Should I Date Him? 7 Ways To Determine If Someone Is A Worthwhile Partner
Finding a new man to date is something that might take you some time. You want to make sure that you find someone compatible with you so that you can have a good relationship. If you have recently met someone and you're considering going out with him, then you might be trying to figure out if he's right for you. Are you asking yourself questions such as, "should I date him? There are several ways that you can determine if someone is a worthwhile partner, so read on, and you might have an easier time concluding.
- How He Treats You
Of course, how this guy treats you is going to speak volumes. Does he treat you like a valuable person, or is he just trying to get in your pants? If he does want to get in your pants, then don't even waste your time wondering, "Does he want to date me?" He's not worth it. Flirting can be fine, but if he is only interested in the way you look and other superficial things, it could be a bad sign . If he is taking the time to get to know you and he acts like a gentleman when you're hanging out, then that is a very positive sign. People who have good manners are often disciplined in life, and he could be a good partner if you decide to date.
2. How He Treats Your Friends Or Family
It's also smart to take a look at how this guy treats your friends or your family (and his own). Assuming that he has been around other people in your life, they will be able to get an impression of him as well. Does he come across as a nice and respectful individual when interacting with other people? Or does he see your friends or family as obstacles in his way toward getting what he wants? You can learn a lot by looking at how a man interacts with others, so be sure to pay attention.
You can also lookout to see how he treats the people in his life. Is he a good son to his mother and father? Does he value his friendships? If he is good to the people in his life, then that's a sign that he has a good heart. His treating your people is important, but it's also crucial to consider how he treats the people that are central to his life.
3. His Attitude
His attitude is going to play a big role in determining whether he will be a worthwhile partner. You want to date someone who is going to be compatible with you. If his personality seems to clash with yours, then you're likely better off looking elsewhere for your next love connection. Opposites can attract, but you likely won't enjoy dating someone that you will come into conflict with constantly.
If he seems like a positive guy who has a good attitude, then that makes him a more desirable partner. It shows that he is going to be more likely to maintain a positive outlook on life. People with better attitudes generally find more success professionally as well. It's hard to keep a job if you have a temper or if you get fed up easily. You likely aren't dating someone purely because of their earning potential, but it's nice to know that someone has the tools to take care of himself.
4. What Makes Him Interested In You
You should also look at what makes him interested in you. Is he only drawn to you because he thinks that you're pretty? If so, then he might be a fairly shallow individual. Beauty fades, and you need a relationship to be about more than something as superficial as your physical appearance. Does he have a lot in common with you or does he appreciate aspects of your personality? Perhaps he is good at making you laugh, and you seem to have chemistry. These are good reasons to want to date some in addition to finding them attractive.
5. His Personal Interests
His personal interests are another thing that you can use to gauge whether he will be a worthwhile partner. Keep in mind that it isn't necessary to have interests in common when you're looking for a love connection. It's probably good to ensure that you don't have conflicting interests that are going to lead to problems down the road, though.
You need to consider what matters to you in a match. What types of interests would you find to be indications that someone is a worthwhile partner? If you value intellect, then you might be happy to learn that a man is an avid reader. Those who value physical fitness might want to know that a man is interested in exercise and eating a balanced diet. More superficial interests such as music tastes might not need to factor in too much, but it can be nice to find little things in common too.
6. Whether He's An Honest Man Or Not
If you know that the guy that you're thinking about dating isn't an honest person, then you should avoid getting involved with him. Honesty is crucial when it comes to building a successful relationship. You want to be able to trust the things that your boyfriend tells you. If you know that he often makes things up or that he is an egregious liar, then how could you ever trust him to be faithful or truthful?
Finding someone who is honest and is willing to own up to his mistakes will be good. You don't need to try to find a perfect man who has no flaws. Truthfully, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Everyone makes mistakes, but having the strength of character to be able to own your actions and take accountability says a lot about an individual. If you're looking for a good quality that tells you someone is a worthwhile partner, then honesty is the most important one to pay attention to.
7. His Life Goals
Does the man that you're thinking of dating have life goals? If you have been getting to know him for a bit, then you likely know enough about him to be able to tell if he has ambition. Dating someone who has a plan in life is going to be better than dating someone with no ambition. Plans might not always work out perfectly, but it's good for people to have the courage to strive toward something. Perhaps this man is working toward a college degree, or maybe he wants to get promoted in his company over time.
Whatever the case is, you can tell that someone is looking toward the future by examining their life goals. Some men might even be thinking far enough ahead to know what they want to get married or have children. If this is what you want, then it makes sense to date someone who has a similar outlook on the future.
This isn't to say that you have to strictly date people who have their lives planned out in vivid detail. Not everyone knows what they want when they're young, and it can take time to discover yourself on your journey. A man might not tick all of the boxes that have been presented on this list. You need to use your instincts to determine whether he is a good guy or if he is someone that you should ignore. These are mere suggestions and things that you can look out for to help you know that someone is a good person who is boyfriend material.
Online Counseling Might Help You Out
If you have questions about what you are searching for in a relationship or if someone could really be right for now, it might help to talk things through with a counselor who specializes in relationships. It is very common to have relationship questions and struggles, and asking for guidance can be very healthy.
Search the network of mental health providers at Regain and find the right fit for you, or look for professionals in your local area who work with people remotely.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you know if you should date someone?
If you don't want to date someone, you shouldn't. However, if you want to date someone, you probably have a list of standards for that person, whether it's short or long. Standards aren't used to judge people outside of those you're interested in romantically or to determine if someone is "good enough" as a person or not. Instead, they are used to determine if someone is a suitable match for you on an individual level. For example, you might want someone who is emotionally available and who is in a place to start a family eventually. If you find someone that suits those desires and you want to date each other, you'll likely decide to make it official. We all have different needs and wants, and there is someone for everyone. If you see any red flags that this person might have a negative impact on you, might be lying to you, or may cheat on you, reflect on those things. No matter how much you feel that gravitational pull toward a person, you also want to make sure that the relationship will be healthy for you.
