Eight Ways To Make Dating As A Single Mom Easier

Dating as a single mom has its own unique set of challenges. The logistics of finding childcare and working around the kids’ schedules can be a nightmare. These may not be the only obstacles that you will face when dating as a single mom. 

The good news is that for every challenge single moms face when trying to enter the dating scene, there is a solution. Every day, thousands of single mothers start new relationships and eventually find their own "happily ever after," even if the outcome isn’t exactly as they may have planned before having kids. With the right tools, it's possible to overcome just about any roadblock thrown your way.

Dating as a single mother may not be as effortless as it was pre-baby, but it can still be every bit as enjoyable. You might have to tweak a few things here and there, but overall, these changes should be pretty easy to adjust to. Here are eight ways to make dating as a single mom a breeze.

Number 1: Make sure you are whole

Before you can even consider dating, you have to make sure that you are well: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. 

You may be a single mother by choice, but this isn’t the case for many single parents. Even if the decision was mutual, the ending of a relationship can be extremely painful and is undoubtedly life changing. When you have a child or children with another person and the relationship ends, there can be a lot of fallout. Does this mean you can’t move forward and have a healthy partnership with someone else? Absolutely not. You can! As long as you work through any baggage you may be carrying and realize that you alone are responsible for healing your wounds.

So how do you know if you have emotional or psychological traumas that need healing? Here are some potential signs:

• You have intrusive thoughts, nightmares, or mood swings related to the past.
• You are socially isolated, withdrawn, or don’t enjoy the things you used to.
• You’re co-dependent or a people pleaser.
• You tend to give up your boundaries to others.
• You’ve been abused in the past and haven’t worked through it on your own or with therapy.
• Your parents are/were toxic and hurt you at some point in your life.
• You doubt yourself constantly, especially in relationships.
• You are highly triggered by the thoughts, feelings, and reactions of others.
• You think your ex was a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, or otherwise wounded person, and you are worried about attracting this same type of partner again.
• You are easily startled, suffer from insomnia, experience overwhelming fear, or face emotional numbness.

If after reading this list, you think you have a few things to work on, consider getting professional help. Once you’ve overcome any past hurts, you’ll be ready for dating as a single mom.

Number 2: Plan ahead

A single mother without a plan can be a recipe for disaster. If you have decided to dive back into dating, make sure you have a plan in place. The planning aspect of dating as a single mom applies to two areas: childcare and time management.

The childcare aspect might seem simple, but that is not always the case. Making sure that the babysitter you have in mind is reliable and trustworthy is of the utmost importance. Your area may have a lot of college kids in early childhood programs that are looking for some extra income. But that doesn’t always make them the best choice. Remember that quality is always better than quantity. Ask your friends and neighbors for recommendations or check online. You might pay a little more to get someone that you can rely on, but it will be well worth it. The last thing you want is a cancellation from the babysitter while you’re blow-drying your hair in anticipation for your night out on the town.

It is equally as important that you plan and manage your time wisely. Since you are a mother, you have priorities at home that need to be tended to. This isn’t to say that you can’t let your hair down and have fun but always remember your children first and foremost. Being happy and loved as a mother and a person is important. Children, though, rely on you for everything. They need a mother who is present. No matter how much you are tempted to go out with your new beau every weekend, make sure you are setting time aside for your children.

You won’t always get this part just right. There will be circumstances that even the best planner won’t be able to avoid. Be kind to yourself, and remember that dating is not a perfect process. If the person you are with cares for you, they will understand your roles as a mother. With time and experience, you will learn the art of working around all types of unexpected obstacles.

Number 3: Be transparent

The worst decision that many single mothers make when dating someone new is concealing information. You may be worried to tell a new partner that you have children for fear they will run in terror.

The fact of the matter is that your children make up a huge part of your life. When you are dating someone, you want them to be a part of that. The best way to make sure that you are building the family you have been dreaming of is to be as transparent as possible. From the very first contact, make it known that you have children. Be forthcoming in what you are searching for in a new partner. The right person for you will stick around and be there for you in all the ways that you need.

Communication is the most important thing to have in a relationship. If you aren’t communicating effectively to begin with, you will inevitably face roadblocks along the way. When you are honest from the beginning of a relationship, you will be setting yourself up for success later down the line.

