Six Dating Deal Breakers You Shouldn't Ignore

Dating can be a touchy topic. When you’re navigating a new relationship, it can be difficult to know what is acceptable and what is not in your new partnership. You could be feeling both excited and apprehensive to see what this new relationship will bring. These intense emotions could lead you to ignore red flags, though. 

Perhaps the best thing you can do for yourself when dating someone new is to address any problematic behavior right away. Consider trusting your instincts, and don’t try to push forward when you know the relationship isn’t right. Being alone can be more fulfilling than being in a relationship with someone that isn’t right for you. If you pay attention to dating deal breakers and walk away when necessary, you may have an easier path to success in the dating game.

Excessive neediness

At the beginning of a new relationship, it can be endearing to be with someone that seems to always like having you around. You might even revel in their neediness for a while since it can make you feel desirable and give you a sense of purpose.

When the novelty of a new relationship wears off, your partner’s neediness may become tiresome. Independence may be important to the success of a mature relationship. If you spend most of your time tending to your partner’s needs, you may start ignoring your own. It might feel flattering to be with someone needy initially, but it may not be worth the trouble it can bring in the future.

On the other hand, some people might be naturally clingy in relationships. If this is something that you enjoy or that you’re comfortable with long-term, then it may not warrant you walking away. Consider trusting your intuition when it comes to these types of situations. 

Dishonesty

Dishonesty that comes up early in relationships might be dismissed. Perhaps your new partner told a white lie, and you let it go, writing it off as nervousness or a desire to impress you. This might not seem like a problem until the lying escalates or becomes a habit. What starts as a little white lie in the beginning could snowball into full-blown deception down the line. Consider the adage, “you teach people how to treat you”. When you allow lies early in the relationship, you might be sending the message to your partner that you’re okay with dishonesty. It may be best to demand honesty from the beginning. The decisions you make now can set the tone for the entire relationship. 

Money

Finances represent one of the top reasons for divorce in this country. Thus, it may be important to be financially compatible with your new partner. Someone who is a whiz with money, for example, might not fare well with someone who blows their paycheck in a few hours. If you are with someone who has a radically different idea about money than you do, you could be asking for problems later in your relationship.

These issues may not present themselves immediately, especially if you’re not living together. You may need to imagine what may happen if you continue a relationship with this person. One day, for example, you might choose to combine households. You could merge incomes or have a joint bank account. Your partner’s spending habits might squander away your savings or cause you to have trouble paying bills. This can cause frustration and strife within your relationship.

Addiction

When you start a relationship with someone experiencing addiction, you may think you will be able to help or to “fix” them. This job, though, should be left to a professional. If you do try to stay in the relationship, you could face an uphill battle. Addiction can take a hefty toll on not only the individual experiencing it, but those around them as well. It could be important to remember that you won’t be able to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. And if they do want help, they’ll be better off getting it from an addiction specialist, not their romantic partner. 

Hooked on an ex

Someone who is not yet over their ex is not ready for a new relationship. If you find your love interest is constantly talking about a previous lover, this could be a red flag.

Healing from a breakup isn’t always easy. It can be especially challenging for people who haven’t gotten closure or don’t want the relationship to end. Some people may jump into a new relationship to alleviate their loneliness, but it doesn’t often end well. You may want to look for someone who is ready and able to be present in a new relationship. 

Jealous/possessive

Jealousy and possessiveness can seem sweet at first. It can be nice to get attention and feel wanted by the person that we are attracted to. However, jealousy can lead to abuse. This is perhaps one of the biggest red flags you should look out for in a new relationship. Consider that you are not an object to be owned. Instead, you are a person who deserves to be loved and cherished. 

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

See a deal breaker but don't want to call it quits?

Because there are no perfect people, it will be impossible to find a perfect partner. We often find ourselves knee-deep in relationships with people we like but who have negative traits or bad habits that cause us to question moving forward. If you’ve identified deal breakers in your relationship and wonder if there is a way to work around them, you may need to speak to someone with expertise in these kinds of situations. 

It can be difficult to find the time for a therapy appointment when you’re actively dating, though. Online counseling can be a better alternative for you if your social activities are overwhelming your calendar at the moment. With internet-based therapy, you can skip the commute and attend sessions from home or anywhere you have Wi-Fi. Online counseling is also more flexible since appointments are available outside of typical office hours. 

This type of remote therapy is also supported by research in the field of mental health. In a recent meta-analysis of studies, researchers found that people experienced similar outcomes, whether they attended therapy online or in person. The study reviewed nearly 10,000 cases spanning various populations and mental health challenges. 

Takeaway

Deal breakers in a relationship aren’t always the easiest things to walk away from. Consider that as much as you may like the person you’re currently dating, the future that you want and deserve may take precedence. If you’re still on the fence about ending a relationship or want to try to work things out in couples counseling, reach out to Regain today.