Different Types Of Conflict Resolution In Relationships
All relationships have conflict. To pretend that everything is perfect in our families, friendships, and romantic relationships are glossing over a big part of our lives. When you are in a relationship with someone, romantic or otherwise, you will butt heads from time to time. We're all different in some form or another. We have different opinions, different needs, and different ideas of how we want things to go. Conflict isn't inherently bad. What can get worse is how we handle it. Conflict resolution is really what we should be focusing on. Instead of outright fighting or giving each other the silent treatment, we can work together to solve a common problem, and hopefully, feel closer to each other because of it. There are many different ways to resolve conflict in your relationships. Here are just a few that you can try out for yourself.
The three-step process
Dr. Susan Heitler, the author of From Conflict to Resolution, wrote a three-step process to conflict resolution for Psychology Today. The steps are 1) recognize there is a problem, 2) explore any underlying concerns, and 3) create a mutually agreeable solution. To solve a conflict, you first have to recognize that there is one. This isn't an excuse for flying off the handle with rage, however. Recognizing that a problem needs to be solved should understand that there is work to be done. Usually, you can tell that there is some form of conflict if you or your partner starts getting agitated or angry. Instead of letting those feelings escalate, recognizing the conflict will allow you both to take time to articulate what is bothering you. You can both calmly explain what you think is going on.
Once you've stated there is a problem, dig deeper. The conflict stems from issues that go far beyond the surface argument. If you both can think about what you're really in conflict about, you will better articulate your needs and fears without jumping to insults or other emotional outbursts. As a plus, when your partner can understand the emotional stance you are coming from, they are more likely to respond with empathy and compassion, even if they still don't agree with you. Finally, once both sides have been heard, you can come to a compromise. Even if you still want different things, you can work together to find a solution that will make you both happy. It won't be exactly what you want, but it will be a mixture of the things you need and your partner's needs.
Use the three-step process as an outline for future conflict. But when you do, be aware of how you are communicating throughout the process. Half-heartedly going through the motions won't get you the outcome that you want. Know that you can only control yourself. You control your words, your actions, and your reactions. Keep the following suggestions in mind the next time you have conflict.
Utilize active listening
Conflict can escalate quickly if one or both of you don't feel like you're being heard. Obviously, there is a discrepancy between you two in how you think of a certain situation. You don't have to go back and forth trying to make the other see your side of the point. Before you can get anywhere in the conflict, you both have to listen to the other's side or perspective. This doesn't mean you have to agree outright, but you have to pay attention and listen with empathy. This is a person you care about and you want to get along with. At the most basic level, giving them room to speak what's on their mind will do wonders for conflict resolution. And when you give them the space to talk, you can expect they will give you that same space in return.
Watch your tone
So much wasted energy could be recouped if we paid attention to our tone and our body language. Allowing anger and hurt to color how we speak to each other doesn't help to resolve conflict – it only aggravates the problem. When an argument is getting heated, it's okay to take a step back and regroup. If you can't think of anything nice to say or fear that if you speak, you will start shouting, that's a good sign that you should walk away from the conflict for a while. Not every conflict will be resolved in one sitting. Speak calmly and, don't be self-deprecating, and refrain from mocking your partner. The kinder and more open you can be, the better result should come out of your resolution.
Acknowledge each other's emotions
It's easy for an outsider to tell you to take emotions off of the table and look and the conflict for what it is. But if we are really honest, emotion plays a huge role in our conflicts. Whether you feel hurt, scared, angry, or tired, it plays a role in what you will do moving forward. You should acknowledge your emotions, as well as the emotions of your partner. Don't let them take over the conflict, but express them calmly to help you communicate more clearly. You feel the way you do for a reason, so you should expect that your emotions are taken into account when you find a resolution to the conflict.
Assume you will come to a resolution
When arguments run long or get overheated, you may be tempted to throw in the towel and say that you'll never find a solution. Resist that urge at every turn. Every argument can come to a solution if you are willing to work at it. When you care about your partner and want to find a place of peace, you have to take the time to see the conflict through to the end. Assuming that you will find a resolution, you'll work harder and be less likely to give up when things get hard. Having a can-do attitude will help to find a common agreement between the two of you.
Never tell each other what to do
Finally, avoid telling your partner exactly how to fix the problem. For men, especially, the urge to "fix" the problem will be hard to fight. Sometimes conflict resolution isn't about a fix or even a Band-Aid; sometimes, it's just about communication and how to do it better. This goes back to listening to your partner. Instead of looking for places that you can fix, be present at the moment and acknowledge your partner's thoughts and feelings. People don't want to be fixed. They mostly want to be heard.
