Finding Prince Charming looked so easy when you were a little girl watching your favorite Disney princess movie. A handsome and wealthy stranger rides in on a white horse to save a damsel in distress. Obviously, it's love at first sight, and without another thought, they marry and live happily ever after.
If only it were that simple! In reality, romantic relationships can be confusing and complicated, and when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner, the decision whether to commit can be downright anxiety-inducing. Thankfully, you don't have to go into such a momentous decision blind, so don't fret. Here are ten ways to know he's the one for you.
Ways To Know He Is The One
There may have been only one or two things that initially attracted you to your man. Usually, the qualities that catch your attention first are surface-level qualities like good looks, charisma, etc., but a handsome face and a charming personality only go so far when you think about making a lifelong commitment to him. If you're wondering whether he's the one, here are some things to consider.
It may seem like a given that in a long-term relationship, appreciation for the other person is a must. However, there are so many relationships where gratitude is an afterthought or even non-existent. Unfortunately, it can be all too easy to take the other person for granted.
While it's normal to do things for your man without expecting anything in return, it's important to frequently hear a "thank you" for those little things you do. But, it is not just the verbal expression of thankfulness that shows he appreciates you. Does he ask for your advice? Does he value your opinion? Does he include you in his decision-making process? If he goes out of his way to express his appreciation for you, you can feel good about a lifelong relationship with him.
Another way to know he's the one is if you no longer feel the need to hide all those strange quirks or stay away from those off-limits conversations. When he's around, you feel safe. In fact, just being with him sets you at ease. You can let your guard down and be who you are without worrying about the consequences. Additionally, while it's healthy to be comfortable talking with him about any topic under the sun, it's also a good sign if you're able to just sit together in comfortable silence. It means you can enjoy being together just for the sake of being together, and you feel a sense of security in your relationship.
One of the most important topics for any marriage relationship is if kids fit into the equation. Many people have different opinions on kids. It might be whether they want them or not, or how many. Maybe he feels like it's the more the merrier, but you feel that even just a couple littles running around would be too many. Maybe he doesn't even want kids and would rather have your relationship be just the two of you, even after getting married.
It's important to be clear about where you stand on this subject. Any miscommunication here can lead to endless frustrations or unfulfilled expectations. What you want your future family to look like should play a major role in your decision about a lifelong relationship. You shouldn't have to give up your dreams of having a child when your boyfriend doesn't want any. So, if you find agreement in this area, that's another sign he may be the one.
If he's the one, he will be your biggest fan. He will celebrate your successes, cheer you on in the tough times, and grieve with you when disappointments come your way. Choosing a lifelong partner shouldn't mean giving up on all your hopes and dreams. In fact, it's invaluable to have a person by your side who believes in you, especially for the times when you struggle believing in yourself.
According to Dr. John Gottman's Sound Relationship House Theory, being in a relationship where you feel encouraged to follow your dreams is a contributing factor to a successful marriage. It's important that your man embraces your goals and takes an active part in seeing you accomplish them. If your wins are his wins, if he doesn't judge you for your failures, if he encourages you to get back up and try again, if he wants to see you reach your highest potential, then he may be the one.
Ginger Rogers once said, "When two people love each other, they don't look at each other, they look in the same direction." This is ultimately a statement about values. Our values define who we are and the direction we take in life. These are deeply held beliefs that we cannot compromise without damaging who we are as a person. They are our beliefs about love, honesty, compassion, loyalty, respect, and the list goes on. Marrying a man who has different fundamental beliefs than you can be devastating.
It's like a team of oxen being yoked together to pull a cart but continually pulling in opposite directions. The animals exhaust and frustrate themselves, and the cart goes nowhere. You can't sustain a relationship in which you both work towards opposite values-based goals. Something has to give. Either it will be your relationship, or it will be your values.
However, when you think about that same team of oxen being yoked together but pulling in the same direction, working toward the same purpose, then look at what an efficient machine that is! If he shares your values, then you two may be a powerful team together.
Having common interests may seem like an oversimplified and obvious qualification, but it's one that is often overlooked. Many times, when a couple is in the early stages of their relationship they don't notice that they have very little in common because they're more focused on the romance aspect of their new relationship than the friendship aspect.
Having shared interests is important in forming a deep bond of friendship between you and your man that will sustain a healthy long-term relationship. You need something to connect over so that when the butterflies of infatuation fade, you will be securely settled into a comfortable companionship. It could be any number of things - politics, music, sports, or even a certain genre of movies - but whatever it may be, if you find that you and your man enjoying similar hobbies, he may be the one.
Let's be real. Disagreements happen. That doesn't mean he isn't your Prince Charming. It just means you're both real human beings. What you need to look for when the occasional argument occurs, is if he makes a concerted effort to bring the conflict to a peaceful resolution.
Sometimes you're in the wrong. Sometimes he's in the wrong. Sometimes the argument is nobody's fault because that's just the way life happens from time to time. Regardless, a willingness to apologize, compromise, and make things right after an argument is a good quality to look for in a lifelong partner. It's a sign of humility, and it shows that he respects you even when you don't see eye to eye.
His sense of humor might have been one of those things that initially caught your attention about him, and it's not a trivial thing. It's easy to underestimate the importance of being able to share a laugh with your man. It's especially important in a lifelong relationship. Sometimes life is tough. Sometimes outside pressures build up and press in on your relationship. It's times like this when you need to be able to laugh together because humor can be one of life's greatest stress relievers
Humor smooths out those bumpy parts in your relationship, where disagreements or disappointments have taken their toll. When you can laugh together, it creates a strong and positive bond that will get you through the more difficult times in life. If you laugh with him often, that's a good sign, and if you can't imagine not being able to share those laughs with him forever, he may be the one for you.
Every healthy relationship needs healthy boundaries. Setting up boundaries can help a relationship be more stable and overall, much healthier. They can be emotional, physical, mental, or even spiritual. If you've clearly expressed what those boundaries are to him, but he continues to push you to violate them, then you may be in a toxic relationship. If this is the case, it is recommended that you two attend relationship counseling so you can discuss the importance of boundaries with a licensed professional.
On the other hand, when your man honors your boundaries, he is telling you that he values you above himself. A healthy relationship requires trust, and part of building that trust is acknowledging and respecting the boundaries that have been established. Something that is a big deal to you may not be to him, but a good sign that he's the one is if he chooses to respect that part of you anyway.
Without mutual respect, a romantic relationship will never last. In fact, respect is almost like the umbrella that everything else falls under in a healthy relationship. It's the overarching and essential theme. Respect, or the lack thereof, will affect every aspect of your life together. Respect may even be more important than love, according to an article in Psychology Today by Dr. Peter Gray.
The right man for you chooses to respect you above everything else. He doesn't ask you to compromise your values, your boundaries, or your dreams to make him happy. In fact, it makes him happy to see those things fulfilled in your life, and he'll do his best to make sure that they are. He keeps the avenues of communication open so that you can both feel free to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with one another. If you've found a man who respects you like that, he may be the one.
Is He The One?
Hopefully, your man checked off all of the factors listed above. If he didn't, evaluate your relationship and if your boyfriend is treating you the way you want to be treated. Remember, always trust your gut and seek advice from a trusted family member or friend. If you have a bad feeling about the man you have been seeing, then trust how you are feeling. It is always better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to spending your life with someone. You will find "the one" in the future; it's just a matter of time and personal growth on your end.