Number 4: Take it slow

Entering into the dating scene is both an exciting and a nerve-wracking time. Perhaps you’ve been off the market for a while, and you are finally ready to bring someone new into your life. The anticipation of the way your life is about to change can be a lot to take in.

No matter how tempted you are to jump right in, remember to rein it in and take it slow. Make sure you are spending enough time getting to know each other before you make any big moves. Understandably, you will want your children to be a part of this process. If you go too quickly, though, and introduce them to someone that doesn’t work out, you risk hurting them. Children form bonds with new people very quickly. The last thing you want is for them to feel the same heartbreak as you if the relationship doesn’t work out.

The best approach to this is to take baby steps. Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page regarding the timeline of this relationship. Since they know you have kids, they should be understanding of the boundaries and requirements you have in place. If they don't, they aren't the one for you or your family.

Number 5: Include your child (eventually)

Once you have gotten to know this new person and you are ready, include your children. When you are in the right relationship, this can be a fun and exciting time for everyone.

The family that you are building needs to be fostered from the very beginning. Once you introduce your child to your partner, include them in outings. You might choose to go out for ice cream as a unit. A movie can also be a fun outing that’s fun for the whole group. The activity you choose isn’t as important as making your child feel included and loved. This will prevent them from feeling as if they will need to fight this new person for the spotlight.

This is an exhilarating and new time for your family. If the right person comes along, you will benefit greatly from including your child. Doing so can also help ease the adjustment period if you and your new partner decide to get married or move in together. 

Number 6: Consider online dating

Let’s face it: single moms don’t always have a lot of time. If you are going through dates and having trouble finding the right person, online dating could be right for you.

For many women, the stress and logistics of going out on dates with multiple people that don’t work out can be tough. Online dating offers a unique solution to this problem. You will be able to view the profiles of people you want to pursue and get a feel for their personality and how they might fit in with your family. The best thing about this feature is that you will be able to rule out people before wasting time on a date with them.

Many dating profiles also have a section showing whether the potential partner is interested in dating a woman with kids. This will help to eliminate much of the anxiety surrounding picking someone willing to be a part of your lifestyle. Once you find the right person, you can rest easy knowing you have a high-level overview of the person before you go on a date. You can also chat back and forth on most platforms and learn more about each other before making plans.

Number 7: Be prepared to walk Away

No matter how much you might like a person, sometimes they just don’t fit what you are looking for. You must know when the right time is to walk away in situations like these.

One common scenario is that this person doesn’t click well with your kids. When you are dating as a single mom, this is a deal-breaker. Remember the family that you are dreaming of building. For that to work and be successful, you need someone in your corner who meshes well with your kids. Even if this person is a fantastic partner, they might not make the best parent. The kids always come first, especially in dating.

Another thing you might come across is a person who isn’t cut out to be a parent. Your kids might love them and you might love them, but your views on parenting don’t match up. This isn’t going to be a good situation for anyone. Unless they are prepared to sit back and let you do all the work (and you’re okay with that, too), it is time to walk away. Single moms who choose to ignore this truth end up with kids who are sad, angry, or resentful. This is not the future you want for your family. You’d be better off finding someone comfortable with your kids so you can build that future you're imagining.

Number 8: Know when to get help

Dating as a single mom can bring up a lot of feelings and questions that one relationship advice article can’t solve. If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious or don’t know how to proceed, consider seeking out the help of a professional. A therapist can help you understand the way you feel and can help you to get through these emotions. 

As a mom, you are a busy person—you may want to consider online therapy. There's no need to travel to a physical office, and session timing can be very flexible. Many parents have turned to online therapy to deal with a whole host of issues, including those regarding relationships new and old.

Regain is an affordable, flexible online therapy platform. Once matched with a licensed therapist, you can chat via text, phone, or video call. Your work with a therapist can be slotted in wherever your schedule allows.

Takeaway

There is no shame in asking for help. The best thing you can do for you and your family is to take care of yourself mentally. When you feel ready to give dating a shot, you can get out there and begin your dating journey—and the trip toward your (and your kids') best future.