Sadness And Anxiety After Breakup
You and your partner have split – now you can’t sleep, eat, or laugh, and you feel upset when other people seem happy around you. Even if the breakup was your decision, the adjustment can still take a toll on your mental health when a relationship ends. A breakup can transform a person who is typically very happy and stable into someone who feels depressed, sad, and anxious. If you already have an anxiety disorder, a substance use disorder, or social anxiety, it can be even more difficult to stabilize your mental health during this time. However, it is possible to move past this difficult times by equipping yourself with certain tools and healthy support.
Eight tips for coping with anxiety and sadness after a breakup
Try the following if you’re experiencing anxiety, sadness, or both after going through a breakup:
Practice self-care
Have you heard the expression “living well is the best revenge”? When you’re living well, you likely won’t even care about revenge. Rather, you may just be happy that you’re feeling better about yourself. Positive times are still ahead, and they can come from regular self-care and stable mental health. New insights can come from this time as you seek mental health services, improve your physical health through health services, and occupy your time engaging in activities focused on wellness, mental health, and self-improvement. If your social anxiety gets the better of you, there are ways you work toward more positive mental health online.
Learn a new skill
Do you feel like everywhere you turn, you’re reminded of your ex? Learning something new that you won’t associate with them could help. Consider learning a new language, taking a dance or pottery class, or practicing yoga and mindfulness to help your mental health. Choose an activity you must commit to for some period of time, so it can become a habit. When you engage in this activity, you might not think about your former partner quite so much as before.
Avoid substance use
It’s not uncommon to use alcohol and other substances to numb pain or relax when you’re going through a rough time and your mental health is struggling. However, the more you use them, the more they can contribute to worsening symptoms like depression. They could also lead you to develop a dependency on them and make it even more difficult to move on.
Go on adventures
You likely have a lot of memories with your ex, but now could be the time to make new ones. Although it can be difficult to pull yourself out of bed and create new experiences for yourself, it can be vital to moving forward. The more memories you can gather that don’t include your ex, the more easily you may be able look forward to a future without them in it. You could go out with friends, spend time with family, meet new people, or even take trips by yourself. Getting outside of your personal bubble and discovering new things can help you heal in powerful ways.
Get a massage
Not only can massages be relaxing, but there’s science behind them as well. The body usually misses touch after a breakup, and the lack of touch you’re experiencing can contribute to the anxiety you’re feeling. Reiki massage can actually help ease the symptoms of anxiety disorders and poor mental health. Consider easing your mental health symptoms by booking a massage.
Occupy your time
If you’re still struggling to ease your racing thoughts, look into a volunteer opportunity or a part-time job. If you want to learn something new, many internships have limited hours and can provide you with novel skills. A volunteer opportunity, in particular, can give you a sense of meaning and help you meet new people. Having a sense of purpose in your life can also decrease feelings of sadness and allow you to focus on something outside of your pain.
Evaluate your relationship goals and identify how this relationship was not what you wanted
Did your partner leave you with feelings of rejection? Were there red flags that you ignored? Did they have substance use problems or their own mental health struggles that they left untreated? Were they abusive? Were the good times few and far between? Were they unsupportive when you were struggling? An important thing to remember in this process can be how this relationship fell short of what you desired and what you deserve. Try to establish your terms and conditions for the next relationship to avoid a similar situation in the future.
Look into therapy
You can have therapy online or in person. One benefit of online therapy is that you can start immediately, unlike in an office setting that may be scheduled out for days or weeks in advance. Waiting around for support while you are in crisis can be discouraging. Online and in-person mental health services may be covered by insurance if the provider is within the United States or your country of residence. You may even be able to find support groups and other types of helpful services online.
Embrace your support network
Having a support network that you can rely on during and after a breakup can be crucial to your mental health. You might surround yourself with friends, family members, a clergy member, a therapist, or an online support group. Having people to confide in that love and care for you can help ease your anxiety and any sadness you’re feeling. They can also distract you from your pain and help you focus on other, more positive aspects of life. Over time, you may find that these individuals allow your mental health to slowly stabilize.
