A Letter To My Son When He Gets Married: Six Things To Include On His Special Day

If your son is getting married, his life is about to change. Maybe your son is still a child and nowhere near marriage, but you find yourself thinking about his special day. You might even want to communicate all the things you're thinking about in a letter for your son to read when his wedding day arrives.

When writing your son a letter for his wedding day, you might reminisce about his childhood, tell him several of his qualities that you are most proud of, or give him some marriage advice. The single best thing that you can include, however, is your support.

Important items to include in a wedding day letter

When your son finds love and decides to spend his life with someone, it might feel as though you are losing your little boy. While getting married is a huge life commitment, it is at this time in his life that he needs support more than anything else. Whether you are saddened by his upcoming marriage or filled with joy, you must make it clear that you will always be there for him.

When writing a special letter to your son for his wedding day, there are six things that you can consider mentioning to help him prepare for what lies ahead.

The honeymoon phase

Anyone that has ever been married knows what the honeymoon phase feels like. It might last weeks, months, or even a few years. The honeymoon phase is a period where it feels like the real world doesn’t exist. Arguments may be non-existent, kisses are plenty, and it may seem like you just can’t get enough of each other. It is hard to understand exactly how this phase feels unless you have experienced it for yourself.

It may serve him well for you to prepare your son for the day the honeymoon phase ends. Whether it is early in the marriage or a couple of years down the line, your son will find that marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows. Real life hits hard sometimes, and your son and his new spouse will fare better if they are prepared as a couple. Prepare them with the knowledge that happiness may not be the feeling at the forefront of his mind all of the time. A marriage must weather the good and the bad, and he needs to know to lean on his partner to make it through.

Marriage is a partnership

Although most people understand this concept, treating your relationship as a true partnership takes some adjusting for newly married couples. Your son will likely need to make the same adjustments. How does he go about doing that? By approaching his marriage as he would any other partnership in his life – with some added aspects.

Your son might not understand that being married means that he probably should not make big decisions or purchases without discussing it with his spouse first. Depending on his age, he may be accustomed to doing things independently without a second thought. This means that weekend trips with his friends, going to the bar after work to watch the big game, and other independent activities require a mention to his spouse at the very least, just for the sake of keeping everyone in the loop. Big decisions, such as a new job or whether to buy a new car, should be made together, and your son should keep this in mind.

Love should be nurtured

Even though he is married now, date nights are still important. He must spend intentional time with his spouse. He might feel as though they have the rest of their lives together now, so making time for one another is not as important as it was before their vows, but that thought could not be more wrong. In your letter to your son, it is best to inform him of this important aspect of marriage. Despite how things may have been when your son was dating, he can no longer coast through love. Love is very much like a garden. Water it, ensure that it gets enough sunlight, and nurture it, and it will grow. Leave it be, and it will wilt. To prevent love from wilting, he must make an effort to spend time with his spouse in a one-on-one environment.

Communication is crucial

A relationship that has poor communication will suffer. A marriage that has poor communication will not only suffer but will likely cause far more harm. 

If he finds himself (or his spouse) struggling with this aspect of their relationship, there is no shame in getting help in developing communication skills. Relationship counselors, such as those available through Regain, can help them communicate more effectively. This doesn’t mean that their marriage is on the rocks or heading to an end, simply that both partners are willing to fix a problem before it causes additional issues. In counseling, both partners will likely learn to communicate better using the right words, active listening, and body language.

Sex is special – treat it as such

This is such a sensitive subject for parents and their children. Some feel comfortable speaking about the topic, but many shy away from it because of its awkwardness. A letter, however, can be much less awkward! You can write honestly and not have to see the look of horror on your son’s face as he reads it.

It is so imperative that he grasps the important nature of marital sex. Sex within a marriage is something that strengthens relationships. However, it also has the power to tear down relationships. Your son must know that his spouse is just as much of a sexual being as he is – that their needs are and should be treated as equally important. Respecting his partner in and out of the bedroom is crucial for building a strong marriage.

This also means respecting their partner's feelings as much as he respects their desires. Sex should not be part of your “locker room talk” or guys’ night chatter. Explaining your own experience or need to keep sex just between those in the marriage can help him understand.

Your parents will always be here, but your partner must be your priority

Whether they are searching for a home to buy together or figuring out Christmas plans, he must go to his partner first. Asking his mother’s opinion about a house over his spouse's may cause issues. Setting up Christmas plans with his parents before discussing possibilities with his partner may lead to hurt feelings and arguing. In adulthood, many young men are still reliant on their parents. He might call you before anyone else with big news, problems in his life, or just to chat. While it is a great thing to keep up a good relationship with your son, getting married means that the person he turns to most must be his spouse.

He has always been your little boy, but he must first be his partner's husband. His spouse must always be his priority, and they should not have to doubt it. By telling your son that you will always be there for him and his new partner, you are signaling your steadfast support. However, you also have to remind him that he cannot come to you over his spouse.

Writing your letter

When you write a letter to your son for his wedding day, it is important to include what you have learned about marriage, but it is also best to make it personal. You don’t want it to read like an instruction manual. While he may re-read it for its sage advice every so often, his wedding day should also be a day of sentimentality and joy, and your letter should reflect that. Add some personality and pride to the letter, and he is sure to have a gift that he will treasure.

Find the words to say with help from an online therapist

A child getting married can be a stressful time for many parents. This union will surely change the family dynamic. It your child is getting married, you may have feelings you need to process. Regain can help. Regain is an online therapy platform designed to help both individuals and those in relationships to deal with a whole host of issues, including the changes brought about by marriage. You can get matched with a licensed therapist who can meet with you any time that works with your schedule.

Online therapy has helped many people to work through issues related to marriage. Because everything is online, it doesn't matter where you live; you will be able to find a therapist to work with. Research shows that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy.

Takeaway

Your son's wedding day should be a happy occasion. If you need to, get support, so that on the big day, you can enjoy every moment.