Tips To Keep The Conversation Engaging When Texting A Guy
Texting can be a wonderfully convenient form of communication that offers many benefits. However, texting has some drawbacks too, and it can be hard to keep the conversation going when you're trying to figure out what to say. Read on to learn tips for holding a guy's interest through text messages and how therapy can help you improve communication skills.
What texting is such a popular communication method
Test messaging offers instant communication with anyone in the world at the touch of a button, so it’s no surprise that it has exploded in popularity over the past two decades. Compared to other methods of communication, it is relatively low-cost and offers the opportunity to send messages without interrupting the other person’s schedule as a call would.
It is important to note that texting has some drawbacks too. Along with texting etiquette (the social guidelines for texting manners), you should remember that text messages don’t offer tone or inflection, and it can be easy to miss contextual clues or make assumptions. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations can frequently occur, so ask for clarification if you need it.
Benefits of texting
Texting pros include:
- Offers a direct line of communication between people
- Many people prefer to text rather than talk on the phone.
- Responding is easy and can be done at your convenience.
- Cost-effective and accessible in many parts of the world
— Monique M. H. Pollmann et al, study of in-person vs. text communication
How often should you text him?
When starting a new flirtation or relationship with a guy, you may want to text him constantly because he's on your mind. According to recent studies, adolescents send and receive an average of 67 texts daily; between 45% and 65% are texting romantic partners or interests.
If you're not sure how often to text him, pay attention to how he responds. You should be fine if he's texting back quickly and seems engaged in the conversation. However, if there are long gaps between his responses and he doesn't say much when he does talk, he might be overwhelmed.
“Text messaging has been identified as the medium of choice for continual relationship maintenance, and text messaging from mobile devices overshadows all other media forms for the support of social connections.” — Exploring Generational Differences in Text Messaging Usage and Habits
Texting etiquette
Below is a list of rules for proper texting.
- Respond to a text with a text.
- Don’t be upset if you don’t get an immediate answer. You don’t know what’s happening on his end.
- Text the same day/night you get their number.
- Wait for a response before texting again.
- Take a second to scan your message for typos before sending it.
- Balance your use of emojis and exclamation points.
- Don’t deliver sad news or break up over text.
- Avoid texting under the influence.
Tips for holding a guy's interest through text
Many guys need help communicating or reading contextual clues through text messages, so don't automatically assume he knows what you mean. If you’ve had trouble keeping the conversation going with a guy you like in the past, try some of these tips.
Use an upbeat tone
Many men appreciate an upbeat tone and a positive attitude when texting someone. That doesn’t mean you have to fake it if you’ve had a rough day, but if most of your texts are negative or don’t offer opportunities for him to engage with you, it may be hard to hold his interest.
Keep it simple to start the conversation
A little can go a long way when texting a guy. Try sending a simple message like, “Hi, handsome. How’s your day going?” It sets a light, flirty tone, demonstrates your interest, and invites a detailed response.
Give him a reason to respond
If you only send short or single-word messages, it can make it hard for him to respond. If he asks how your day went and all you say is “Fine,” where does the conversation go from there? You're texting him to start or continue a conversation, which means you need to hold up your end of it too.
Talk about common interests
When you don't know what to discuss, ask questions until you find a common interest. You can even make it a fun game to help you get to know each other. Plan to ask 20 questions in total (10 each) with the goal of finding something you have in common. Each of you chooses how many questions you’ll need to find five things you already share. The winner gets to pick your first/next date.
Ask fun, open-ended questions
Keep the conversation going by asking open-ended questions that inspire in-depth answers. You could try asking what he’d buy first if he won the lottery, what he’d change if he could alter anything worldwide with the snap of his fingers, or what role he would play in an apocalypse.
Make him feel special
Many men enjoy it when you pay attention to them and ask how they’re doing or find unique ways to let him know that he’s on your mind. Texts to wish him good morning and goodnight will likely be welcome, and if you’re thinking of him throughout the day, send a quick text to say so.
Send photos to show your day
If you see something that captures your interest or you think he may like, snap a picture and send it to him. If you're feeling attractive, you can snap a quick selfie or send photo clues to hint at a fun date. Adding the visual element to your conversation doesn't have to be remotely sexual.
Use sentences instead of abbreviations
Using complete sentences and proper grammar can ensure you convey the message you want without misunderstandings. While teenagers often use abbreviations, "text speak" can be almost another language for people who aren't used to using it. Until you know one way or the other how he prefers to text, take the time to type out your messages and use punctuation.
Be witty and fun
You should convey the same level of emotion, interest, and curiosity through your text messages that you would if you were face-to-face with him. Many men appreciate a sense of humor, so don’t be afraid to make him laugh.
Ask about his day
You can show your interest by asking about his day. Instead of asking how it went, try something like, “It’s great to hear from you. Did anything interesting happen to you today?” He may appreciate you showing curiosity about his experiences.
Match his message length
If he sends you a sentence or two, try to match your message length to his. Don’t respond with a paragraph or multiple paragraphs to a quick text—and if he sends a longer message, don’t respond with a short answer that doesn’t give the conversation anywhere to go and may make him feel you can’t be bothered.
Additional Texting Tips
- Avoid drama and gossip
- Don’t be afraid to flirt
- Use texts to make in-person plans
- Follow his conversational cues
- Don’t go overboard with emojis
Reach out for help
If you have trouble communicating with other people, you may benefit from speaking with a qualified therapist online whenever and wherever you have time in your busy schedule. Therapy can help you learn healthy, practical methods to express your thoughts and feelings while addressing any underlying issues that may be holding you back with the support and guidance of a mental health professional.
