Sending The First Text To A Girl: How To Start Your Relationship Off Right

Updated August 16, 2023by Regain Editorial Team

Sending that first text to a girl that you like can be difficult and you may feel so nervous that you avoid sending a text at all. Not reaching out can lead to regrets down the road, so if you want to start your relationship off right but you aren't sure how to go about it, there are a few things you can consider doing. In this article, we’ll be giving you several different tips for reaching out to a girl you’re crushing on for the first time. Out of these options, you can pick which one feels right and most comfortable for you, and then give it a go whenever you’re feeling ready.

Want To Brush Up On Your Communication Skills?

Time It Right

If you're reading this article about sending the first text to a girl, then you probably haven't hit send just yet. Although it can be wise to prepare, you may not want to wait too long to make first contact. As a general rule, try sending the first text no later than 24 hours after meeting them for the first time. While you might worry about seeming 'too desperate,' it’s likely you’d rather appear too interested than entirely uninterested. You can make the first text simple and to the point. Something like this works: “Hey Jess, it's Landon from Abigail's wedding. I'm so glad that she introduced us and enjoyed getting to know you.”

By sending the text shortly after the two of you meet for the first time, you can increase your chances of them remembering you. Should the girl remember meeting you and feel interested, it’s likely they’ll respond, even if their text is also short and simple. If you're still not feeling prepared, below are some other tips to keep in mind.

Be Yourself

The first rule of thumb for starting a new relationship is to stay true to yourself as much as possible. It can be tempting, especially if you really like the girl, to put on a front to impress them. This false persona is often called 'the representative.' It refers to a projected image of what we want to be or what we think the person we like would be drawn to. Although it's normal to want your crush to like you back, failing to be yourself can lead to negative consequences down the road. 

When you choose to be with someone, you choose to be with the person you believe they are. If you are pretending to be someone you are not, this is not fair to you or the girl you are with. In order to build a relationship on a solid foundation, it can be critical to avoid telling lies from the very beginning. By staying true to yourself from the start, you can save everyone time and heartbreak and create a healthy partnership. 

Be Straightforward

When you are sending the first text to a girl, try to be forthcoming about what you want. If you are transparent about what you are looking for, you may be in much better shape to build a relationship from that vision. Now, this isn't to say the first text you send should be "I want to date you." However, if the girl you’re texting asks at some point what you're looking for, avoid saying "a friend," if that's not what you really want.

Beating around the bush or concealing what you want in a relationship can be hurtful to someone else. While you may have pure intentions for doing this, it still doesn't make it right and can even be harmful to a potential future relationship. Try practicing being open and expressive with this girl from day one.

Remember that communication can be key in any relationship. The expectations and behaviors you show now can set the pace for the relationship down the road. If you hope to succeed in getting (and keeping) the girl, be straightforward in your conversations.

Don't be afraid to ask questions, tell them what you are looking for, and ask about their desires and needs as well. Even if it costs you the chance to date, you can save both of you from a wasted relationship if you are honest with yourself and the girl you’re pursuing. 

Talk About Them

When you are trying to win someone over, you may believe that the most logical way to do this is to impress them. However, many girls want a reciprocal conversation in which they ask questions about you, and you return the favor by asking some back. 

When you are first starting a relationship, it can be important to start building trust and intimacy with one another. The girl you’re talking to likely wants to know if you are kind, empathetic, supportive, and loving. Constantly texting about your achievements, possessions, or hobbies may be interesting at first, but may become a turn-off over time. 

With everything, balance can be vital. Ensure you are asking the girl about their interests and life just as much (if not more) as you talk about yours, as one-sided conversations can quickly grow uninteresting. Showing eagerness in learning about your crush can be an attractive quality to have and can help the girl feel valued, supported, and cared for. If you steer the conversation in their direction, you may have the positive outcome you desire and could be setting you both up for a successful future together. 

