance, a child raised with few possessions may envy peers who are wealthier and have more toys and clothes, and as an adult, they may feel that they deserve the finer things in life because they weren’t afforded them as a child.
Raised to expect to get what they want
Most parents aim to raise happy, healthy, and confident children. Sometimes, however, parents with a mindset that always says “yes” to their children’s requests can end up doing their children a serious disservice.
This type of parenting means that children always get their way and will learn to expect their demands to be fulfilled in every situation. Over time, children who are never told “no” can end up developing a sense of entitlement that carries over into adulthood.
These children may expect everything to be done as they wish, and when they find that to not be the case in adult situations, they may end up feeling angry and resentful toward those that don’t give them what they want. They may also have a greater tendency to feel sorry for themselves.
Narcissistic tendencies
Sometimes, a person’s sense of entitlement isn’t directly related to negative experiences in their childhood. When coupled with an overwhelming need for admiration and attention, extreme entitlement cases can mean that a person has a narcissism disorder.
Narcissists believe that they are better than everyone around them and that everything should always be about them. They often look down on others as inferior, feel they do not have to follow the rules in any situation, and celebrate only their own achievements. In contrast, they may belittle the accomplishments of others.
The signs of narcissism are very similar to those of entitlement, except that they are significantly more pronounced.
Negative effects of a sense of entitlement
There are many negative effects a sense of entitlement can impart on a person.
People with entitlement issues may have high expectations of themselves that can lead to extreme disappointment and psychological distress if they go unmet. They are also more likely to have problems maintaining positive relationships with other people. They often have difficulty accepting when things don’t go their way because they believe they are being treated unfairly.
A study conducted by Case Western Reserve University and published in Psychological Bulletin found that entitlement issues can cause many different issues within a person’s life. Researchers found that people with entitlement issues often get stuck in a cycle: high expectations can result in disappointment, leading to dissatisfaction, anger, or other strong emotions or outbursts, and finally to emotional distress that they have a difficult time moving past. This cycle puts people with entitlement issues at an increased risk of being frustrated, unhappy, and disappointed with their lives.
Ways to overcome a sense of entitlement
Overcoming a sense of entitlement can be a challenging endeavor, but at its most basic it involves only one thing: finding a way to look at things from another perspective.
Consider the ways that your words and actions affect the people around you. For example, if you ask a favor of someone, not only should it be something within reason for them to do, but you should also expect to do a favor for them in return.
An entitled person’s reaction to this situation is to expect the person to do as they ask without question, but treating relationships as a two-way street is an important step in becoming less entitled and more aware of other’s feelings and desires.
Observe the differences in your relationships with other people when you try to be more compassionate. Do they respond better to you? Are group tasks easier to complete? Do you feel better supported in your relationship? Noticing these changes is a great way to help reinforce good habits because they help you see the benefits of your actions.
Another strategy for helping to overcome a sense of entitlement is to practice being mindful of your past and how it affects your behavior. Try to accept that the past is something that you cannot change and that everyone has experienced difficulties in their lives. Realize that your past experiences don’t entitle you to special treatment from everyone at every turn. People are more likely to be kind and respectful toward you if you act that way toward them.
Make the best of each day and try to find ways to help other people rather than always deferring to your wishes or desires. A great way to do this is to find an opportunity to help those less fortunate than yourself through volunteering opportunities. Seeing the struggles that other people face can help you learn to be more compassionate and doing so can also give you a new sense of fulfillment so that you aren’t trying to seek it through other, more self-centered means.
If you struggle with issues you think may be related to a sense of entitlement, you are certainly not alone. These are issues that can be worked through with time and help from a trusted mental health professional.
Seek support for working through entitlement issues
At Regain, we can help you find a licensed therapist who can help you assess your entitlement-related habits and actions and find ways to overcome them. Our convenient online sessions can be done from your computer, tablet, or phone, whenever it best suits your schedule.
Don’t let entitlement issues have a negative impact on your life and relationships. Seeking help can help you find a feeling of safety and confidence in yourself in a meaningful, positive way and help you break the cycle of entitlement.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What is the remedy for an entitlement mentality?
Entitlement is becoming an increasingly common line of thinking that can be detrimental to a person’s happiness. Entitlement goes beyond just wanting someone for no reason other than you want it. Rather, it’s a form of self-centric thinking where the belief is that the person deserves to get what they want out of life, even if they are unwilling to work towards their goal. When entitled people fall short of their goals, they will blame others and refuse to accept responsibility for their shortcomings. Entitled people feel the world owes them something, even though, most often, they have given nothing to deserve what they think is owed to them.