Conflict is something we all face daily. Sometimes these conflicts are minor, everyday irritations. The conflicts are often large, span days, and make us feel lost with no way out. If you are in that spot, know that you aren't alone. Conflict spirals are messy and difficult, but they can be resolved. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. Online therapy is a resource that can help when you need it.
Improve conflict resolution skills with a counselor's guidance
With Regain, an online platform that connects people with trained therapists and counselors, you and your partner can get the therapy you need from the comfort of your home. You can use the platform just for yourself, or you can bring your partner into the same chat room so you both can communicate with the same therapist. Use it any time, day or night, without worrying about interrupting your therapist or even feeling scrutinized on the other side of the computer.
Regain is built with you in mind and gives you the flexibility to use it however you want it. Been chatting with a therapist for a while and think you might be ready for a phone session? Set it up directly with your therapist, and you can talk on the phone or through a video service in real-time. And because Regain offers a monthly subscription service, you don't have to worry about over-the-top costs per session. Use it as long as you need and cancel the subscription at any time.
To get more information about the Regain platform and match with a therapist, go to https://www.regain.us/start/.
Takeaway
Conflict resolution gets easier the more you practice it. Whether you decide to get help from a therapist or work diligently with your partner, you will find a rhythm that works for you. Remember that the most important part of conflict resolution is working together with your partner to find a place of peace and happiness.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What are 5 conflict resolution strategies?
There are many ways to resolve conflict and build healthy relationships with the people in your personal and professional life. However, unmanaged controversy can lead to unhealthy relationships and mental health problems over time.
According to Ralph and Thomas Kilmann, people generally handle conflicting positions with one of these five tactics:
#1. Avoiding
This is when you dodge anything that has to do with the issue. It helps prevent controversy but does not address the problem, so it’s not always the best solution.
#2. Defeating
This is when you fight against the conflict to establish a clear position on the subject. It creates defined boundaries but may be seen as too aggressive for certain situations.
#3. Compromising
This is when you come together to find a happy middle ground that’s beneficial to both sides. It often resolves conflict, but it requires some sacrifice, so it may not work.
#4. Accommodating
This is when you give in to the other side’s wishes. It usually stops conflict in its tracks, but you won’t get what you really want in return because it gets taken off the table.
#5. Collaborating
This is when you join forces to handle the conflict from the same side instead of competing. It’s highly effective but requires all sides to agree on one thing.
If you need help handling conflict or improving your relationship with better communication skills, talk to a relationship counselor as soon as possible.
How do you resolve conflict in a relationship?
Healthy relationships start with two people who are good at handling conflict. To make a relationship work, you must first understand that conflicts and controversy are natural parts of bringing two independent lives together. Therefore, it’s not always a sign that something is seriously wrong. It may just be due to a lack of communication or an inability to comprehend. That’s why the best way to resolve conflict in relationships is to either address the issue yourself or seek professional counseling.
There are also five standard tactics that you can use in the meantime:
- Collaborating - Standing on the same side together in a fight against a common enemy.
- Compromising - Finding a feasible middle ground that benefits everyone in some way.
- Accommodating - Bending to the will of the other side to make the relationship work.
- Defeating - Fighting against the cause of conflict until a plausible solution can be found.
- Avoiding - Preventing exposure to or discussion of the problem regardless of the situation.
For more help building healthy relationships with your loved ones despite inevitable conflicts, talk to a relationship therapist as soon as you can.
What are 3 ‘How do you guidelines for resolving a conflict?
The peculiar thing about resolving conflict in relationships is that your tactics must be tailored to your situation, surroundings, and position, either in society, work, or home. Because unhealthy relationships are less productive overall, it’s important to fix the issues before they get out of hand.
To improve your relationship, whether it’s at home, in your heart, or on the job, clearly define your boundaries and then use one of these three techniques:
How to handle conflict at home
Set fair expectations for each person of the family and then hold everyone accountable for doing their part. In this scenario, avoidance is hardly ever the right option.
How to handle conflict in intimate relationships
Understand each other’s desires and try to accommodate or compromise as often as possible. If something causes conflict in your intimate relationships, bring it up with patience and kindness to avoid turning something small into something much bigger.
How to handle conflict at work
Be well aware of your position in the company and try not to step out of bounds unless necessary. If conflict happens at work, take your concerns up the chain of command before attempting to handle it on your own.
Try talking to a workplace counselor or seek therapy for more help resolving the conflict in relationships, partnerships, and/or families.
What are some examples of conflict resolution?