Ask Real Questions

Once you've texted a girl a few times, it may be time to show that you want to get to know them by asking deeper questions. You can think of your own or consider these:

  • Are there any skills you really want to master?
  • What's your favorite childhood memory?
  • What place do you want to go to that you haven't been to yet?
  • What's one food you love and one you hate?
  • What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?
  • How was your life different a year ago?
  • What's your least favorite word?
  • If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy?
  • What's your perfect breakfast/lunch/dinner?
  • If you could only watch one movie repeatedly for the rest of your life, what would it be? (You can replace the movie with a meal, song, etc.)
  • What's your favorite holiday?
  • What one item could you not live a day without?
  • What makes your heart smile?

Instead of sending these questions back-to-back, try asking them over time to keep your texting conversations from feeling like an interview.

Show Your Sensitive Side

Due to societal standards, many men struggle to be open with their emotions; instead, they may hold them in as a way to appear more masculine. However, attempting to always come off as masculine can make you appear cold and uncaring, rather than interested and loving. When first texting a girl, you may be able to make a positive impression by showing your sensitive side and being vulnerable with them about how you feel. Instead of forcing the girl to figure out how you’re feeling, tell them upfront. This can lead the way to an open and deeply emotionally satisfying relationship ahead. 

Good morning or good night messages can be simple but powerful ways to remind this girl that you care about them. You can add in deep emotions that you feel in order to let them know that you are in touch with and proud of your sensitive side. If they have an interest in you, doing these things may draw them in. Showing honesty and transparency from the beginning can help your relationship start on the right foot. 

Pace Yourself

You might want to dive right in when you really like a girl, but it can be important to remember to take it slow. Healthy relationships take time to build. If you skip steps in favor of moving quickly in your relationship, you risk having further problems later down the line. You want to do everything you can to spend as much time as possible building this relationship, especially in the beginning. Enjoying the little moments at the start of your new relationship can lead to a stronger bond later down the line. Avoid asking questions that are too personal too soon and take the time to get to know one another in a healthy way instead.  

Make A Joke

Showing off your funny side can be an easy way to break the ice when you are sending the first text to a girl. Many people are looking for a partner who is funny. When you laugh together, you love together, and few things are better than smiling and having a fun time with someone that you love. If you are looking for a new relationship, it might be time to dust off some old jokes and put them into action. Fun relationships are some of the most fulfilling ones out there. Funny people are also commonly viewed as more genuine people who are relaxing and enjoyable to be around. Your humorous side could give you an edge over any other suitors that are competing for this girl's attention. So, try sending a funny text to get the conversation flowing.

Want To Brush Up On Your Communication Skills?

Online Counseling With Regain

Everyone gets nervous from time to time, especially around their crush. Sometimes, however, sending the first text to a girl could be difficult due to an underlying issue. Problems such as social anxiety could be just one reason why social interactions might be challenging for you. With this issue and more, therapy could be helpful. The counselors and therapists at Regain are accredited and equipped to help you from anywhere you have Wi-Fi and a phone or computer. With online counseling, you don’t have to worry about meeting with a stranger face-to-face, which can cause more anxiety. Instead, you can talk to your therapist through phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging. A therapist can teach you how to manage your anxiety and how to interact with others with more ease. This can increase your quality of life and improve your confidence, which may even help you win over the girl you’re after.

The Effectiveness Of Online Counseling 

Online counseling can be helpful for addressing different mental health concerns, including social anxiety. In one study, researchers assessed the effectiveness of an intensive seven-day internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) intervention for social anxiety disorder. They found large, significant reductions in social anxiety severity and functional impairment at post-treatment and follow-up. Medium, significant reductions in depressive symptom severity were also found. CBT is a type of therapy that teaches people how to reframe their unhelpful thoughts into more positive ones. This allows them to change their automatic thinking patterns and alter their behavior. 

The Takeaway

Expressing your feelings to someone you like can be intimidating, and you may find that you struggle more than your peers in this area. However, communication skills can be improved with effort, time, and the right tools. By working with a therapist, you can learn how to overcome your fears and forge meaningful connections with others. With time, sending the first text to a girl you like may feel less daunting and more exciting. 

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