12 Tips For Younger Men Dating Older Women
Being in a relationship with an older woman—who might be self-assured, experienced, and established—can be both fun and fulfilling. While dating an older woman as a younger man can be exciting, the age gap can also present specific concerns. Knowing how to navigate potential pitfalls can ensure your May-September relationship is thriving and mutually beneficial. In this article, we’re discussing tips for developing a rewarding age-gap relationship as a younger man.
Tips for younger men dating older women
According to one survey, 34% of women over 40 are open to dating younger men. This means that if you’re also open to an age-gap relationship, you may find yourself with plenty of opportunities to date an older woman. For those who are interested in such a partnership, the following tips can help you ensure you are both engaging in the relationship in an open and healthy manner.
1. Set clear expectations
Though not always the case, an age gap might mean that the older partner has more experience dating. An older woman might've had several relationships and even been married. This means that she likely knows what she wants out of a partnership. So, it can help both of you to set out some expectations as you start dating.
Be upfront and honest. Discuss what you're looking for, how you'd ideally like the partnership to progress, and so on. Make sure that you're as honest with yourself as you are with them. If you want a fling and they don't (or vice versa), the best way to show respect for your partner is to acknowledge your preferences and have a candid conversation with her. She will likely appreciate your forthright attitude.
2. Be open with your emotions
Showing affection, regardless of your or your partner's age, is healthy. You may feel that, because your partner is self-assured and independent, she’s less interested in imparting emotions or having you do the same. But showing your emotions and being vulnerable with your partner can help you bond on a deeper level. She will likely see it as a sign of maturity that you’re able to discuss your feelings.
3. Be mindful of her time
An older woman might have a busy schedule that makes alone time with you difficult. She may have kids, a career, or other demanding obligations. So, while you might want to go on spur-of-the-moment dates or text her often, try to be considerate of her time. For her, quality may come over quantity. As a younger person, you may be used to making plans on a whim; but with an older woman, consider setting dates well in advance so that you’re being respectful of your partner’s time.
4. Constructive communication is key
Effective communication, as we’ve discussed already, can be particularly important in an age-gap relationship. You will want to be able to communicate calmly and take accountability when needed. If issues arise that need to be addressed, try to bring them up with your partner right away. For example, if you find that you’re uncomfortable spending a lot of time with an ex-spouse—a situation that may arise when dating an older woman—it is usually best to tell her that as soon as possible. This allows you to stay on the same page as the relationship progresses and keeps you from having your feelings hurt.
5. Be yourself around her
This is one of the easiest things that you can do, but it's necessary. Avoid letting the age gap keep you from being who you are. Sometimes, if there's insecurity surrounding the age gap, it can be tempting to try to overcompensate or be something you aren't. In an effort to stay on her level, you may try to behave in a more serious or refined manner, which can be great—to an extent. Remember that you're attracted to each other for a reason. She may appreciate your youthful enthusiasm and easygoing attitude.
6. Be prepared to interact with kids
If you're dating someone older than you, there's a higher chance that they'll have kids from a previous partnership. One thing you may be concerned about in a May-September relationship is that you might not have much experience with kids or dating someone with kids. In addition to giving her the time and space she needs to be with her children, you may want to check in with your partner and ask how much time and involvement she wants you to have with them. At the beginning of the partnership, there might be quite a few boundaries about how involved you are in the lives of her children.
If she’d like you to meet her kids, you might want to prepare yourself for interactions with them. It can be important for you to not confuse her children by trying to take the place of a parent. You may want to avoid trying to get close to them too quickly. Since you’re a new person in their lives, it may take a while for them to connect with you. Your partner will be the best reference for how to interact with her kids in a healthy way.
Another potential family-related concern, of course, is that they might want to have kids or have additional children sooner than you do. Be upfront about this, especially if it isn’t aligned with what you want. This is relevant regardless of age, but when you and your date or partner have an age difference, it could feel more pressing.
7. Be self-aware
When you enter a relationship, your actions impact another person, emotionally or otherwise. When you start dating an older woman, it can help to look at your patterns in past relationships. Is there anything that you can improve? Something you wouldn't want to repeat? Try to be self-aware and use your knowledge as a guide for the areas in which you can learn and grow. Being able to admit your faults is a sign of maturity, no matter how old someone is.
8. Have your life together
If your partner is established in certain aspects of their life—maybe they have a career, financial stability, etc.—she may want you to bring similar qualities to the table. Of course, this doesn't always have to do with age, and certain things don't necessarily have to make you incompatible. For example, it might not be a dealbreaker if you're mature and love kids but aren't employed at the moment. Try to look at your current situation objectively. Are there areas that you could improve in order to provide stability to a relationship with an older woman? This could help her feel more stable and close to you as you move forward with your partnership.
Navigating an age-gap relationship with therapy
Studies show that online therapy can be an effective form of counseling for couples who are facing situations that may lead to relationship distress, such as an age-gap relationship. For example, in a study of 151 couples, researchers found that online therapy led to improvements in relationship satisfaction, quality, and confidence—gains which were sustained at both a 3-month and 12-month follow-up. Participants in the study ranged from 21-65 years old, suggesting online therapy may be beneficial for partners of widely varying ages.
