10 Marriage Tips For Newlyweds

Congratulations, newlyweds! The start of your marriage is an exciting time that can also bring newfound and possibly unexpected challenges. If you wish there was a magic instruction book on what to expect for newlyweds, you're not alone, but if you need a little help, look at the following ten pieces of marriage advice instead.

1. Decide how you're going to handle holidays

At first thought, you might think that this isn't a big deal. But holidays can cause a lot of stress for couples in the early years of marriage. If not properly dealt with, it can continue to cause stress year after year.

Before the holidays arrive, discuss how you're going to celebrate them. Talk about what traditions are important to each of you and find a way to blend them and make new ones. If you have an extended family that likes to celebrate together, find a schedule that you can agree on for who you will be celebrating with for each holiday.

If your family is used to having you home for every holiday, the thought of you being away with the in-laws might take some time for them to adjust to.

2. Make sure your expectations are real

Unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of problems in marriage.  If you went through premarital counseling before tying the knot, you most likely discussed some areas where this is true, such as money, religion, etc. If you didn't, you should spend some time thinking about it.

You and your spouse are two individual people who grew up with two different backgrounds. You did things one way in your family, and your spouse and in-laws probably did things another way altogether. Naturally, people expect the same type of thing when they enter marriage as what they saw with their own parents or how their household ran when they were a child.

Take the time to discuss your expectations in different areas of your marriage with your spouse and ask them what expectations they have. This will quickly help you find the areas to address.

3. Discuss roles and who is going to handle what in the household

There are household chores that need to be done: grocery shopping, cleaning, vehicle maintenance, balancing the bank account, etc. It's helpful to discuss how you will handle each of these things in your marriage.

The division of tasks might need to be revisited later or adjusted as you see what works for you both and what doesn't.

4. Spend time together and focused on your marriage

The first few years of your marriage may be crucial to its long-term success, so you must work on your marriage from the start. The beginning is the time to build a strong foundation for the future of your marriage.

Spend time with your spouse. Find activities you like to do together and continue to make the effort you made with them before you married. Look for red flags in your marriage and address them as soon as possible.

5. Remember that difficult times don't mean it's over

There will likely be things you didn't expect in the early stages of marriage. This can make it easy to question your decision to get married. You might think your partner's behavior has completely changed after marriage. As you work on navigating the first year, there are many challenges and arguments that you didn't expect. 

You might have thought everything would be smooth sailing once you got married, but this isn’t the case. Every marriage faces struggles from time to time. If you believe you are the only one struggling, it can make you feel like giving up. Knowing that it's normal for relationships to go through ups and downs can encourage you to stick to it.

6. Ask for and offer forgiveness

Forgiveness can be a struggle in any relationship, and it's different for men and women. But asking for forgiveness and extending it is crucial for a happy marriage. There will be times when you do something that hurts or upsets your spouse. You must acknowledge it and take responsibility while also asking for forgiveness. There will also be times when the same will be true for your spouse.

Keeping score and tracking how often your spouse has wronged you only leads to more hurt and pain in marriage. True forgiveness will require you to forgive your spouse even if you don't always feel like it and then forget about it. Once you forgive them, don't continue to bring it up. Let it go.

7. Tell the other what you need

In a perfect world, your spouse would always know what you need. But in reality, you can't expect your spouse to read your mind or anticipate your needs. If there is something that you want from your spouse, you need to communicate it clearly to them.

Expecting them to figure it out alone will only set them up for failure. You give them a fair chance to meet your needs or desires when you tell them what you want.

8. Have a plan for your finances

According to businessman Dave Ramsey, money is one topic that couples avoid discussing, which is a problem for many reasons. There's a good chance that you and your spouse don't have the same ideas about handling finances. If you avoid talking about it, you won't be on the same page, leading to disagreements.

It may not be fun, but creating a plan for your finances can help you avoid many problems before they start. Sit down and discuss a budget and spending. You may want to work with a financial planner to help you out.

9. Cut the cord and establish your new family

Some people have a more challenging time than others forming a new family. When you're trying to establish yourself and your spouse as a family unit, you will generally have to pull back a little from your parents and siblings.

This doesn't mean you drop having a relationship with them, but you need to ensure you're putting your spouse first. Their opinion is the one that should matter when you are working on making decisions. Not all parents have an easy time letting go in this area. It's important that you politely set boundaries and then stick to them.

10. Don't be afraid to ask for help

Sometimes you can benefit from asking people like family and friends for advice, but it's essential to understand the difference between talking with someone you know personally and talking with a therapist.

Going to couples counseling is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it can be the difference between working through the challenges of deciding to call it quits. The statistics show that the chance of marriage counseling helping your marriage is very good. According to Bradley University, "93 percent of couples also reported that counseling gave them the tools they needed to deal with their problems."

A therapist can help you and your partner by staying in a role where they don't take sides as friends and family can. They can help you get to the root of your problems and learn the skills that can help you to improve your marriage.

Consider online couples counseling

If you are getting ready to get married or in the newlywed phase, counseling can improve your chances of a successful and happy marriage. Online therapy makes it easy for you and your spouse to work with a therapist without taking too much time out of your schedule. You can attend sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection, and you don’t have to worry about commuting to an office or being on a waiting list for an appointment.

Research shows that online couples therapy is effective, too. One study found that couples felt they effectively connected with their online therapist and that the “video actually enhanced the therapeutic alliance, due to a greater perceived focus on therapy processes.” If you’re ready to take the next step, get started with Regain. 

Takeaway

Adjusting to life as a married couple can be challenging. If you find that you are struggling in some areas, don't be embarrassed. It's something that every couple goes through from time to time. Don't ignore the problems. Focus on your marriage and building a strong foundation, and don't hesitate to work with a therapist for additional help.