Is It A Deal Breaker? 15 Reasons To Call Off A Potential Relationship
Medically Reviewed By Audrey Kelly, LMFTSo, you've gone on a date or two, possibly more, and things seem to be going smoothly between you and the person you've been seeing. In fact, you may even consider them your ideal partner. However, something unfortunate happens that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, causing you to lose interest and doubt the chances of a serious relationship developing.
This article will discuss some of the biggest and most common deal breakers in dating. The goal is to help you decide whether to reconsider seeing this person or whether it would be better to end things for good.
- Chronic Lateness
Dating someone late all the time can get old after a while and can be a deal-breaker. Some people are happy to make an exception for being late for a date if the person has an actual excuse; others, however, might find it disrespectful even if you're a few minutes late for the first meet-up. If you notice a pattern of lateness with a person, you may consider calling it quits on them if it bothers you enough. Everyone is late occasionally when there are things beyond their control, but chronic lateness could be a red flag and a sign of disrespect.
- Smoking, Drinking, And Drugs
Unless otherwise stated, substances can be a major deal-breaker for many people. While drinking alcohol tends to be more acceptable than smoking cigarettes or doing drugs, substance use disorder can certainly cause concern. Compared to alcohol, however, a smoking habit or other drug addiction is more frequently cited as a deal-breaker when it comes to dating.
- Lack Of Hygiene And Self-Care
If you go on a date and it seems like the person you're seeing didn't bother to put themselves together, this may be a red flag. Some would even argue that this could be grounds for dismissal in shorter- and longer-term relationships. It's possible that someone who does this doesn't have self-respect or respect for you. This lack of consideration could signal future problems and maybe a deal-breaker depending on how much it bothers you.
- Racism & Other Forms Of Bigotry
For most people, any signs of racism or bigotry are understandably a huge red flag. Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily come up in early dates and might reveal itself later on once you have gotten to know each other. Regardless of how many dates you have been on, if you find that the person you are seeing is a racist or a bigot, it's best to move on and look for someone more tolerant of others.
- Political Opinions
Racism and bigotry are obvious deal breakers, but even simple political differences can cause problems in relationships. If you and your date have strong opinions on opposite sides of issues, this could very well be a deal-breaker. That said, some couples can work past having different political opinions and reach enough common ground.
- Having Multiple Relationships
If you are dating someone who sees other people aside from yourself, you may want to break things off with that person because it tells you that they are not fully invested in you. It is one of the biggest deal-breakers out there. This topic applies to already married people, which can be tricky to realize at first if the person you are seeing takes off their ring when meeting with you.
- Promiscuity & STD/STIs
A person doesn't necessarily need to be in a relationship with someone else to be intimate with another person besides yourself. Promiscuity or sleeping around with different partners is a major deal-breaker for most people. Being promiscuous with strangers puts people at risk for contracting STD/STIs. While many, but not all, can be managed, it is still a valid health concern that people would prefer not to have to deal with at all.
- Having Anger Issues
It's completely normal to become frustrated and get angry every so often, but if it's persistent, there could be some underlying issues that need to be fixed. If you're not married to the person, you aren't under any obligation to help them. Many people in relationships will work through anger issues. Still, those who notice it early on will often see it as a deal-breaker because it can potentially open up another can of worms, as discussed in the next section.
- Physical And Emotional Abuse
Having anger problems that aren't managed and put under control can sometimes lead to abuse, and if for some reason the person you are seeing lashed out at you, or in the worst-case scenario, put their hands on you and tried to hurt you, you need to leave immediately. It is another deal-breaker that no one should have to put up, especially because your immediate health and safety are at risk. Even if the abuse wasn't directed at you either, or perhaps someone has informed you that your date has a history of it, you should proceed with caution and strongly consider removing this person from your life.
If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.
- Having Kids Or Not Wanting To Have Any At All
Finding out that your potential love interest has already had children is a very common deal-breaker. Some people worry that they will have to take on the role of a parent and start fulfilling that role even early on in the relationship, despite being told otherwise. Conversely, if they don't want to have kids, it can be an issue for those who would like to be a parent in the future. Although it's one of the biggest deal-breakers out there, there is the possibility of compromise, such as through adopting a child, for example.
- Messiness
While it doesn't seem as severe as some of the other items in this list of deal-breakers, dating someone who is untidy can irritate those who prefer to keep things clean, neat, and orderly, if you are in the early stages of dating, you can decide whether you like the person enough to stay with them or not, but always consider the possibility that you might have to clean up after them if you decide to commit to something long term.
- Being Clingy
Sometimes, there is a fine line between wanting affection or showing concern and being overly dependent. For example, if this person never stops texting or calling you, and you don't feel the same passion, this might be a deal-breaker. If they don't seem to have any hobbies or passions or life beyond your relationship, this could also be a red flag.