Conflict resolution is an essential part of maintaining healthy relationships. However, understanding the importance and knowing how to do it are two different things. So, here are some examples of conflict resolution, plus five effective strategies that can work at home, on the job, or elsewhere:
- Actively listening when someone else is talking about their thoughts, feelings, or concerns.
- Showing empathy and/or compassion for the other side despite your opinions.
- Being somewhat flexible about the things you’re wanting or needing from the exchange.
- Addressing the root of the problem to prevent it from causing problems again.
- Picking your battles by resolving that the issue is too small or petty to get upset about.
Each one of those examples can be broken down into one of these five conflict resolution categories:
- Accommodating - Showing mercy to the other side.
- Collaborating - Forming a team to create positive change.
- Compromising - Giving and taking to find a middle ground.
- Defeating - Getting rid of the problem completely.
- Avoiding - staying away from the issue to prevent upheaval.
Some tactics are appropriate in certain situations but inappropriate in others. So, talk to a relationship counselor for tips on how to maintain healthy relationships despite the conflict.
What are the 6 steps of conflict resolution?
Conflicts are a part of healthy and unhealthy relationships. So, it’s important to resolve the underlying issues either way. Here’s how you can do it in six easy steps:
- Prepare for the conversation. Try to either review or write down the things you want to address so that everything gets put on the table for fair consideration.
- Unpack the issue gently. Try not to come off as too aggressive or pushy because it could have an opposite effect or offend the other side. This is when you bring up the issues you prepared in step number one.
- Understand the other side’s position. Practice empathy and compassion even if you disagree. Remember that each person has value and significance despite their controversial perspective, so listen closely and respond in kind.
- Come up with some viable solutions. Be sure to include something beneficial to all sides for a quicker resolution. However, keep in mind that you might also get asked to compromise in the course of figuring things out.
- Choose the best option. Carefully review the proposed options and then pick the one that’s most suitable for the situation and those involved in it. Try not to be too hasty or impatient while ideas fly around.
- Implement the choice as soon as possible. Make an immediate change in the dynamics of your life by taking fast action. After all, there’s no time like the present to begin making your relationship work better.
What are the 4 types of conflicts?
There are many different types of internal and external conflicts to battle throughout life. Issues with memory, information, values, interests, plans, opinions, and concepts are natural parts of human nature and growth. In fact, even healthy relationships deal with conflicts from time to time.
However, each type of controversy can be broken down into four main categories. By understanding those categories, you can better understand yourself and others. Then, resolving conflict becomes much easier for both sides. Those four categories are as follows:
#1. Conflict with Self
#2. Conflict with Others
This is when the primary source of conflict is someone else or a group of people.
#3. Conflict with Surroundings
This is when the primary source of controversy is something external and/or public.
#4. Conflict with Spirituality
This is when the primary source of conflict is spiritually based or lacking spiritual significance.
For help in determining which type of conflict you’re dealing with, talk to a relationship expert before addressing the issue.
What are the 7 steps in conflict resolution?
There are many different ways to resolve conflict. Most of the time, the solution must be based on the individuals involved. Plus, the unique situation and any expressed goals of the group should also be considered. Here are seven steps to resolve most conflicts or improve your relationship without professional help:
- Identify the cause(s) of the conflict(s). Try to be as clear as possible about your concerns and practice active listening when others speak about theirs.
- Understand the interests involved. Be courteous about the fact that your wants and needs aren’t the only important ones.
- Come up with some viable solutions. Choose options that are somehow beneficial to every side involved.
- Evaluate the options together. Allow each side to give their opinions about the situation without imposing their own bias.
- Choose the best solution. Make sure everyone involved feels heard and valued before making your selection.
- Come up with a contingency plan. Life is unpredictable, so create a plan that’s flexible enough while still being effective.
- Make it official. Somehow document the new parameters of the relationship to help keep each side accountable.
Resolving conflicts in a relationship can be tough, especially with differing opinions and contradictory needs. So, prevent upheavals and maintain healthy relationships by seeking counseling when it’s needed.
What are conflict resolution techniques?
Conflict resolution techniques are peaceful, productive methods for resolving controversy, debates, and disagreements. They’re often used when two or more sides oppose one another in some way. The issues may stem from personal, political, spiritual, or financial disparities. However, people and entities can create conflict for many different reasons. Thus, many different techniques are used to find a solution. To determine the cause of your conflicts or build better relationships despite the inevitable disagreement, practice active listening and be prepared to take swift action. For more help, seek professional counseling.
What is the most important key to resolving a conflict?
How do you eliminate conflict?
- Previous Article
- Next Article