Online therapy is available if you and an older partner would like to talk through challenges related to a May-September relationship. With an online therapy platform like Regain, it's easy to get paired with a knowledgeable and compassionate licensed professional. Regain works with thousands of licensed therapists—who have a range of specialties—so you’ll have a good chance of working with someone who can address your specific concerns about an age-gap relationship. Your therapist can also connect you with useful resources, such as at-home exercises that can help you better communicate and develop a strong bond.
Therapist reviews
"My girlfriend and I have been working with Alison for about four months now, and with her help and guidance, we have strengthened our relationship tenfold. Her communication style is amazing, and she strives to make the best of our time with one another. If you're looking for a counselor you can put your faith in with the whole experience, she's the one to go to."
"With Cassandra's help, we've been able to bring our relationship to a new, healthier, and much happier level, working through painful situations, growing as individuals and as a couple, and with tools to stay on this path. She's very responsive, and it has been great to have her facilitate our messaging through the app all week. I highly recommend Cassandra. She's skilled, supportive, and down-to-earth. We feel comfortable with her."
Takeaway
Being in an age-gap relationship as a younger man can be a rewarding, meaningful experience. By keeping the above tips in mind, you can connect on a deep level with an older woman. If you have questions about being in a May-September romance or experiencing similar relationship concerns, consider reaching out to a professional through online therapy. With the right support, you and your partner can continue to build a strong relationship at any age.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is dating an older woman a good idea?
The best tips for dating outside your age group will come from a long reflection into your personality. To determine if dating someone outside of our age group is the right idea for you, like dating a younger guy or older one, you first have to examine what you want out of a relationship. Ask yourself about your goals, desires, and what you’re looking for in a romantic partner. Do those things align with what this person wants? Are your priorities the same?
Within reason, the short answer is that it depends on you and the other person more than it does your exact age. What are you like as a person? What are they like as a person?
How do I impress an older woman?
Whether your date is an older woman or not, here are some ways to impress a new or potential mate:
- Show up on time. When you say you’ll be somewhere, be there. Punctuality shows that you care.
- Remember what they say. If someone is talking, listen and make an effort to retain it. Ask questions, later on to show that you’re interested in their life.
- Plan a sweet or special date. Do something that makes you think of them, that you know they’d enjoy, or that has an otherwise memorable, special touch.
What does a mature woman want in a relationship?
What someone wants in a relationship will vary on an individual basis regardless of maturity level and age. It could be that they want companionship without anything too serious, or they might be looking for commitment. Across the board, what people tend to want or benefit from the most is honesty and communication. Some studies touch on some dating or intimacy-related commonalities among demographic groups. Still, the best thing to do at the end of the day is to start a conversation about what both of you want and need in a romantic partnership.
How do you make an older woman fall in love with you?
You can’t force an older woman to fall in love with you. Being yourself is your best bet. You want the knowledge of your relationship and perception of compatibility to be accurate on both ends. That said, what you can do is show that you’re relationship material by being straightforward. Be honest about your intentions and be confident. When you ask them on a date, ask what their schedule is like and ask if they’d like to meet you at a specific date and time. When you plan, it shows that you care and can put yourself out there.
One thing to note is that you might not want to focus on the age gap, and you probably don’t want to remind her that she’s older than you. It’s better to view the relationship as being between two individuals instead of the label of dating an older woman. With this approach, it’s a lot more likely that you’ll work out.
What is the most beautiful age of a woman?
Beauty is subjective. Determining the best age to date, an older woman comes entirely down to your personal preferences and who the person is inside. The most beautiful age will be decided by what you feel an appropriate age gap is between you and your partner. Dating an older woman might not be the best choice for everyone, either. You should only date an older woman if you’re comfortable stepping outside your age group. If you’re uncomfortable with the age gap and feel like you’re leading this person on, it’s probably not the right fit.
What do older guys like in bed?
Some of the best tips for dating an older man may revolve around how you approach your time in the bedroom. They might enjoy the same confidence that younger men should exhibit when they date an older woman. They may also enjoy a lot of playfulness, enthusiasm, and intimacy during your time in the bedroom. Depending on the person, they could also greatly appreciate it if you’re the one to take the initiative! Ask what they like in the bedroom so that you can be confident in what they like.
How do you tell if an older woman likes you?
You want things to go smoothly when you date someone you’re interested in, including an older woman. Do older women like younger men? To determine if older women still find you to be a desirable partner, you’ll need to examine again what it is they might be looking for in relationships. It also helps to brush up on tips for dating them in the first place. When you’re dating an older woman, they might be far more likely to be upfront about how they feel about you. Depending on the person, it might work best if you ask directly! Especially if some time has passed - maybe, you’ve been going on dates for a few months - it might be time to sit down and talk about where you two want this to go.
What makes a younger man attracted to an older woman?
The concept of dating an older woman can be attractive to guys for various reasons, and it often comes down to the person as a unique individual. Depending on their experience with dating, it can make the transition into a relationship much smoother. You might enjoy the fact that they’ve taken the time to get to know themselves and what they want. You might like that their communication style is straightforward. You might like that they’re emotionally intelligent. It’s relatively common that people feel they settle into themselves more when they age, which might be what’s attractive to you.
Why do younger men date older women?
Should a younger man date an older woman?
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