A Letter To My Son When He Gets Married: 7 Things To Include On His Special Day

By: Kristina Speciale

Updated April 09, 2021

If your son is getting married, life is about to change. Maybe your son is still a child and nowhere near marriage, but you find yourself thinking about his special day. When writing your son a letter for his wedding day, you might reminisce about his childhood, tell him several of his qualities that you are most proud of, or give him some marriage advice. The best thing that you might include, however, is your support.

Important Aspects To Include In Wedding Day Letter

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When your son finds love and decides to spend his life with someone, it might feel as though you are losing your little boy. While getting married is a huge life commitment, it is at this time in his life that he needs support more than anything else. To show your support and to make his wedding day just as he deserves, you might write him a heartfelt letter. Whether you are saddened by his upcoming marriage or filled with joy, you must make it clear that you will always be there for him.

When you write this letter to your son, there are seven things that you should consider mentioning.

  1. The Honeymoon Phase

Anyone that has ever been married knows what The Honeymoon Phase feels like. It might last weeks, months, or even a few years. The Honeymoon Phase is a period where it feels like the real world doesn't exist. Arguments are non-existent, kisses are plenty, and it seems like you can't get enough of each other. It is hard to understand exactly how this phase feels unless you have experienced it for yourself.

It is best to prepare your son for the day The Honeymoon Phase ends. Whether it is early in the marriage or a couple of years down the line, your son will find that marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows. Real-life hits hard sometimes, and your son and his new spouse will fare better if they are prepared as a couple. Prepare them with the knowledge that happiness won't be the feeling at the forefront of his mind all of the time. A marriage is through the good and the bad, and he needs to know that a change will come.

  1. Remember That Your Wife Is Intuitive

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Preparing your son for marriage in real life starts with reminding him that his wife is intuitive. She can feel when things are "off" or if he's trying to pull the wool over her eyes. No matter his intentions, lying or hiding things will set off her intuition and only serve to make things worse.

The best part about her intuition is that she can sense positivity just as much. His happiness can be felt by her, just as much as his irritation. So, be honest and open with her about all feelings so that she can do the same. There will be less need for reading between the lines or trying to get the hint.

  1. Marriage Is A Partnership

Although most people understand the concept, treating your relationship as a true partnership takes some adjusting for newly married couples. Your son will likely need to make the same adjustments. How does he go about doing that? By approaching his marriage as he would any other partnership in his life - with some added aspects.

Your son might not understand that being married means that he probably should not make big decisions or purchases without discussing it with his wife first. Depending on his age, he may be accustomed to doing things independently without a second thought. This means that weekend trips with his friends, going to the bar after work to watch the big game, and other independent activities require a mention to his wife at the very least.

  1. Love Should Be Nurtured

Despite how things may have been when your son was dating, he can no longer coast through love. Love is very much like a garden. Water it, ensure that it gets enough sunlight, and nurture it, and it will grow. Leave it be, and it will wilt. To prevent love from wilting, he must make an effort to spend time with his wife in a one-on-one environment.

Even though he is married now, date nights are still important. He must spend time with his wife. He might feel as though they have the rest of their lives together now, so making time for one another is not as important as it was before their vows, but that thought could not be truer. In your letter to your son, it is best to inform him of this important marriage aspect.

  1. Communication Is Crucial

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A relationship that has poor communication will suffer. A marriage that has poor communication will not only suffer but will likely cause far more harm. When writing to your son about communication, he must understand that he makes an effort to share his thoughts, feelings, and concerns with his bride.

If he finds himself (and his wife) struggling with this aspect of their relationship, there is no shame in getting help in developing communication skills. Relationship counselors are available to help them communicate better. This doesn't mean that their marriage is on the rocks or heading to an end, simply that both husband and wife are willing to fix a problem before it causes additional issues.

In counseling, both partners will likely learn to communicate effectively using words, listening, and body language. To prevent his marriage from ever needing counseling, you might write in your letter what communication means in your marriage. He may have learned by example in his childhood, but he likely saw the good and the bad! Clear things up for him.

  1. Sex Is Special - Treat It As Such

This is such a sensitive subject for parents and their children. Some feel comfortable speaking about the topic; others shy away from it because of its awkwardness. A letter, however, is much less awkward! You can write in honesty and not have to see the look of horror on your son's face as he hears it.

It is so imperative that he grasps the sensitive nature of marital sex. Sex within a marriage is something that strengthens relationships. However, it also has the power to tear down relationships. Your son must know that his wife is just as much of a sexual being as he is - that her needs are and should be treated equally important. Respecting her in and out of the bedroom is crucial for building a strong marriage.

This also means respecting her feelings as much as he respects her desires. Sex should not be part of your "locker room talk" or guys' night chatter. If his wife feels uncomfortable with the idea of him sharing details of his sex life, he must respect her wishes. Explaining your own experience or need to keep sex just between those in the marriage can help him understand.

  1. Your Parents Will Always Be Here, But She Must Be Your Priority

In adulthood, many young men are still reliant on their parents. He might call you before anyone else with big news, problems in his life, or chat. While it is a great thing to keep up a good relationship with your son, getting married means that the person he turns to most must be his wife.

Whether they are searching for a home to buy together, argued, or figuring out Christmas plans, he must go to her first. Sharing his marital issues with his parents might be good in theory, but not when he runs from the problem. Asking his mother's opinion about a house over his wife's will only cause issues. Setting up Christmas plans with his parents before discussing possibilities with his wife is not good.

He has always been your little boy, but he must first be his wife's husband. She must always be his priority, and she should not have to doubt it. By telling your son that you will always be there for him and his new wife, you are likely honest. However, you also have to remind him that he cannot come to you over to her.

Writing Your Letter

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When you write a letter to your son for his wedding day, it is important to include what you have learned about marriage, but it is also best to make it personal. You don't want it to read like an instruction manual. While he may re-read it for its sage advice every so often, his wedding day should also be a day of sentimentality and joy. Add some personality and pride to the letter, and he is sure to have a gift that he will treasure.

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