Risks for increased struggle after a breakup
If you know you already have any of the following mental health issues, it can be important to take preventive measures to avoid spiraling into anxiety after a breakup.
Substance use – Substance use can be a common crutch during dire times, and if you already struggle with it or with mental health, substance use may trigger deeper emotional turmoil. It can be helpful to put measures into place to avoid potential substance misuse.
Chronic depression – If you have depression already, even good times can leave you feeling like you don’t have much to feel happy about. A breakup can lead to a full mental health crisis with traumatic stress.
Social anxiety – Do you have social anxiety? When engaging in activities outside of your house, seek emotional support by having a close friend or loved one accompany you. Giving in to your social anxiety can lead to isolation, making all your efforts to move on more difficult.
Anxiety disorder – Anxiety disorders are one of the most common mental health disorders in the United States. Experiencing something like a breakup could make your anxiety even harder to cope with than normal. It can be important to employ coping mechanisms to help yourself move through your grief.
Eating disorders – The stress of a breakup causes many people to go through a period of disordered eating; someone may eat more or less depending on the stage of mourning they are in. People with eating disorders may experience that to a level of excess. If you struggle with an eating disorder, you might consider using health services and nutrition programs while you seek mental health support as well.
Personality disorders – People with personality disorders can struggle to adapt to change, and a breakup can cause one’s mental health to worsen. Employing coping techniques and speaking to a professional can be beneficial.
Signs you’re struggling after a breakup
Feeling sad after a breakup is normal, but how do you know when it’s too much and when you’re in need of an intervention? Look for the following red flags:
Social isolation – It’s okay to grieve; in fact, it can be vital to give yourself some time to let yourself fully feel your emotions. However, if you’ve spent a few days indoors, it may cause your sadness and anxious feelings to worsen.
Panic attacks – Your anxiety after a breakup may be accelerating if you find yourself having panic attacks. You can seek intervention by making an appointment with a mental health professional, whether in person or online.
Racing thoughts and feelings – This could be a sign of a bigger mental health issue, such as anxiety or an anxiety disorder.
Substance use – If you’re misusing certain substances, that is, taking them more often or more than prescribed, you may be developing a substance use disorder. You can improve this situation by reaching out to a professional, removing yourself from those situations, or removing the substances from your home.
Online counseling with Regain
Breakups can be inevitable in life and experiencing anxiety and sadness after a breakup are not uncommon emotional states. Surrounding yourself with people who love you can help. If you are having a challenging time moving past your anxiety after a breakup, it might be necessary to consult a professional. Online therapists, such as those at Regain, can work with you to process your feelings and equip you with coping skills you can use for a lifetime. The difficult emotions you might experience after a breakup could cause you to not want to leave the house. With online therapy, you can still have support, whether from your bed, couch, or anywhere else you feel comfortable. With time and dedication, you can move forward from this painful time of your life.
The efficacy of online counseling
Online counseling can be a helpful tool for those experiencing sadness and anxiety after a breakup. In one study, internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was found to be an effective treatment option for a variety of psychiatric disorders including anxiety and depression. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a technique that teaches people how to replace their unhelpful thoughts with more productive ways of thinking.
Takeaway
Experiencing mental health concerns like anxiety and sadness after going through a breakup can be common. Not having someone around that you were used to talking to every day can be a challenge, and it can be difficult to know how to get comfortable with spending more time alone. By focusing on your needs, finding new activities and hobbies to engage in, and spending more time with friends and family, you can learn how to heal and move on. Sometimes, the pain of a breakup lingers, and you might feel stuck. In these instances, speaking with an online therapist can help.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How long does anxiety last after a breakup?
