What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy?

EFT is a therapy approach with theoretical underpinnings in attachment theory and contemporary family psychology. It focuses on the idea that people seek out positive emotions and avoid negative ones. It can be used for individual therapy, family therapy, or couples therapy. With couples, it helps them learn how to move away from negative emotional responses and toward having a more flexible mindset. Emotionally focused couples therapy is structured according to three stages: de-escalation, restructuring, and consolidation. It can help couples identify and change chronic emotional patterns and work toward creating a stronger bond.

How does emotionally focused therapy help couples connect?

EFT is an approach to treatment that focuses on emotions and the emotional connections in relationships and how they impact connections between partners or as part of the family process. The general idea behind EFT is that people tend to seek out positive emotional experiences and avoid negative ones, which can impact their relationships and other areas of life. 

By focusing on strengthening the attachment bond, EFT can help couples develop more safety, trust, and connection in the relationship, as well as an improved sense of self. It categorizes emotions as more than just a part of relationship problems, targeting them as agents of change.

What is involved in EFT?

EFT therapists work with couples to help them move away from negative emotions or harmful ways of reacting toward a more positive, flexible mindset. The process focuses on three stages, and each stage has multiple steps:

De-escalation

In the de-escalation stage, couples work to develop a sense of safety with their therapist. Together, they identify negative patterns in the relationship that both partners contribute to. 

Steps in this stage include: 

• Alliance and assessment
• Identifying negative cycles and attachment issues
• Connecting to underlying attachment emotions
• Reframing the problem

Restructuring

In the restructuring stage, couples begin to dig a little deeper and start to examine and interpret their emotional distress in different ways. 

Steps include: 

• Identifying implicit needs, fears, and models of the self
• Promoting acceptance by the other person
• Structuring reach and responses, expressing attachment needs, and creating bonding interactions

Consolidation

The consolidation stage focuses on reinforcing new ways of thinking and feeling to help couples learn to use their new skills in real-life situations. The goal is to help couples get more comfortable with these skills and be able to use them to address future problems. 

• Facilitating new solutions
• Consolidating new cycles, positions, and stories of secure attachment

Who can benefit from EFT?

EFT can help couples in various ways. It can help partners develop the skills to understand and process their emotions more effectively, thereby building healthier behaviors. An increase in empathy and communication can improve relationship satisfaction, helping partners better manage conflict, understand one another’s needs, and recognize behavioral patterns. 

However, EFT is not a one-size-fits-all approach to treatment. Not everyone is able to connect with their emotions, while others may be overwhelmed by them, making it difficult to see the other person’s perspective. This type of therapy can be challenging for people with mental health conditions like personality disorders or autism, but accommodations can be made.

How can identifying emotional patterns help relationships?

Some emotional patterns can cause ongoing challenges in relationships, including breakdowns in communication, power struggles, emotional distancing, and more. Identifying negative interaction patterns can help couples take the necessary steps to reverse them and work toward building a deeper bond. 

Couples who are interested in EFT can seek support from a local therapist or consider working with an online therapy platform like Regain. Extensive research has found that online therapy is an effective alternative to in-person treatment. It can be more convenient and flexible for couples with busy schedules or who are just looking for an alternative to traditional treatment.