Do Dating Sites Help With Asexual Dating?

Finding compatible partners can be difficult regardless of how you identify, what you’re looking for, or what your sexual orientation is. For those who are asexual, however, dating can present unique challenges that others may not face. Knowing how to overcome these obstacles can be imperative for those looking for fulfilling, healthy, and lasting relationships. Online dating sites have grown in popularity and are just one way to meet respectful, like-minded partners. Both dating sites for asexual individuals and conventional dating sites can increase your likelihood of finding a match. In this article, we’ll be exploring options for asexual dating and giving valuable tips for overcoming the challenges of dating as an asexual individual.

How dating sites help asexual individuals

One of the primary benefits of utilizing a dating site is that it can help you find like-minded partners. Online dating sites allow you to sort potential dates by your criteria, meaning you can weed out some definite mismatches right from the start. Asexual individuals are among the minority, and chances are you're more likely to find partners who are not asexual than those who are. That's where dating sites for asexual individuals, in particular, can help you narrow down your search.  

Another way that dating sites for asexual individuals help is not by narrowing down partners but by widening your search range. This can be especially important for asexuals because it can be a challenge to find other asexual individuals. In any given location, there’s a small chance that you'll run into another asexual individual, and even if you do, what are the odds that they'll be someone you get along with?

Dating sites help you to find people who don't typically cross your local circles, either because they have a different set of favorite hangouts, they keep a different schedule (can you imagine just missing your right match because you go to the library at slightly different times each week?), or they live in an entirely different area from you.

Of course, if you identify as an asexual, you don't necessarily need to use dating sites built specifically for asexual individuals. Instead, you could utilize other, more inclusive sites. Asexual individuals can form relationships with partners who experience sexual attraction just as they can have partnerships with those who don’t. In fact, most asexual people who develop relationships do so with sexual individuals who compromise on how sexual their relationship is.

No matter which type of dating site you choose to use as someone who is asexual, it can be important to go after what you’re looking for. If you desire a relationship, dating sites may help you find one. However, there are plenty of other ways to meet people. 

Benefits of dating sites for asexual individuals

There are certain benefits to using dating sites specifically for asexual individuals. These could include:

• Being accepted: One of the benefits of dating sites for asexuals is that you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences. If you are in an online community where everyone else is either asexual or accepting of asexuals, you can feel a bit more comfortable with being honest about yourself, your needs, and your desires. Instead of holding back out of fear of judgment, you can be yourself from the start.
• Learning more about yourself: Many dating sites include forums and community sections where you can discuss topics with like-minded people. Additionally, as you chat with potential dates, both the questions you ask and the ones you answer can help you learn more about yourself. As you ask questions, you may get unexpected responses that allow you to reconsider how you think about certain things. Likewise, formulating an answer to the questions posed by others may force you to consider things you hadn't thought about before. Most people find that they need to chat with several different people on an online dating site before finding someone they'd like to meet. Talking to multiple people gives you opportunities for learning more about yourself and what you want.
• Feeling validated: Dating websites can have the advantage of allowing you to feel validated. Dating sites for asexual individuals and other sites that get you around more like-minded people can help you feel like a part of a group. You may start to see that there are plenty of other people like you out there. Isolation isn’t healthy for anyone, and even if you have lots of friends, it can still be lonely to feel like you are different from them in some basic way.

Unique relationship challenges

Dating sites can help you overcome some of the unique challenges of dating as an asexual individual. To recap, here are the major ways they may help:

• They make it easier to find like-minded people to date because you can find out preliminary information from profiles and chat before ever meeting.
• Dating sites specific to asexuals help you find partners compatible with your physical intimacy style.
• Dating sites may make it easier to get big issue topics out of the way before pursuing a relationship.
• Dating sites make it easier to find compatible individuals that you wouldn't have run into otherwise.
• Using dating sites to find the right kinds of people to talk to helps you reduce the chance of being criticized for your preferences.
• Pinning down a profile and going through the question-and-answer phase of preliminary dating can help you learn more about yourself.
• Knowing that other people like you are also seeking relationships helps you to feel validated in your experience.

Of course, some challenges must be dealt with head-on, such as discussions on compromising physical intimacy. Even two asexual individuals may have to compromise on this issue because not every asexual person is the same. You may be a person who enjoys cuddling or even kissing your emotional partner, but you may find a partner who does not enjoy any physical expressions of intimacy. Although neither of you may experience sexual attraction or desire, you may still need to compromise on other displays of affection. 

