When To Give Up On A Girl: Dealing With Repetitive Rejection
Updated July 07, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Amy Brown
The concept of pursuing a girl is a uniquely masculine phenomenon. From an early age, young boys are taught that a girl must be pursued before she would agree to date them. This is the theme of many romance movies and novels, with the male protagonists often willing to go the extra mile when they pursue a girl.
Of course, regardless of how persistent a man is in his pursuits of a woman, there is no guarantee that she would agree to go out with him. This is understandable because attraction most times occurs in response to preference. Yet, the effort put in to gain a woman’s attention can be quite stressful, with many men often feeling drained emotionally by the experience. This is when many decide it’s time to move on, and they subsequently stop pursuing a girl.
It can be hard convincing yourself that you can give up on a girl if you have never considered why you need to. Sometimes you won’t know the reason you no longer feel the way you used to about someone until you examine the true motive behind your feelings. But how do you deal with repetitive rejection and stop pursuing a woman that doesn’t seem interested in you?
The first thing you want to do is to create some distance between you and her, at least until you can get over your feelings. You are probably used to being around her, or you usually make plans to be with her. You need to do as much as you can to put an end to that by finding a way to stop talking to her. You should also unfriend/unfollow her on social media if it’s going to keep you from engaging with her posts. Doing this doesn’t make you petty, because your intention isn’t to spite her, but to give her space.
When you decide to stop talking to her, know that this also involves not calling or sending her messages. If, for some reason, you are unable to avoid not being around her, then keep your discussions formal and refrain from flirting with her. Endeavor to be polite and respectful in your approach, because you may one day want to be friends with her when you’ve gotten over your attachment, but you won’t be going overboard if you choose to keep the personal jokes and compliments to yourself.
So you have been trying to go out with her, but she keeps making other plans or standing you up. Do you continue to pursue a girl in the hope that one day she will realize how much you like her and finally go out with you? No. Take this as a sign that it’s time to give her space and stop talking to her. Most times, when a woman has no real interest in dating you, one of the ways she shows it is that she tries to avoid you as best as possible. She may start ignoring your calls, replying to your messages late, and being too busy to hang out with you. Once she starts doing all these, then it’s time to stop pursuing a girl.
She knows going out with you may give you the false impression that there is a chance you could date, like a sense of false hope, so she turns down your date proposal even before you make them. Respect her indifference and accept that there is nothing you can do to change her mind about dating you. She may have tolerated your feelings for her, especially if she derives some benefits from you, but she is likely to respect you more if you can respect yourself enough to let her be. When a man seems desperate or obsessed, he becomes less admired by most girls.
Acknowledge your pain
Deciding to stop pursuing a girl you like is a tough decision. You may feel disappointed and upset that you have to end your pursuit. It is normal to feel this way, and you shouldn’t be ashamed to grieve over your decision to bring an end to your pursuit. Let the agony wash over you. Allow yourself some time to reflect on what could have been, and avoid blaming yourself for not doing enough to convince her. A woman who wants to be with you won’t have you going through the stress of a chase before letting you know she likes you.
Another way you can move on from pursuing a relationship with a girl you can’t have is to write about the things you liked and disliked about her. This may feel like an odd thing to do, but taking to evaluate someone can help you clarify your feelings about them. By doing this, you may come to realize that she was never right for you and that your feelings for her weren’t grounded on the right reasons. On the flip side, doing this may also prove to be a useful guide on the kind of attributes you are most attracted to in a woman. This should come in handy when you decide to seek a new romantic interest.
Engage your emotions
One of the ways you can find closure when you stop pursuing a girl is to find a healthy medium to channel your feelings. There is no greater medium for self-expression, like creating art. For some people, they choose to write about their experience, while others choose to sing about theirs. Those who can’t write would often take up reading, and those who can’t sing would usually find comfort in listening to music. Whatever you do, just ensure you aren’t bottling up any feelings of resentment.
Suppressing your emotions will only make them more toxic, which could even hurt your relationship with other people. Suppressed feelings are like monsters in a cage: they keep growing, and no matter how many years they spend locked up, they will remain capable of hurting you. Put as much effort into outgrowing whatever feelings you had for her instead of using your experience as a sober armor against pain. You can share your feelings with a trusted friend or relative, be honest with how you feel, and don’t reject their attempts to comfort you.
However, if your inability to express your emotions is becoming a source of distress, despair, and making you feel stressed, you would need the intervention of a professional to guide you through how you can deal with these emotions. BetterHelp can get you started by connecting you with a licensed therapist.
Stop thinking about her.
If you like this girl a lot, you may not immediately be able to avoid thinking about her. Just because you have chosen to stop pursuing her doesn’t mean you will immediately stop thinking about her. It is normal, and it may take a while before you completely get over her. However, you are not going to be able to move on if you spend all day sitting by the window thinking about her. Instead, replace thoughts of her with those that inspire you to be more productive and focused. Becoming engross with work and assignments is a good way to start, but don’t overextend yourself.
If you notice certain activities, words, images, songs, or situations remind you of her, then, by all means, find a way to avoid those things. You could also ask your friends to not talk about her whenever they are around you, and you should also refrain from asking about her when you hang out with them. The less you know about her, the more you would be able to concentrate on more important personal issues.
Be kind to yourself
In the course of the chase, you most likely spent a lot of time trying to please her and dreaming up all the exciting moments you would like to experience with her. When you stop pursuing a girl, you may find yourself wondering what next. But you don’t have to abandon those desires just because you have stopped pursuing a girl. If you plan on traveling, make that trip. If you were looking forward to dining at the newly opened restaurant in town, you could still go alone, or with some other person, you care about and have a good time at the restaurant.
Take back control of your life and prioritize finding happiness on your terms. Enjoy the pleasures of your own company, learn a new skill, sign up to a gym class, or start a podcast. Besides helping you to take your thoughts off her, these activities will also build your confidence and self-esteem, with the added benefit of enhancing your emotional and mental well-being. The bottom line is, by being more focused on yourself, you are even more likely to accomplish some of your other life goals.
Try getting back to dating.
Life is meant to be lived forwards and not backward. No matter how great she is, or may have seemed, the only way you can find someone that will be willing to reciprocate your feelings of affection is by putting yourself in a position to meet them. Have a positive mindset towards dating and relationships, but don’t forget to keep your expectations realistic. You could also think about what it would be like to be in a loving relationship, or how it would feel about spending time with a woman who gives you a sense of purpose and shares your values.
If you feel uncertain and wary of dating and relationships at the initial stage, don’t panic or give up, because that could just be your heart trying to protect you from getting into the situation you are trying to put behind you. While meeting other girls may seem like a good way to get over one girl, you should only consider dating if you feel ready for it. You want to make sure there are no unresolved emotional issues that may be triggered when you start getting attracted to a new girl. However, there’s no reason you can be one of the many success stories of men who found their soulmate after they stopped pursuing a girl that wasn’t right for them.
If you need to talk to a professional, the licensed psychologists at ReGain can help you to find the courage and confidence it takes to stop chasing the girl you’re currently fixated on.