- Untrustworthiness
Trust is a significant part of any healthy, functioning, and happy relationship, and if you think that the person has given you a reason that they cannot be trusted, you should move on and find someone that can be. This differs from the mistrust seen in dependency in that it is more rational; therefore, try to determine if these trust issues are legitimate or possibly you're overthinking it.
- Bad In Bed & Impotence
Sexual incompatibility is quite logically a deal-breaker for many people. After all, it can be hard to envision a serious, long-term relationship together if you have no romantic or sexual compatibility. There are different strokes for different folks, so you're likely better off finding someone with whom you feel comfortably and strongly compatible on a sexual and romantic level.
- A Lack Of Confidence
One of the biggest deal breakers in relationships is displaying little to no confidence. You don't need to be boastful and arrogant, as these are also qualities that people dislike; instead, you need to trust your ability to do things and try to be comfortable in your skin. Before others can depend on you, you need to rely on yourself.
Conclusion
A list of the biggest deal-breakers will typically vary from person to person, but this article has provided a list of some of the most common ones that can put an end to a relationship.
Hopefully, it also gives you an idea of what you should avoid when dating someone. If you struggle with any of these, counseling and therapy may help you address them. For example, if you have any issues such as anger, confidence, or trust issues, therapy will allow you to work on them safely and healthily.
At ReGain, licensed professionals are available online who can help improve your chances of having the best relationship possible, and luckily, most of the biggest deal breakers are things that can be resolved with some effort.
However, everyone has the right to end a relationship for whatever reason they seem fit. If you find any of these to be a deal-breaker in your current relationship, by all means, you can end it, especially if you've attempted to help fix the problems.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How Do You Know If Your Relationship Has A Deal-breaker?
Some of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship include whether there is the presence of verbal and physical abuse from your partner. Any behavior that affects your safety and security is a sign that you should get out of the relationship before things worsen.
Another big problem is infidelity. Cheating on a partner instills mistrust, breaking the foundation of the relationship. It can also break a person’s self-esteem and self-worth, which can be difficult to recover from.
Another of the biggest deal-breakers for some couples is that one person wants kids while the other does not. It’s good to have these conversations early in the relationship before you get in too deep, as resentment can easily lead to the relationship breaking up.
One of the absolute deal breakers for a relationship is having a partner unwilling to listen to what you have to say. This person thinks they’re always right, isn’t willing to compromise, and doesn’t know how to take responsibility when they’re wrong.
These are just a few examples of breakers in a relationship, but they may not be for everyone because people’s relationships are different; deal breakers for one couple may be fine for another.
What Is The Biggest Deal-breaker In A Relationship?
It depends on the person and the relationship. However, one of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship can be substance use disorder, whether alcohol or other substances. Having a drink on occasion may be fine, but if your partner needs a substance to have a good time or it drastically changes their personality, you should be on guard.
It can be a big deal for a relationship since it can lead to your partner abusing you, especially if it changes their personality. Trust is broken, poor decisions can be made, and money is wasted on supporting their habit instead of investing it into something more important.
What Is The Opposite Of A Deal-breaker?
The opposite of a deal breaker is a deal maker; this is a list of qualities or behaviors that attract you to a partner rather than repel you. For example, your ideal mate could be good at communicating their emotions or someone with a good sense of humor. It involves features that people look out for in other people they are attracted to.
What Are Relationship Red Flags?
The red flags you may notice in your relationship are usually common deal-breakers that can end the relationship. A few of these deal-breakers include a lack of trust, your partner being immature or irresponsible, a lack of communication, you feel insecure in your relationship, your partner has controlling behavior, or abusive behavior is present. It can be easy to miss a deal-breaker initially. Still, if you notice certain deal-breakers that are recurrent, then it’s a definite red flag.
Is Bad Hygiene A Deal-breaker?
Absolute deal breakers are different for everyone and different kinds of relationships, but some are common. For short-term relationships, two of the most common deal-breakers are a partner who smells bad and a person who has bad hygiene. This can be interpreted as not wanting to be with a partner who isn’t responsible enough to care for themselves or care about their appearances. It may not be on everyone’s list of deal-breakers, but it’s a common one for many.
Is Cheating A Deal-breaker?
One would think that cheating would be a definite deal-breaker for most people, but it’s more complicated when people’s emotions get involved. Some people can forgive their partners for cheating on them, willing to work things out with their partners to see if they can keep moving forward. They give them a second chance, and they probably promise not to do it again. However, if forgiveness comes with not holding your partner accountable for their actions, then there may be a lack of self-respect on your part.