Examples of entitlement tendencies include expecting the same rules that apply to others shouldn’t apply to you or expecting other people to be more interested in you and what’s on your agenda than you’re interested in them and what’s on theirs. However, not all hope is lost when it comes to entitlement. There are five ways that you can begin to work on overcoming the entitlement mentality.
The first is to practice perspective-taking. Think of a time you got mildly annoyed with someone – it can be for anything – and spend a few minutes writing about the situation from the other person’s perspective. The goal here is to practice understanding what their agenda was.
The next is to sensitize yourself to how good it feels to promote other people’s successes. In fact, social psychology research shows that promoting other people’s successes positively affects the person who promotes success.
Using cognitive restructuring to relate to and consider alternative evidence and perspectives. For example, what are some reasons the same rules apply to everyone else should also apply to you?
Observing what happens when you stifle your entitlement mentality. Are your relationships more stable? Are you fighting less with your loved ones? Do you feel less annoyed than you typically do? By understanding the benefits that come from stifling your entitlement mentality, you’ll be more likely to create lasting change.
Finally, be aware of falling into the moral licensing trap – a cognitive distortion in which people internally justify the things they do wrong. An example of a moral licensing trap is when you justify taking more than someone else because you gave that person more at a different point in time or believed they make more money than you.
The biggest step that someone who has an entitlement mindset can take is to acknowledge that this is the case and then begin to put in consistent effort to change their ways. While it is not always easy to do, it can positively impact a person’s life.
Is entitlement a mental illness?
Entitlement is defined as a personality trait driven by exaggerated feelings of deservingness and superiority. Entitlement may lead to chronic disappointment, unmet expectations, and a habitual, self-reinforcing cycle of behavior. While entitlement can be a toxic personality trait, a person would not receive a diagnosis of entitlement. However, entitlement is a toxic narcissistic trait at extreme levels, and while entitlement is not a mental illness, narcissism is classified as a personality disorder. In fact, entitlement is one of the three tendencies evaluated when evaluating a person for a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
A recent study found that when people think they should have everything they want, it comes at the cost of their relationships with others, and ultimately, their own happiness. Reacting to perceived injustices, entitled people may direct their anger outward, blaming others while reassuring themselves of how special they are. The study outlines the cycle as a three-stage process. The first stage is that entitlement creates a constant vulnerability to unmet expectations. The second is that unmet expectations lead to dissatisfaction and other volatile emotions. The third is that the emotional distress demands a remedy, leading to the reinforcement of superiority, and then the cycle begins repeatedly.
What is an example of entitlement?
Entitlement is defined as a person’s general belief that they deserve more than other people, regardless of whether or not they put in time, money, or effort to achieve whatever it is they think they deserve. Sometimes, entitlement is not centered around accomplishments, but rather, people feel deserving of special treatment because of their actual or perceived social status.
Examples of entitlement include feeling massively put out when other people ask you for small favors; however, you expect that when you ask people for favors it is no effort for other people. Another example is you inconvenience others without thinking by canceling appointments or plans with friends at the last minute without considering that your friend may have organized other plans around fitting you in.
Is entitlement a good thing?
While entitlement has its drawbacks, a sense of entitlement allows people to think and act differently from others, and the more they do, the more willing and able they are to generate creative ideas. Additionally, highly entitled people are less concerned about what is socially acceptable or beneficial, leading to more creative ideas or generating risks that lead to big rewards. While some upsides to entitlement, people who are entitled are generally seen in a negative light because they feel they deserve special treatment over other people and often do not stop to question why that should be or whether that belief is fair or warranted.
What is narcissistic entitlement?
Narcissistic entitlement refers to the belief that one’s importance, superiority, or uniqueness should result in special treatment and receiving more resources than other people. Narcissistic entitlement differs from normal entitlement because people base their high self-esteem on their actual accomplishments when it comes to normal entitlement. Their past accomplishments lead them to believe that they are worthy of other great achievements in life, even if they are undeserving.
Whereas narcissistic entitlement occurs when people’s high self-appraisals are unrealistic, they do not deserve the victories and attention they seek. If you think that narcissistic entitlement sounds very similar to regular entitlement, you’re not wrong. It’s very easy for someone who starts with just general entitlement to quickly have their entitlement turn into narcissistic entitlement, especially when they haven’t accomplished anything in a while. Yet, they are still of the mindset that they deserve more than other people.
What causes a sense of entitlement?
What are some common signs that someone has a sense of entitlement?
Is entitlement a narcissistic trait?
What is toxic entitlement?
Are entitled people happy?
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