How therapy can help you build communication skills
Many people have difficulty expressing their feelings and needs, making it challenging to carry on a meaningful text conversation. If you have a hard time communicating with other people, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform focused on relationships, such as Regain. Parents or guardians seeking help for their children can contact TeenCounseling for online therapy for kids from 12 to 19.
According to the most recent data, there’s no significant difference between in-person and online therapy results. However, virtual treatment is often cheaper and has shorter wait times to speak with a therapist. Online platforms also offer access to a much wider variety of therapists, so you have a higher chance of finding someone who fits well with your personality and situation.
Takeaway
Many people experience difficulties keeping an engaging conversation going over text. The information provided in this article offers insight into some tips to make texting a guy you like smoother and how therapy can help you build your communication skills to make texting easier.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you keep a guy interested over text?
One of the best ways to win over guys and keep them interested in the text is to develop an easy-going give-and-take in your text conversations.
First, give him your attention by showing interest in him and his interests, preferences, and activities. Listening is a valuable skill that makes people feel cared for and appreciated. You can listen over text by waiting for him to respond, paying attention to what he texts, and responding in pleasant ways. But to listen, you need something to listen to. Ask questions about what he likes. For instance, you could say, "I was listening to song x. Do you like it?" Or, you could say, "What do you think of our football team this year?"Then, when he texts back, let him know you paid attention by saying something brief about what he just said. If you don't understand, ask a simple question.
Next, with him about yourself and what you like. Rather than sending him a long, multiple-page text, text him a few words about something you like. For instance, you could say, "I went to x concert last night, and it was an awesome show." Then, wait for him to text back before you mention it again. If he wants to know more, you'll know when he mentions it in another text. But even if he doesn't seem to notice what you said, he still might have read it and thought about it. This makes you more authentic and understandable to him because he now knows more about you.
To keep it light-hearted, be sure you don't monopolize the text conversation. You can make it easier for him to play an equal part by waiting for him to respond and answering relevant questions or reflections of what he said. Avoid arguments and criticisms and stay positive and upbeat. You also need to stay as calm as possible While texting won't show your muscle tension or body language, the words you use and how fast you send messages may show that you aren't really comfortable. But don't worry about it. Instead, try some calming techniques. You can take a few deep breaths, sit back, and enjoy your text conversation.
You can also make all your text conversations better if you work on your self-esteem when you aren't texting. If you feel good about yourself, others are more likely to feel good about you, too. And if your self-esteem doesn't rely on connecting with this one guy, you won't sound desperate or needy. A therapist can help you learn to build your self-esteem and start feeling complete within yourself.
How do you know if a guy likes you while texting?
You might not even know if a guy likes you through texts alone, but you might get some clues. For instance, if a guy likes you, he's more likely to respond. And if he responds by asking you questions about yourself, it's an even surer sign that he wants to know more about you. If a guy initiates a text, even if it's just to a joke or a funny meme, it means at the very least that he is interested enough to connect with you over text voluntarily. He is seeking you out, whether it is as a friend or something more.
Based on feedback from guys on a Reddit thread, Elite Daily listed several clues that might show a guy is interested in you.
- They get into the flow of constant communication.
- He responds right away.
- He hints that he likes you by texting regularly and being a little flirty.
- Almost every day, he tries to get into a long conversation with you.
- He isn't quick to end the conversation – in fact; he's obviously trying to keep it going.
Should guys initiate texting?
Yes, guys have just as many reasons and rights to initiate texting as females do. And females appreciate receiving a text as much as guys do.
Most women and girls enjoy getting texts. Even if you are more interested in the physical aspects of the relationship, there is a good chance that she is very verbal. Females tend to want to learn about your character, who you are, whether you are confident and self-assured. Texting first is a great way to make an impression, and there is really no reason why a guy can't be the first to do it.
How often should a guy text you if he likes you?
There is really no hard and fast rule for how often a guy should text if he likes you. Putting that expectation on him can make it harder to have a connection with him at all. Remember that not everyone likes to text. Some people don't like how easily words alone can be misinterpreted over text. Others like to talk to you over the phone or in person. And some people feel talking in person is more fun and exciting. So, the first thing you need to do is get to know him in the way that is most comfortable to him and comfortable enough for you.
Usually, when a guy likes you and doesn't mind texting, they will text you at least three times a day. They will send a good morning text, a good night text, and another text sometime during the day. But again, it does not help anything demand that he texts you an exact minimum number of times during each day. Instead, go with the flow, reach out to him sometimes, and respond in a nice way when he does text.
Do guys like it when girls text first?
Yes. Most guys do like it when girls text first. After all, guys are human, just like girls, and humans crave attention. Guys tend to feel that girls appreciate them and think they are worthwhile when they get the first text. Also, many guys dislike the old rules of dating that say they should initiate all contact with girls. That rule puts a burden on them, and it means that they have to take all the risks in the relationship. So, yes, most guys like to get a text first, just like girls do.
How do you start a conversation with a guy over text?
If you're nervous and wondering about how to start a conversation with a guy over text, then just keep it simple. You don't need to send a long, drawn-out message that will make him feel like he needs to reply immediately; instead, send something short and sweet. For example: "(Your name here) is really looking forward to seeing you tonight."
How do I keep a conversation going with a guy?
This is a common question for women and it can be difficult to know how to keep a conversation going with a guy. There are several ways you can do this, but one of the most important things when it comes to keeping a guy interested in talking with you is being yourself. If you're someone who's always joking around or sarcastic, then don't suddenly start acting serious and sweet. If you're someone who's usually quiet and reserved, then don't suddenly start talking about your weekend plans or why you got fired from your last job. The more you try to be someone else, the less likely it will be that he'll want to talk with you again. Instead of trying to keep a conversation going with a guy by saying things like "Do you like video games?", ask him questions about himself like "What do you do for fun?"
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