Am I Depressed?

Content warning: This article includes references to topics that may be considered triggering. Please proceed with discretion. If you are in need of immediate support, you can contact the Crisis Text Line at any time by texting HOME to 741741. 

Depression: at best, it can feel challenging, and at worst, it can feel insurmountable. Low energy, feelings of sadness or loneliness, and a lack of motivation can all play a part in making this mental health condition so difficult to navigate—both for those who experience it and for their partners.

Understanding depression can be a key step toward successfully managing its symptoms and finding a path forward. That’s why, in this article, we will be reviewing what depression is, how it manifests, and how individuals and couples can work together to manage its effects in a constructive and healthy way. 

What is depression and what are its symptoms?

According to the American Psychiatric Association, major depressive disorder, also known as “depression,” is “a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act.” Those with depression may find themselves feeling “down” or “blue,” losing interest in activities they once enjoyed or wrestling with feelings of despair or hopelessness. Depression can also come with various physical symptoms, which can make it difficult to carry out daily tasks.

The symptoms of depression may include, but are not limited to:

• Persistent feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or despair
• Fatigue or lack of energy
• A loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
• Changes in sleep (oversleeping or difficulty sleeping)
• Changes in appetite
• Irritability
• Headaches
• Nausea
• Trouble focusing or remembering things
• Reliance on substances, such as drugs or alcohol

The severity of depression can depend on a variety of factors and vary from person to person, ranging from mild to severe enough to interfere with day-to-day responsibilities. 

What causes depression?

The exact cause of depression has yet to be identified. That said, there are a variety of factors that may contribute to a person developing depression, which may include but are not limited to:

• A family history of depression
• Brain chemistry
• Certain medical conditions, such as thyroid disease or chronic pain
• Certain medications, such as oral contraceptives or acne treatments
• Major life events, such as trauma, a move, the death of a loved one, or the birth of a child

Depending on the person, depression may be due to any number of these causes, either alone or in combination with other factors. If you feel you are experiencing depression and have questions about the cause, consider contacting your healthcare provider for insight into your situation. 

How can couples manage depression together?

No matter the cause, depression can be a challenging and fraught experience. Because of its intense physical and emotional effects, it also has the potential to put stress on relationships, taking a toll on the well-being of both partners. However, this isn’t always a given, and there are several strategies that individuals and couples can take to mitigate the effects of depression on their mental health and relationships. These include:

Practicing self-care

Whether you are experiencing depression or your partner is, it’s always important to tend to your basic needs. This can equip you to better manage the effects of depression on your health and well-being. Self-care strategies, such as practicing good hygiene, enjoyable activities, mindfulness, and exercise, can ensure you are taking care of yourself during emotionally challenging times. 

Healthy communication

Communication between partners can be critical to successfully navigating challenges as a couple, and depression is no exception. It’s important that both you and your partner feel safe to honestly and openly express your needs, struggles, and desires, and to navigate conflict with mutual respect. Consider making a point to practice healthy communication, using strategies such as active listening and periodic check-ins with your partner to ensure you are both being heard and understood. 

Seeking medical advice

Depression can be a complex and multifaceted condition, and depressive episodes can sometimes be caused by certain medical conditions or medications. Getting the opinion of a medical practitioner, such as a psychiatrist or a physician, can be helpful for ruling out any underlying conditions and—if necessary—getting proper medical treatment for your or your partner’s depression. 

Self-education

Because it can carry stigma, and can often be misrepresented and misunderstood, it may be important for you and your partner to take the time to get the facts on depression. Not only can self-education demystify the causes, treatments, and symptoms of depression, but it can provide the partners of those with depression important insight into how to best support their significant others through difficult periods. 

Therapy

Depression can be challenging to grapple with, for both those with the condition and their partners. For those who find themselves experiencing distress due to the effects of depression, therapy may also be an invaluable resource. A licensed therapist or relationship counselor can provide useful insight into the causes and triggers of depressive episodes, as well as strategies for managing it in a healthy and constructive way—for both individuals and couples. 

That being said, attending face-to-face therapy sessions isn’t always easy, particularly with depression, which can at times make it difficult to leave the house. For this reason, many individuals and couples are turning to online therapy through platforms like Regain (for couples) and BetterHelp (for individuals). The ability to attend therapy from the comfort of home, and to send messages to a counselor outside of scheduled therapy hours, may make online therapy an appealing alternative to commuting to a therapist’s office in person. 

Studies have found online therapy to be an effective treatment for depression, for both individuals and couples. One study, from 2017, determined that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was effective at treating various mental health conditions, including depression, generalized anxiety disorder, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder, and more. A different study, from 2022, found that couples who received counseling online saw similar reductions in stress, anxiety, and depression as those who received face-to-face couples counseling. 

Takeaway

Depression is a mental health condition often characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, a lack of energy or motivation, and a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. Other symptoms of depression may include physical symptoms, irritability, and trouble concentrating. Although scientists don’t know exactly what causes depression, factors like genetics, certain medical conditions, and major life events may all play a role. 

Depression’s effects can be severe, but individuals and couples can take steps to mitigate the effects it has on them and their relationships. These may include self-care, healthy communication, self-education, and seeking outside support—either through a medical doctor or a therapist. If you would like help navigating the effects of depression, you can connect with a licensed therapist through a platform like Regain (for couples) or BetterHelp (for individuals).