Feeling sadness and anxiety after a breakup can be natural, but how long will those anxious feelings last? Just like anything else, it can vary from person to person. It may take weeks, months, or even years to feel like you’ve fully recovered from the emotional turmoil and anxiety that often accompany breakups. To help post-breakup anxiety fade away, it can be helpful to focus on self-care in a couple of different ways.
First and foremost, try to prioritize yourself and your personal well-being. Relationship anxiety can take a toll on your mental health, so it can be essential to check in with yourself and learn what you can do to satisfy your emotional needs.
Practicing mindfulness and spending time enjoying your hobbies can be an effective way to curb anxiety after a breakup and get back in touch with yourself.
If you still find that you feel anxious after trying some of these techniques, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. Not only can they guide you through post-breakup anxiety, but they can also give you healthy coping mechanisms and strategies for managing any anxious thoughts you may experience.
Can a breakup give you anxiety?
We all may feel many different things post-breakup, including but not limited to sadness, depression, anxiety, and distress. Feeling anxious after a breakup can be normal and expected to some extent, but it can also be challenging to cope with.
Dealing with a breakup can bring up different thoughts and emotions that can trigger us to feel anxious. Depending on what exactly your anxious thoughts are rooted in, you might find success from trying some different management techniques and coping mechanisms to help alleviate breakup distress.
If the post-breakup anxiety feels like a continuation of the relationship anxiety itself, it can be helpful to think about, or even write down, what went wrong during the relationship. By doing this, you are practicing mindfulness while also identifying tangible things that are improving post-breakup.
If you are feeling anxious that you are losing a support system, it can be helpful to turn to a trusted friend or family member. You may be surprised at how surrounded by supportive people you are.
What happens psychologically after a breakup?
When dealing with a breakup, we may feel sadness, anxiety, or even physical pain. Some psychologists have found that the post-breakup anxiety and sadness that we feel triggers the same parts of our brain as physical pain. This shows that the sadness, depression, and anxiety after a breakup can feel almost traumatic. When experiencing an unwanted breakup, we can develop even more anxious and negative thought patterns, even if we have never experienced anxiety before.
Though feeling intense feelings of depression or anxiety after a breakup can be natural, no one deserves to feel breakup distress. Almost anyone can successfully process and work through these anxious feelings, both alone and/or with the help of a therapist or other mental health professional. Eventually, with time, effort, and deliberation, most people find that anxiety after a breakup diminishes, and they’re able to move on.
Can heartbreak cause anxiety attacks?
Just as heartbreak can cause us to feel sad or depressed, it may also cause anxiety and distress in some individuals. Feeling anxious after a breakup, though normal, does not feel good. Therefore, it can be helpful to learn some techniques to help curb anxiety attacks and other related anxiety symptoms.
Many individuals find breathing techniques, like box breathing, useful when they feel anxious or feel an anxiety attack coming on. It can also be helpful to incorporate a mindfulness practice such as identifying your emotions or sensory experiences.
If you experience anxiety after a breakup, it can be beneficial to see a therapist (or another mental health professional). Therapists and counselors can offer more specific anxiety prevention techniques and coping mechanisms suited to your situation and your experience of relationship anxiety.
How do I calm my mind after a breakup?
Oftentimes an unwanted breakup can cause us to feel anxious or depressed. Many individuals experience racing thoughts, obsessive thoughts, feelings of panic, distress, and physical restlessness.
If you are experiencing these complex thoughts and sensations after a breakup, it can be helpful to incorporate some relaxation and anxiety prevention techniques into your routine, such as:
Box breathing - breathing in for a count of four, holding for four, breathing out for four, holding for four.
Take note of five things you see, four things you can touch or feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Allow yourself to acknowledge, recognize, and identify thoughts and emotions as they come in, but release them without judging them as good or bad.
At the end of each day, write down three to five things you are proud of and three to five things you are grateful for.
Finally, it can be helpful to see a therapist or counselor who can help you develop more specific techniques. A therapist can be there to listen with a non-judgmental ear about how you’re feeling and let you know that you’re not alone in processing this breakup.
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