Some people find it helpful to make a list of what they want in a partner. It doesn't have to be extensive, and it doesn't need to be the makeup of your "dream man," but it can help you to scope out what your deal breakers are. Do you need someone who's open to talking about mental health? Do you need someone who wants to live in a specific geographical location? Do you need someone who's polyamorous or strictly monogamous? These are all things to consider. If you've ever heard the phrase, "there's someone for everyone," this is largely where it comes from; no two people want or need the same thing, and at the same time, if there's something you require in a relationship, the chances are that someone else wants the same thing. Be wary of overlooking red flags or things that don't align just because you like someone; when it comes to smaller issues, differences are healthy and don't tend to pose any problems, but if there's something that genuinely will not work for you, it's a different story.
How long should you know someone before dating?
Some people say that they would like to have known someone for a certain number of months before they start dating that person. If that's the case for you, it makes sense that you would wait until that amount of time is up, whether it's one month or three months. That said, the answer to this question will vary so substantially from person to person that ultimately, it's more about what you know about someone rather than how long you've known them. There are certain things that you really want to scope out or cover in conversation before you start a romantically involved partnership with someone. Maintaining the standard that someone must treat you well and going over the important conversation topics upfront is the most important thing to do, whether you've known someone for a few months or a few years.
Should you date someone leaving?
If someone communicates to you that they would like to leave your relationship, it is best to let them go gracefully. This can be difficult, but ultimately, it is not productive to try to force someone into a relationship they don't want to be in, no matter how much you love them. You've got to respect the other person's autonomy. If you've ever heard the saying "if you love something, let it go, if it's meant to be, it'll come back," know that you can apply it to this situation but that you can't necessarily rely on a person coming back. Separation can be painful, so if you are having trouble after a breakup, you can contact a licensed mental health provider who can help you through it.
If, by "dating someone leaving," you mean dating someone who is actively leaving another partnership, the answer to this question will vary substantially depending on a couple of things. First, how long have they been apart from the other person? If they have been completely broken up for a number of months, it's probably fine. However, if someone tells you that they're currently in a relationship and are looking to break up with that person but want to get with you right now, it could be a red flag which indicates that they're cheating on their current partner. Next, do what they miss their former partner, or do they seem to be healed? Typically, you will want someone who will be at least somewhat recovered from their last relationship before you date them.
Why should you date someone?
If you want to date someone, you will likely feel a sense of attraction to them, but again, it's most crucial to ensure that this person will be a good fit for you. Will they enhance your life, or will they bring you down? Will they embrace you, or will they be controlling? Sometimes, you don't know until you get into a relationship. Overall, when selecting a mate, you want to make sure that you're not only attracted to them but that they are genuinely a healthy match for you to be with. You should date someone if you like them and they respect you, if they align your needs or wants for a partnership, and if you know that you're still your own person at the end of the day. There should be a sense of understanding, communication, and trust in a relationship. You should be able to tell this person what's on your mind and not feel as though they will judge you or blow you off. If you're having relationship issues, it may be helpful to see a couple's counselor or an individual counselor, depending on the nuances of what you're going through. If you're not dating someone but are preparing to or aren't sure what you want to look for in a person, you might seek individual counseling. The same is true if you want to heal wounds from the past relationship or from attachment issues or other wounds you have from growing up.
What is the three date rule?
The three date rule refers to the belief in abstaining from sexual intimacy for the first three dates. It's a self-imposed rule that some people decide to adhere to in order to see if a person is dating material, or if they just want to spend time with you to have sex with you. We all have different guidelines for ourselves when it comes to dating, whether it's a certain deal-breaker or wanting to wait any length of time for physical intimacy to occur. Make sure that anything you do is consensual and that it's something that you're both comfortable with. If those boxes are checked, you are good to go.
What is the 10 date rule?
The 10 date rule refers to the idea that you should go on 10 dates before you know if you want to date someone formally or not. It's certainly true that the more time you spend with someone, the more you'll know if you want to be with them or not, so this rule makes sense for a lot of people in a lot of situations. After 10 dates, you will have gotten into some of the topics that can make or break a partnership, such as those surrounding your lifestyle or desires to start a family. You'll have a better idea as to if this person is truly a good match for you or if they're someone who is just aesthetically attractive to you after 10 dates. You will also have a better sense as to if there are any issues related to deal-breakers if you might have for a relationship.
How long do guys wait to make it official?
The answer to this question will vary from man to man. Generally, people wait a couple of months to make things official. After the first date, you won't know enough about someone to determine if they're a good match or not. Spend some of your free time with this person and take things slow to see if they are someone you want to be in a relationship with. Alternatively, be wary of someone who has been treating you like you're in a relationship for a long time but refuses to make it official because they don't want to "put a label on it." If you've been acting like you're in a partnership for a year, but they won't make it official, you might wonder what is going on, and it may be a sign that this person isn't ready for the same level of commitment that you want. Remember that your thoughts on how long it should take to make something official matter as much as theirs do. If you feel like the relationship is moving too slow or too fast, communicate that. The right person will understand and manage the speed that they are taking things to ensure that you are both comfortable. Again, if you are struggling with any issues related to romance, don't be afraid to reach out to a mental health provider who can help. Whether you see someone online through a website like ReGain or talk to a provider in your local area, you deserve to have healthy, happy relationships that meet your needs.
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