About me
Couples Therapy
I go by Dr. Bill and I am a licensed therapist (license number Psychologist 5077, LMFT 12373), in practice for 44 years. I am primarily a couples therapist (75% of my work ), but I also have many years experience working with anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and other addictive and compulsive behaviors. I ran a drug and alcohol treatment program for 13 years, and I have been in charge of an outpatient eating disorders program. I ran an anxiety treatment program with individual and group therapy for over 25 years. I am also a university professor, organizational consultant, wellness and well-being coach and author. My wife Robin (also a therapist) and I are the co-authors of Mindful Choices for Well-Being As Well as Finding the Right Partner (pending publication).
• How successful do you want to be in your most important relationship?
• How confident do you want to feel in helping your relationship work, and work well?
• What would it be like to see conflict as an opportunity for relationship growth?
• Would you like to have the skill to courageously and positively navigate conflict troubled waters with a sense of safety, and with a confident and clear sense of direction?
If you are reading this I imagine you have frustration and unhappiness with your relationship, or fear it's moving in the wrong direction, and I’m betting you love your partner. Usually, love is not the problem.
You might start off by reading a seven-page blog article on my couple's website www.beingtherightpartner.com. The article is entitled Hurt People Hurt People.
The essence of a great relationship is both parties getting really good at being self-aware and self-managing/self-regulation - as in the "Hurt People Hurt People" article.
No one's perfect and we all make mistakes, and we all hurt/offend/frustrate/confuse/anger our partners. Also, we all get hung up on debating the facts, and that never helps anything. Then there is avoidance, which usually makes things much worse. Conflict is inevitable, but conflict can be an opportunity to grow your relationship.
The best you can do is learn how to consistently calm down, slow down, relax, give up control, give up having to be right, give up having to win, give up having to avoid - and most of all give up having to defend. Instead, put your own stuff on the back burner for a while and tune into your partner with the full commitment to totally understand them at a deeper level, understanding their deeper emotions and their unmet needs. Hopefully, you will communicate this understanding with empathy, compassion, and validation.
Most people are terrible at doing these things and that's why most relationships don't work. 50% of marriages don't work, millions of people who are not formally married, and therefore not part of the 50% statistic, walk away from their relationship, and millions of couples who stay together are unhappy. That translates to about 70% of relationships not working very well. However, my mission is to help people be in the 30% that are successful and happy - and I have a great track record.
Think of me as your relationship coach. My mission is to help you be in the 30% and all I need from you is to be willing to work at being more self-aware and better at self-regulation/self-management. Are you coachable?
IMAGINE!
• Regularly joining your partner in genuine dialogue with both of you feeling listened to, understood, respected, and validated, leading to a deep and satisfying bond.
• Co-creating a profound sense of safety where each of you feels comfortable talking about anything and everything, at any time, secure in the knowledge that your partner is willing to hear you and understand you.
• Not hesitating to enter dialogue with your partner even though you have widely varying opinions, strong feelings, and the issue is of high importance to each of you
• Assertively, not aggressively or passively, tackling emotionally risky issues, and doing so with skill and confidence
• Disagreeing "agreeably" with your partner, expressing yourself fully on difficult issues, but in a way that your partner is more likely to hear you, and in a way that is more likely to lead to a positive outcome
I look forward to working with you!
Dr. Bill
Specialties
- Stress, Anxiety
- Addictions
- Relationships
- Intimacy
- Eating disorders
LGBT , Family conflicts , Trauma and abuse , Grief , Sleeping disorders , Parenting issues , Anger management , Self esteem , Career difficulties , Bipolar disorder , Depression , Coping with life changes , Coaching , Compassion fatigue , Read more...
Clinical approaches:
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Attachment-Based Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Method, Imago Relationship Therapy, Mindfulness Therapy
Years of Experience: 46
Services offered
Messaging
Phone
Video
Licensing
CA LMFT 12373
CA Psychologist 5077
Reviews
These quotes represent just a few of the many positive reviews that we have received for Dr. William Shearer. We don't pay anyone to provide their review and they are all made voluntarily. Some people's experience receiving therapy with Regain might be different.
Dr Shearer is an amazing therapist. I am so glad we found him.
One word: wisdom.
Really great tips and instructional literature for really whatever your struggles are! Highly recommend
By far the best therapist!! Would recommend to everyone
Dr. Bill is a supportive and responsive counselor. He has taught us how to better manage conflict in our relationship. His approach focuses on learning by application and consistent practice. I highly recommend!
Dr. Bill is a great councilor and he's helped us a lot!
My partner and I have had an amazing experience with Dr Shearer. He is so personable, kind, understanding and helpful. He has helped us work through some hard issues and made us feel stronger together.
Dr Bill uses a lot of different techniques, and talks you through them so they are easy to understand and use, plus had 1000s of pages of information for you to get all of the info you could ever need.
He has been quick to reply (even with a time difference) and so so helpful. We have been so genuinely impressed and he has really helped us feel stronger as a couple.