Discussing sexual compromise

Waiting too long to divulge your basic preference makes it more likely that someone will end up with hurt feelings. The discussion of how to compromise on sexual activities can wait until a little later, though. If a sexually-inclined person and an asexual person accept each other as potential partners, they have done so with an understanding that they have different preferences. Later, if the relationship seems to be developing into something serious or long-term, or at least has the potential to do so, it will be necessary to talk about what level of sexual activity each person is comfortable with. You and your partner have a few different options, including coming up with your own solution. Here are a few suggestions, though. 

Asexual activity

Mutually Consented Lack Of Sexual Activity: You and your partner may agree not to engage in sexual activities with each other. Understand, though, that it may be frustrating for a sexually-inclined partner to have no sexual outlet. If you are not comfortable with any sexual activities, you may have to make additional compromises that allow for sexual expression for your partner. Your partner may be satisfied masturbating on their own to relieve sexual urges. Or, you may agree to ethical non-monogamy, in which you consent for your partner to have sex with other people to fulfill their sexual needs. How you and your partner arrange the details and rules of such situations should be discussed fully with each other, and any other sexual partners should also be aware of the situation.

Limited range of sexual activities

Another compromise option is for you and your partner to agree on a set of activities that you would be comfortable with. Perhaps this means that you will provide sexual stimulation to your partner without receiving sexual stimulation in return, either by manual or oral sex or by utilizing sex toys to stimulate your partner. In this way, you can be a part of their sexual life without engaging in activities that you don't desire. If stimulating your partner is uncomfortable for you, don't feel pressured. If you've never tried this, though, it may be a way to compromise on the differences in sexual desire.

Limited occurrence of sexual activities

Another common compromise between partners of differing sexual appetites is to agree to have sexual encounters sparingly. In this case, you may engage in a full range of sexual activities but only do so rarely. You may need to discuss a schedule or a maximum number of engagements with your partner, especially if you have no intention of initiating encounters. Limiting the frequency of sexual activities may work most effectively if your sexually-inclined partner has a low sex drive. However, it can also work for individuals with higher drives, especially if you combine it with other compromises like those above. For instance, you can agree to a mutual sexual encounter once every couple of months and utilize one-way sexual stimulation on your partner occasionally in between. Or your partner may be satisfied using masturbation in between sessions or other sexual partners in between their sessions with you.

Ultimately, how you compromise on sexual activity is up to you and the person you're with, just like any couple. The two of you will each need to practice understanding the other's needs and preferences. Sometimes, dating sites make these discussions easier to get out of the way early on. If you don't know someone well, it may be more comfortable to throw around ideas about what compromises might potentially work for you before you're emotionally invested.

Alternatives to dating sites

Although dating sites can have many benefits for asexual people searching for partners, you also have other options. One of the most effective ways to find potentially fitting partners without using a website is to think about the type of person you’d want to be in a relationship with and start spending time at the kinds of places those people might be. Pay attention to the people who frequent your favorite places. A compatible date may be right under your nose. Further, engaging in activities that you enjoy with other people can help you find those with similar interests. You could also try speed dating or ask friends to set you up. 

Online counseling for asexual dating

Relationships can be difficult regardless of your sexual orientation; however, those identifying as asexual may face unique challenges. If you’re having trouble romantically, it could be helpful to speak with a therapist. Regain is an online counseling platform that provides guidance to individuals and couples. Whether you need encouragement as you search for a significant other or you’re having trouble compromising on the level of physical intimacy with your partner, counseling could be beneficial. A therapist can work with you to identify what you’re looking for and help you become a healthier version of yourself for a fulfilling dating life. Likewise, a couples therapist can help you set mutual boundaries and expectations, either with a sexually-inclined partner or an asexual partner. Whatever your needs are, you can get matched with a therapist who has experience in that area and connect with them entirely online.

The effectiveness of online counseling for dating woes

When you’re experiencing troubles in your dating life, it can be easy to get down on yourself. However, maintaining a positive outlook and being confident in yourself can help you attract the type of relationship you’re seeking. If you’re struggling in these areas, online counseling could be a viable resource, according to one study. Researchers found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) successfully improved low self-esteem in adolescents and increased their levels of self-compassion. Additionally, they experienced a higher quality of life and had fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. CBT is a type of therapy that helps people learn how to recognize and then change their unhelpful thoughts into more positive ones. By identifying the thoughts that are contributing to negative self-beliefs, people can work toward modifying them to alter how they’re thinking about themselves and behaving.

Takeaway

Dating sites can be a helpful resource regardless of your dating goals. Being asexual may present various challenges while you search for people to date and do life with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find happy, healthy, and fulfilling partnerships. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you deserve love and support just like anyone else. If you need help setting boundaries, exploring your identity, or with dating in general, consider speaking to a licensed therapist. You can search for therapists in your local area or utilize an online resource like Regain to get the care you need.